Kaka: Skilled & Sexy

Brad Pitt: Lips & Butts

Milind Soman: Complexion, Smile & Teeth

Kunal Kapoor: Face

Daniel Craig: Legs

Why not? There are online advertisements for ordering shoes with your own specifications — any size, any colour, any heel height. There are many similarities between shoes and men. While most men, like shoes, are best when they are lying at your feet, shoes available off the shelves, like men, aren’t perfect. Any user will know. If the height is right, the size is not; if the size is right, the sole isn’t. The soul may be missing altogether.

So the t2 girl gang got together to order its own perfect man. We took immense care, looking long and hard at men the world over. It was not easy. There was much debate; it was a closely-fought contest among the best parts of the best men. Here are the winners, selected through popular choice and secret ballot.

We start somewhere near the top. Brad Pitt’s lips win. In fact, they are classier than Angelina Jolie’s. Brad’s lips are full, a little pouty and yet not at all like those of a fish. No colagen. Very kissable. The way they were in Thelma and Louise, women could kill for them. Thelma almost killed — herself.

Brad had competition from Gael Garcia Bernal, Ashton Kutcher and Matt Damon, and from Shah Rukh Khan, who seemed to have the top Indian lips, followed by Shahid Kapur, who we thought wore lipstick.

Brad’s lips, however, will have to go with the features of desi sex gods. It will be Brad’s lips with Milind Soman’s smile and teeth. The smile could be Rahul Khanna’s too. Goofy. Add to that the twinkle in Naseeruddin Shah’s eyes, though he may have lost his sex appeal in general.

Talking about Brad somehow led to the sequence of things getting mixed up. We could not get further without mentioning another attribute of the man that is a world champion — his butt. It is hailed as a marvel of structural engineering. We are talking of perfect arcs here. As if that wasn’t enough, look up the Net, and you will find a full-fledged screenplay titled “Brad Pitt’s Butt” by someone called Kristian Idol. Let’s call it BPB. BPB is an institution. It wins over Antonio Banderas’s after careful consideration.

The perfect man will have Jim Morrison’s hair. (Jim had close competition from Hugh Grant, but we preferred length.)

Jim Morrison: Hair

Christopher Reeve: Jawline

Shiney Ahuja: Eyes

John Abraham: Torso & Biceps

Tobey Maguire: Hands

Eyes will be Shiney Ahuja’s. Or maybe Viggo Mortensen’s of Lord of the Rings fame. Light and intense, like white heat, burning, burning, though the gaze could change from time to time to Ethan Hawke’s in Reality Bites, or Neil Nitin Mukesh’s or Antonio Banderas’s. Smouldering. (If in a softer mood, we could go for Hugh Grant’s baby blue pair.)

The nose will be Arjun Rampal’s, straight, stern, aristocratic. Second choice: Rahul Khanna’s (adorable) or Tom Cruise’s (cute).

The square, macho Mills-and-Boon jawline can have only one source: our ever-loved Superman, Christopher Reeve. We overlooked Charlton Heston because of his love for the gun-lobby.

But if we have to choose the whole face from one person, it will be Kunal Kapoor. If he is not available, then Orlando Bloom.

The torso, through consensus, will be John Abraham’s. It’s just the right build and toned to the tee. His V-shaped torso with the hint of an after-shave (how do we know?) and a six-pack to kill for (beware Bips, shob choritra kalponik hoy na!).

He will have the complexion of Milind Soman. Legs will be of the most metrosexual Bond, Daniel Craig, though he promises in his next he is going to show us much more. This time, unbound. (When it comes to legs, Craig is followed closely by Federer!) Hands, of course, will be of Spiderman Tobey Maguire. He will move like Hrithik Roshan.

And... He will speak in the voice of Amitabh Bachchan. He will stand still and watch like Clint Eastwood. He will have the attitude of Samuel Jackson, in Pulp Fiction, speaking in the voice of God while spraying bullets. He will have the sense of humour of Jim Carrey. His heart will break like Gregory Peck’s in Roman Holiday. He will have the dignity of Balraj Sahni. He will have the mind of Leonardo Da Vinci...

Okay, okay, we are getting too ambitious.