'Anxious to experience the unknown'

My heartbeat has gone up as the biggest moment in my life is about to arrive - changing brahma (life force) of Lord Jagannath, who is considered the head of our family.

As the special moment knocks on my door, the memories of my father keeps coming back and his words still ring in my ear - " Brahma hi satya." He asked me to stick to the Lord always.

In 1969, I was 12 years when I had gone with my father for the first time to participate in the Nabakalebar of Lord Jagannath.

The lights had gone out in the town and the darkness had engulfed the city. I was shivering with fear when my father left me and entered the inner chamber of the temple to do the sacred job.

We, along with other servitors, had been anxiously waiting for his return. My father had a special love for me as I was born after 12 years of marriage. We shared a special bonding. I was his only son.

As time went by, our anxiety increased and I was becoming very impatient. Nearly after four hours, he emerged out of the room at midnight and hugged me and sobbed like a child. Putting his hand on my head, he whispered: " Brahma hi satya."

These words continue to echo in my mind even though it had happened 47 years ago. He handed me the flowers, chandan and other things that he had brought from the belly of Lord Jagannath at the time of transferring the Brahma.

It is a mystery how these items, along with the Brahma, that were kept inside the belly of Lord Jagannath 19 years ago remain fresh. The sweet fragrance that comes out from the flowers and chandan fills the air with freshness.

In 1977, opportunity had come to serve the Lord and I had been assigned the job to transfer the Brahma, but I did not agree to do it, as I was young and just got married. I was busy with social life and I did not want to take a chance, as there was a belief that anyone who transferred the Brahma, doesn't live long. It was done by one of my uncles.

In 1996, my children had grown up and but they had not yet start earning. In fact, I was completely engrossed with the worldly affairs ( maya of sansar). I did not take risk and the job was again done by my uncle.

Now, I am free from all social and family obligations. My sons are settled and I am blessed with grandchildren. The Lord has given me a lot. What more can I ask for? But it pains me to think that I will be changing the idols I have seen, known and worshipped for the last 19 years.

Now, I am 63 and the rare opportunity will come after another 19 years. I don't know whether I will be there to see the next Nabakalebar of Lord Jagannath or not. If I miss the opportunity of doing this job, it will be a miss for a lifetime.

As my father and uncles, who did the job on earlier occasions, did not communicate anything to me about the rituals associated with it, I am quite excited. I will know what happens only after I come out of the shrine.