| PROBLEM | |
I got married recently. Before the wedding we were told that the groom was a doctor. But later I found that my husband is a medical college dropout and does not work anywhere. I am considering divorce now. But the problem is that I have become pregnant. Should I go ahead with the divorce? | |
| Name and address withheld | |
| First, ask yourself whether you still love your husband. If yes, then bear his child and postpone your decision to file for a divorce. But if your answer is no, then the best option is to have the child and then look for a job. But do not think of aborting the baby because it is innocent and has nothing to do with the treachery of your husband and in-laws. | |
| Zini Basu | |
| Calcutta | |
| If you are financially independent, go for a divorce immediately. Today, it is not a problem for women to get married a second time. If you are not independent, talk to your family members. I am sure they will find a solution to the problem that will make your married life happy once again. | |
| Tapas Kar | |
| Durgapur | |
| You have married the wrong man but you have the option of correcting him. If he manages to get a job and is able to support you and the baby, then you can stay with him. Otherwise, do not waste your life with him and file for a divorce immediately. | |
| Aastha Lohia | |
| Calcutta | |
| A marriage based on a hoax can never be successful. Though you are pregnant, it would be wise to terminate this marriage, as I’m sure you don’t want your baby to grow up under the care of a treacherous father. | |
| Sanchita Das Gupta | |
| Calcutta | |
| If you are employed, terminate your pregnancy and engage your husband in household chores like cooking, washing, cleaning, etc. Give him a couple of years to prepare for a suitable job. Don’t consider him your husband during this period. If he fails to get a job, divorce him immediately. If you are unemployed, with little chance of finding employment in the near future, then termination of pregnancy, divorce and a second marriage is the only solution for you. | |
| Subhendu Banerjee | |
| Chandrapura | |
| Your predicament makes sad reading. Cheats such as your husband have scant respect for humanity and the law. No child should be exposed to such company. I think it is best to divorce him immediately. Otherwise, your child will be burdened with misfortune right from birth and there are bound to be legal tussles over his or her fate. | |
| Surajit Banerjee | |
| Calcutta | |
| You seem to have been shockingly duped. You should definitely go ahead with a divorce as I am sure you would not like to spend your whole life with a fraud and his family. If you feel you can terminate your pregnancy and it is all right to do so medically, then go ahead and start life afresh. | |
| Dr Anjana Maitra | |
| Rourkela | |
| I would not advise you to file for a divorce immediately. I feel irreparable damage has already been done in your life due to your parents’ irresponsibility while arranging your marriage. However, what has been done cannot be undone. Try your best to inspire your husband to make a sincere effort to build up a career and, if possible, to complete his medical course. | |
| Hemanta Kumar Dutta | |
| Shibpur | |
| I feel sad for you. Sometimes certain things happen to us for which one can’t find any explanation. If you are sure that your husband is not going to change I would suggest that you divorce him forthwith. Otherwise, please give him a chance, as ultimately, your baby will need both parents for a healthy upbringing. | |
| Arpita Bhakta | |
| Serampore | |
| First, let your parents know about this deception. They will give you the right advice. Ideally, a man who has perpetrated this kind of a fraud ought to be punished. But as you are pregnant, I would advise you to give your husband an opportunity to mend his ways, find a suitable job and prove his worth. | |
| Azhar Imam | |
| Calcutta | |
| You should definitely go ahead with your decision to get a divorce. Your husband and in-laws are frauds. You must initiate legal proceedings against them. So, be bold and get out of that hell and give a beautiful life to your baby. Remember, fortune favours the brave. | |
| Sreyoskar Saha | |
| Durgapur | |
| I would blame your parents for not taking adequate care in a crucial matter like a daughter’s marriage. Get a divorce if you haven’t developed a soft corner for your husband. Otherwise, give it a second thought because a divorce might give rise to more problems than you already have. Why not ask your parents to help your husband set up a pharmacy? This way, your parents will atone for their mistake and you will save your family life. | |
| Neelakshi Goswami | |
| Tezpur | |
| You are the best judge of the situation. It is clear that you must have spent quite some time with that fraud. Decide for yourself whether there is any hint of guilt or a chance that he might reform. If you go ahead with the divorce, you and your baby may suffer a lot. However, if you feel that he is incorrigible, go ahead with your decision. | |
| Binit Agarwalla | |
| Rourkela | |
| I blame your parents for their negligence while fixing up your marriage. They should have verified the claims made by the groom’s family. Undoubtedly, you have been cheated. But divorce is not a solution since you have already conceived. You have to accept this ‘bluff master’ as your life partner. | |
| Jang Bahadur Singh | |
| Jamshedpur | |
| Next month’s Response question | |
Readers are requested to respond to the following problem. All answers should reach us within a fortnight and be within 150 words. You can also e-mail us: themes@abpmail.com or, fax your answers to 033 2225 3142 2236 1208 I am a 26-year-old married woman. Recently, we discovered quite accidentally that my mother-in-law has been having an affair with a man for quite a long time. Will it be right to tell my father-in-law about this and give him a shock at this age (65 years)? But won’t we be equally guilty if we do not divulge this matter to him? Name and address withheld | |
| EXPERT EYE | |
Being betrayed is one of the most heartbreaking things one can face in a marriage. However, it is also a fact that you and your family should have checked the credentials of your would-be husband. We all know lying is a major part of human nature. But telling a lie while building a relationship can spoil the relationship itself. Men often lie to build themselves up or to conceal something. They usually have a hard time admitting failure. As psychologist Michael Lewis has pointed out in his book Lying and Deception in Everyday Life, men are more likely to lie to enhance themselves than women are. Normally, as trust builds up, a man drops these lies. But this type of lies can unglue any relationship. By now you must know if your husband is a habitual liar or if he lied about his qualifications just to impress you. Find out whether he feels guilty about it or wants to change himself. Often, giving a chance to a person who feels guilty about his past misdeeds can change the life of both the partners. Communicate freely with your husband, express your feelings and tell him how important trust is in a marital relationship. If he wants to change himself you can give him a chance, unless, of course, you feel that your trust, understanding and respect towards your husband has been eroded beyond repair. | |
Monday, 07 July 2025
