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Q:I am a 16-year-old girl and have important exams coming up. My study table overlooks the house opposite and every time I sit down to study, the boy next door starts grinning or making faces at me. Sometimes he puts on loud music and starts dancing wildly. I am at my wit’s end.
Sulekha,
Rehabari
A:I think you are secretly enjoying the boy’s capers. How else would you know whether he is pulling faces or grinning or dancing? The first thing to do is to shut the window. If you think this makes the room stuffy then hang a heavy curtain on the window to shut out his antics. If these do not work and you are still being disturbed, then talk to the boy’s mother. I am sure she will understand.
Q:I am a 25-year-old professional and in love with a girl for the past two years. We have no problems between us but my parents, who are very old-fashioned and conservative, strongly disapprove of her as she comes from a different caste and community. I have tried my best to make them see reason but to no avail. They misbehave with my girlfriend on the rare occasions when she drops in at our house. My parents even went to the extent of threatening my girlfriend’s parents. I am in a dilemma as I am the only son and cannot leave my parents. Nor do I want to leave my girlfriend. What do I do?
Rakesh,
Ulubari
A:You will have to make up your mind about what is more important to you: your parents or your girlfriend. Clearly you cannot make both of them happy at the same time, so you will have to choose. Think long and hard — and follow your heart.
Q:Recently, my family was invited to dinner at a friend’s place. Soon after soup was served, my 18-year-old son yelped, “There’s a fly in my soup.” There was a hush and our hostess, instead of being embarrassed, seemed mighty offended. What should my son have done?
Runa
Zoo Road
A:It was quite natural for the hostess to be offended. Perhaps she did not show it, but her embarrassment must have been acute. I am sure other guests also lost their appetite. Your son should have quietly removed the fly and pretended to drink the soup until he could conveniently dispense with it. Table manners demand that one does not embarrass the hostess. After all, has she not taken the trouble to arrange an enjoyable meal for you?
Q:I am a 22-year-old guy who is intimate friends with a guy and a girl of my age. The boy is in love with the girl, who does not have any special feelings for him. This has led to a discord between them and they constantly quarrel over the matter. And whenever they do, both of them invariably drag me into it and ask me to suggest a solution. Help!
Dev,
Udalbakra
A:You indeed have a delicate problem on your hands. Since you are friends with both, you can never appear to be taking sides. At the same time you must make the boy understand that if he loves someone, it is not necessary that she will love him likewise. However, when you talk to him, make sure the girl is not around or else it might hurt his ego. You could also try telling the girl not to react aggressively to the boy’s overtures, and instead tackle him with patience. A “no” affectionately said, can sometimes make all the difference. If in spite of your efforts, the two continue to bicker, tell them to continue — but in your absence.
Q:I am a student of a reputed city college and am desperately in love with a girl who also happens to be my classmate. She, on the other hand, is in love with a guy who lives outside Assam. She keeps intruding into my thoughts and I cannot seem to concentrate on my studies. It is becoming very difficult for me. Please advise.
Bhaskar Pathak,
Chandmari
A:I sympathise with your predicament. It is very sad to be in love with someone who loves another. However, the only thing that you can do is to accept the situation with grace. Concentrate hard on your studies and do well in your examinations. You will then have earned both a bright future and her respect. Try and practise meditation. This will improve your concentration abilities and your willpower. With time she will become a fond memory.
Q:A friend of mine helped me immensely in making arrangements for my daughter’s wedding. However, she left on a six-month holiday to another city a day after the wedding. How can I thank her?
Pallabi,
Sundarpur
A:The best way to thank this friend is to send a card and a gift. If you could have flowers delivered to her, it would be wonderful. She would be thrilled at being remembered and appreciated in this manner.
Q:Recently, on our boss’s birthday, we arranged a small surprise party and a gift. It was decided that I would clear the bill and my colleagues would pay their share of the expenses later. A month has gone by, but nobody has given me any money. How do I remind my colleagues about it?
Name and address withheld
A:Being candid would be the best. Most people are either forgetful or embarrassed talking abut money. You are obviously embarrassed to talk about it, while your colleagues seem to have forgotten that they owe you something. There is no need to be resentful and bitter. Just remind them politely that you are financially in a tight spot and would really appreciate it if they paid you their share of the expenses incurred on your boss’s birthday.
Q:I am a doctor and have gone out on several dates with different women over the past few months. Nothing has worked out though. I am still looking for the right woman to marry. I recently met a girl who seems to fit the bill but she is my patient. Can I ask her out or do I run the risk of being called unprofessional?
Name and address withheld
A:There is nothing wrong in trying to forge a friendship with your patient, but be careful not to offend her. You could begin by saying, “I enjoyed talking to you when we last met in my chamber. I generally do not mix business with social life, but I would like to know you better. Hope you do not misinterpret my gesture.”
Be discreet about it, lest word gets around that you are a doctor who makes passes at female patients.