JON RISES, IN THE BUFF!

The third episode of Season 6, Oathbreaker, starts exactly where the second left off — Jon Snow waking from death. We get a long glimpse of his very shapely derriere, as he struggles to understand how he is alive. Davos Seaworth is yet again his practical self, as he jokes with Jon about his state of being, erm, alive. “You were dead. And now you’re not. That’s completely f***ing mad, seems to me. I can only imagine how it seems to you.”

We don’t find out a lot in the opening sequence, apart from the fact that Jon Snow is still Jon Snow and not a white walker or undead. And the fact that Jon Snow has a tiny weewee. 

The source of that surprising humour was Tormund Giantsbane, who greets a reawakened Jon Snow saying, “They think you are some kind of god. The man who returned from the dead.” And the reason he didn’t believe it? “I saw your pecker. What kind of god would have a pecker that small?”

SAM NOT TOO WELL

Samwell Tarly is sailing to the citadel with Gilly and the child and is not handling it too well, vomiting with abandon even as he argues with Gilly about leaving her with his family. They are sweet but totally unnecessary.

TOWERING VISIONARY 

Bran is having visions again and it is a flashback to Ned Stark and Howland Reed’s battle with Arthur Dayne at the Tower of Joy (those who haven’t read the books will be surprised to find out the truth about Ned’s battle with the Sword of the Morning). 

But just like the showrunners David Benioff and D.B. Weiss, the Raven pulls the plug on the vision just before we find out if Lyanna had a baby (Jon Snow) in the Tower. Dammit! 

DANY AT DOTHRAKI MERCY

Nope, Daenerys Targaryen has not been rescued by either her dragon or her two admirers. She is marching to the temple of Dosh khaleen and is still being ignored when it comes to her illustrious titles. Inside the tewmple, she is stripped off her “outsider” clothes. Her fate, if she isn’t rescued soon, rests on the Dothraki who are meeting in Vaes Dothrak, and the outcome may not be pleasant.

VARYS THE SPY-DER

In a gem of a scene, we see Varys at work as he tries to get information about who is funding the Sons of the Harpy. His carrot-not-stick strategy may make people feel safe but there is a hint of danger that will make you sweat. He, of course, succeeds. 

The scene shifts to Tyrion trying to draw Missandei and Grey Worm into having a conversation and failing miserably, just as he fails to lure them into playing games. But Missandei’s reference to the games the masters used to make the girls play leaves a bitter aftertaste.

CERSEI’S COMEUPPANCE

Qyburn has got hold of Varys’s little birds — street urchins — and is busy plying them with candied dates to keep them in his network. He’ll need many more birds since Cersei wants eyes in every part of the Seven Kingdoms to report on everything including who is laughing about the queen’s walk of shame.
Cersei is shown her place in the very next scene where Lady Olenna Martell says that the small council is meeting to discuss the imprisonment of the queen, Margaery Tyrell, not Cersei, as she mistakenly believes. 

‘A GIRL’ GETS BACK HER EYES

A girl has no name and is still being beaten by The Waif, but she is learning and as she starts fighting back and becoming confident about being no one, Arya even gets her eyes back.

STARKLY BOLTON 

Ramsay Bolton now has another Stark to torture! Umber has delivered Rickon, along with Osha, to prove his loyalty to Ramsay. His proof — the head of Shaggydog (Rickon’s direwolf). We don’t like the look of glee on Ramsay’s face, we definitely have had enough of Ramsay.

LORD SNOW NO MORE 

Nope, he doesn’t go back to being dead and he does punish the traitors including Alliser Thorne and Oly, as he hangs them for all to see (the showrunners don’t spare you the gore, with a close-up of Oly’s strangulated face).

But that is the last task Jon does as the Lord Commander of the watch. Yes, he hands over the coat and Castle Black to Eddison Tollett and walks away in Northerner outfit. Because his “watch has ended”. 

Episode: S6E03, Oathbreaker

High point: The flashback to Tower of Joy
Low points: Samwell Tarly’s journey in the boat because it felt unimportant and Umber gifting Rickon Stark to Ramsay Bolton
WTF moment: None
Best line: “I saw your pecker. What kind of god would have a pecker that small?” — Tormund Giantsbane to Jon Snow
Body count: 10 + one direwolf
Sex and nudity: A glimpse of Jon’s toned tush and Dany’s bare back and side boob after she is stripped.

S6E04 of Game of Thrones airs 10pm, May 17, on 
Star World Premiere HD