The Censor Board: “It has too much pornographic content. It shows way too much violence” is their perennial complaint. Watching a GoT episode with them means being on a cliffhanger every other minute as they pause or change the channel the moment it seems like someone might take their clothes off. They treat us like The High Sparrow did Cersei, with their judgmental eyes screaming ‘Shame! Shame! Shame!’.
The Perverts: In a show which has had the Lannisters, Tyrells, Starks, Boltons and Targaryens as the major houses, they are the only ones who wish for a stronger House Baelish (read: brothel). They know which episodes have the sex and will fast forward to them during repeat watches. And they are definitely not satisfied watching GoT on Star World India.
The Parent: They probably yell ‘F**k yeah!’ silently every time their most hated character dies on the show, but they’ll be frowning every time naked times happen on screen. And yet they’ll insist on watching it with the fam. Cue the awkward silence as everyone checks their phones hoping someone messaged. Dinner discussions involve who deserves to take the Iron Throne and rule the Seven Kingdoms, not on the strength of the armed forces but on the weightage of #sanskaar.
The Nights Watch: When Star World is moved to the locked channels folder and the WiFi switched off every night of an episode release, these people grab the neighbour’s external hard disk and wait for everyone to fall asleep, starting their nightly watch well after 2am. #TheGoodLife
The Political Commentators: They believe that the real game of thrones is between Lord Varys and Lord Baelish, and the Houses are mere pawns in their game of chess. These people will apply Littlefinger’s strategies in real life in Class Representative and Student Council elections and will see conspiracies where none exist. #AbKiBaarKiskiSarkar
The Greenseers: They are busy predicting the outcome of every episode prior to its release. They’ll insist on telling you who they think will die and how. They are often wrong, but when they get it right there is no living with them.
The Little Birds: They can’t stop talking about it. And it is not just about how they feel before or after an episode, but details of which cast members had dinner together, and who is dating who, who are besties, who is the practical joker and who is the funny guy on set. Don’t mention Jon’s curls or Dany’s figure to them if you don’t want to know exactly how they come by it.
The Martins in the Making: As George R. R. Martin has decided to take an indefinite break from writing (we read somewhere he has started working on the Winds of Winter, again!), someone had to fill in. The Martins in the Making are the source of mind-boggling fan theories like ‘Tyrion is a Targaryen’ and ‘Jaime will murder Cersei’.
The Samwells: They have read every book in the series A Song of Ice and Fire. They know more about each character than you could Google, and often complain how the show is not doing justice to the books.
The Grand Maesters: Houses, their sigils, their members, their allies, their castles, those deceased and those living, their weapons, the strength of their armed forces, they KNOW IT ALL! They have a Map of Westeros in their room and would prefer sending ravens to WhatsApp messages.
The Ones Who Still Know Nothing: It has been six years and six seasons and they still don’t know anything. Endless hours of explanations, watching the same episode with them for the umpteenth time and they still believe that Joffrey made a good groom and that Ned Stark still has a head.
The Sellswords: Usually the first ones to watch each episode, they should come with the SPOILERS label. No matter how hard we try to avoid GoT spoilers they will pop up, everywhere, and accidentally let slip who dies.
The Merchandise Hogs: That have clothes featuring characters from the show, their drink coasters have sigils of their favourite Houses and showpieces in their homes feature props from the show. At a party, you will find them wearing a House Stark tee, under a blazer with a Hand of the King pin as a brooch along with a House Lannister scarf and a House Tyrell necklace.
CONTEST ALERT!
Game of Thrones is back! Yes, before you tune in, STAR World gives you the chance to get your hands on a piece of your favourite show. The first five all-correct entries to the following questions at t2contest@abp.in will win Game of Thrones merchandise, courtesy STAR World. And don’t forget to tune in to Season 7, premiering in India on Tuesday, July 18, at 11pm on STAR World and STAR World HD.
1) Which of the Stark direwolves are still alive?
(a) Lady And Ghost
(b) Shaggydog and Lady
(c) Ghost and Nymeria
(d) Nymeria and Shaggydog
2) What’s the sigil of House Greyjoy?
(a) A silver trout leaping on a red and blue background
(b) A white falcon and crescent moon on a blue field
(c) A golden rose on a green field
(d) A golden kraken on a black field
3) After the death of the Three-Eyed Raven, who has now taken this position?
(a) Jon Snow
(b) Samwell Tarley
(c) Bran Stark
(d) Meera
4) Who does Melisandre worship?
(a) The Old Gods of the Forest
(b) The Drowned Gods
(c) R’hllor
(d) The Many-Faced God
