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I was listening to my mother reading Lakshmir Panchali the other evening and it made me realise why things around me have come to such a pass. The panchali (the goddess’s propaganda, mostly by herself) lays bare why humanity is under attack, and not only America, and not only from global warming. The world is full of onachar — wickedness coupled with depravity — generated to a great extent by women, especially by the likes of me.
I will quote copiously and try to translate and elucidate the text to the best of my ability, with examples from life.
“Shashtra nahi maane dekho joto nari nor/ Ashashtrake shastragyan kore nirontor” (No one bothers about the holy texts/ They jump from one profane word to the nexts*.) True. The notion of the sacred has changed. Many consider Deepika Padukone a goddess. My husband considers the film Trainspotting his Bible. I think Helen’s Mehbooba mehbooba was sublime, but Urmila Matondkar trying it sacrilege. And Ram Gopal Varma Ki Aag is one long blasphemy and RGV can go to hell. Finally, Om Shanti Om.
“Nijodhormo nijoshiksha diya bisorjon/ Porodhormo poroshiksha korichhe orjon” (Own religion, own lessons they sacrifice/ To run after foreign education and rites.) Look at the number of girls and boys from Calcutta going abroad to study MBA. Look at the number of martyavasis in the city who swear by the beef steak at Oly Pub.
“Ucchahasi kotukatha kohe narigon/ Sondhyakaale nidra jaye hoye ochetan” (The women, they laugh so loud and curse/ And sleep in the evening, as if in a hearse.) Well, most of us are privy to women who laugh like a train going into a tunnel (source: P.G. Wodehouse), even at Barista. Many women, especially English-speaking women, curse too much, but they are more squeamish than men about cursing in Bengali. Many women I know who work at BPOs often sleep in the evenings. Many women who don’t work at BPOs also sleep in the evenings and get up and go to the nightclub.
“Romoni bhushan lojja diya bisarjan/ Jothaye tothaye kore swechhaye gomon” (The women have dropped their shame/ To go anywhere they are game.)
Taslima Nasreen.
“Nahi dai dhoop-deep proti sondhayakaale/ Sotir sindur shobha nahi pore bhale” (No woman lights the agarbatti in the evening/ And they certainly avoid sindoor.)
True again. Not a single woman friend lights incense sticks or diyas in the evening, though I switch on my mosquito repellent. Not one married friend I know wears sindoor. Many wear shorts.
“Probhate dai na kobhu gomayer chhora/ Ghrina nahi kora tara eda bostro pora” (It’s becoming very difficult to rhyme — basically, women don’t smear cowdung paste on the floors at dawn, neither do they mind keeping on the clothes they have eaten in.) Cows can be very scarce in the city, except on E.M. Bypass, running towards a moving vehicle. Also, many women have their breakfast, lunch and dinner at office, where they have to keep their clothes on.
“Potir ogrete khaye joto narigone” (Women eat before their husbands.) From now I will wait till my husband sends me an SMS saying he has started to eat at his office party.
“Nari songe norogon shomoy kataye” (Men are always hobnobbing with women). Yes. Every ladies-only night at a disc dissolves into a general one after midnight.
No woman seems to mind.
“Swamire koroye hela na shune bochon/ Chhariyachhe grihadharma chherechhe rondhon” (Women don’t listen to their husbands/ They don’t cook.)
It’s the microwave. But I listen to everything that it says.
So because women indulge in such excesses, the goddess says she has left us. Thus, instead of Lakshmi, who bestows peace and prosperity, Alakshmi, who brings chaos, hunger and darkness, is ruling over us. That is why there is so much bloodshed and injustice all around too.
So women, obey the rules, though it is impossible. It’s not the administration’s or the politicians’ fault. Behave yourselves — and everything will be fine. And the CPM will be able to hunt down the murderers in Nandigram like George Bush tracked down WMDs in Iraq.
*Poetic licence
chandrima@abpmail.com