In the decade-plus years that I have known her, any conversation with Kajol has to start with: “What are you reading?” “I am re-reading some Mary Clark Higgins. It’s not very good, so I don’t remember which one,” she says with a shrug before asking, “Did you read Nalini Singh’s Psy/Changeling series?” Kajol has been obsessed with the bestseller fantasy series for some years now and really recommends it. “I love the series so much, I own all the books in hard copy, on my iPad and Kindle,” she laughs.

It is possible to talk books with Kajol for hours. But unfortunately we don’t have the luxury of time at the JW Marriott Hotel in Mumbai on the sidelines of an event organised by Huggies where the mother of two (daughter Nysa and son Yug) met 10 lucky mothers from across the country to swap stories about the joys of parenthood.
She is looking like a million bucks in a monochromatic Huemn dress that’s paired with glittery blue Miu Miu pumps. As she dug into peanut butter — chunky, not smooth — straight from the jar, we sat down with Mrs Ajay Devgn to chat motherhood, hitting 40 and finally finding the right script for her next film. 

What has motherhood taught you?
A lot of things…it’s taught me to look at things from a newer perspective, without my preconceived notions. It’s taught me to look at people with a lot more tolerance (smiles).

People say that you are much calmer now. Is it age or motherhood?
It’s motherhood. I don’t think anybody can teach you peace when you are raving mad like your children. You realise that mothers just look calm on the surface even though deep down inside they are seething. She doesn’t want to appear like a raving lunatic in front of her children (giggles).
 
Did your mom (Tanuja) have any specific advice before your daughter Nysa was born?
Not really….Whatever I have learnt from her about being a mother has been from how she brought us (Kajol and sister Tanishaa) up. After Nysa was born, I remember telling her that every time I was telling Nysa something, I always remembered how she used to explain things to us. Like she used to abuse a lot and at some point she realised that she had to stop because we were picking it up. It took her a while, so every time she said something inappropriate, she had to put money into a jar. We were really rich kids! (Laughs) So, she taught by example. She broke her bad habits because she didn’t want us to fall into it. Children learn more from the example of their parents rather than what their parents tell them. 

After two kids, do you have any advice for new mothers?
(Pauses) The only thing I would tell them is to trust their instincts. How you bring up your kid is instinctual. You might wonder if you are doing or telling your kids the right thing. It will come to you. Just trust your instinct. Only you will know what is right or wrong for your child. 

Earlier when we were chatting, you described your parenting style as Voldemort and Darth Vader rolled into one! What are you strict about as a parent?
(Laughs) Everything! I am the one who lays down the law at home. I am the one who disciplines them and teaches them. I strongly believe that children need guidelines. They are not born with the moral compass that tells them good from bad. They are like little saplings and everything you teach them is the support they can lean on to grow strong. So actually, I am the be-all and end-all for my children.

So, Ajay is…
Completely wrapped around their little fingers? (Giggles) Yes. I think, he finds it difficult to say ‘no’ to them. This probably has something to do with the fact that he is not there that much. When he is around them, he doesn’t like to enforce too many rules.  

So you play the “bad cop” to Nysa and Yug all the time while Ajay gets to indulge them. Do you wish you could be the “good cop”?
All the time. I complain to Ajay about this all the time. I wish that for just one day someone would take over my job. That I could indulge them without worrying about what I am teaching them. I think I’ll get my chance only when I have grandchildren!

What are the things that you are really strict about?
Oh, everything! I don’t like children who answer back or don’t listen to their elders. Hitting people or throwing a tantrum is an absolute no-no. I like them to sit at the table for their meals…but of course this goes out of the window when Ajay is at home. 

What are the things that you enjoy doing with Nysa and Yug?
You know, my favourite time of the day is when they are tucked in bed at night. They’ll talk and play. Both of them will jabber and jabber and jabber…they will tell stories and have questions and what is happening in school and with their friends. It’s such a lovely, lovely time. That’s when, at 9.30 in the night with the lights out, we connect as parent and child. 

For a woman, it’s very easy to lose sight of who she is while being the mother, wife, daughter and daughter-in-law…
That’s true. 

How do you make sure that doesn’t happen to you?
This is where your friends are so important. Also, your side of the family will always see you as an individual. So, they are really important as well. Also, I reinforce that side of my personality when I go to work. 

What is a regular day in Kajol’s life like?
It’s very boring! (Laughs) Basically, I take care of my kids, my husband and my house. That’s about it. It might not seem like a lot, but it keeps me on my toes the whole day. 

You hit the big 40 last year. Does it feel different?
Hmmm… I don’t know! You think that maybe people will look at you differently. Or your kids will look at you differently….actually no… your kids will never look at you differently! You will always be the bai that cleans up after them and the cook all rolled into one! (Laughs) That’s the best thing about kids. They always keep you grounded. You were the help a decade ago and you will continue to be one 10 years from now!
As far as the big 40 is concerned, all it tells you is that you have lived half your life. So, you have only half your life to do what you want to do…though I plan to live until I am 100 but still.... (laughs)... it makes you re-evaluate your life and make plans. 

Are you happy with where you are today?
I am. I have worked very hard to be where I am.
 
My last question has to be about when we’ll see you on screen again...
Next year. We have finally locked a script that everyone loves. We should start our home production in July. So yaaayyy for me! (Laughs)

Karishma Upadhyay
Do you agree with Kajol’s take on motherhood? Tell t2@abp.in