MTV Roadies

Why: A test of physical stamina. An even bigger test of how much offence you can stomach. MTV’s flagship reality adventure show is as nasty as it gets. Backbiting is a part of the game and expletives a must. Four-letter words are hurled with such regularity that the beep has become an integral part of the script. Friends become foes in minutes and backstabbing is carried out without batting an eyelid. Tasks on the show even require participants to slap, abuse and kick each other. In fact, the tagline for the recently concluded fifth edition of the show screamed out: “The Game Gets Nastier. No Surprises This Year — Only Shocks!” At the centre of the storm is Roadies founder and executive producer Raghu Ram, who is intimidating and offensive and revels in it. “Every development follows from the desire to survive. If their attempts or attitude are not good enough, I make sure that I tell them the truth. Isn’t that what youngsters today do — state the truth bluntly?” says Raghu.

What’s said:

“Main jab chhota tha, tab koi kaam nahin karta tha... tab main ghaas ko ughte huey dekhta tha. Mere ko aaj yahi feeling aa rahi hai tumhe dekh ke.” (Raghu to a Roadies aspirant.)

“You think you are one smart dude. Let me tell you something: you are no better than a cockroach.” (To a participant.)

Rudeness quotient: 9/10

Hell’s Kitchen

Why:Celeb chef Gordon Ramsay sure makes one lose one’s appetite despite the sumptuous spread on display. Two teams comprising contestant chefs are put through the task of preparing a meal and serving it to diners in a restaurant. All this under Ramsay’s hawk eye. During dinner service, teams are responsible for preparing food to the chef’s very demanding standards of taste and presentation. A fiery Ramsay often throws away a dish if he isn’t satisfied with it, requiring the team to prepare it again from scratch. If the kitchen is in a mess, Ramsay hurls the choicest expletives and may shut down the dinner service prematurely, using his catchphrase: “Shut it down!” While most networks around the world beep out Ramsay’s F-word, the show is aired uncensored in Australia, New Zealand, Norway, Finland and Korea.

What’s said: “Don’t get your panties in a twist.”

“This is the worst thing I have ever tasted.”

“Do you want to poison the people here?”

“You bitch, get out of here!”

(To a guest) “Can you please take your breasts off my hotplate?”

Beep beep beep beep beep beep.

Rudeness quotient: 9/10

MTV Splitsvilla

Why: With the Roadies team putting all their weight behind this one, you know what to expect. Touted as a “twisted romance reality show”, Splitsvilla has a gang of girls — super bitchy, super aggressive — ready to do anything to get the attention of the two boys on the show. That includes playing mean games, turning one against the other, back-stabbing, gossiping and even commenting on each other’s sexual lives — on national television. Torrents of abuse, frequent use of the F-word and mudslinging — that’s Splitsvilla. While the girls go all out to outdo each other, the men have the option to “dump” one girl every week — and very rudely at that.

What’s said:

“She can do anything to win the show. Even sleep with both the guys.” (One participant about another).

“She looks like a prostitute and also behaves like one.” (One of the men about a participant).

Rudeness quotient: 9/10

American Idol

Why: Simon Cowell, that caustic judge that everyone, participant or viewer, loves to hate, has single-handedly made a reality TV tradition out of tough love (or hate). Insults, wisecracks, unsparingly blunt criticisms are all part of the Cowell arsenal. The recipient of hate mails from around the world who was referred to as an “ass” by co-judge Paula Abdul, Simon Cowell is dreaded for his signature phrase “I don’t mean to be rude, but…”, which acts as a cue for launching a tirade on a contestant’s singing abilities, his personality and even his physical appearance. In a July 2008 poll conducted by AOL Television, Cowell was voted as “top reality TV villain”. He must have loved it.

What’s said:

“The look, it was like something out of the Addams Family.”

“You look a little odd...you look like one of those creatures that live in the jungle, with those massive eyes... a bush baby.”

“She’s not sexy, she hasn’t got a great body and she’s not a great singer.” (About singer Beyonce.)

“You had the chance to prove you were a contemporary recording artiste. Instead, you did quite a lame cabaret performance.”

“That is a song you do not touch, the arrangement was atrocious, this was like a first-round audition massacre.”

Rudeness quotient: 7/10

What Not to Wear

Why: Fashion gurus Trinny Woodhall and Susannah Constantine are the dreaded duo on this long-running BBC show. Every episode features an “ambush” style confrontation and makeover of someone who has been nominated by friends and family as particularly unfashionable. The subject has her (or his) fashion sense evaluated by the two women in what turns out to be quite an embarrassing affair. Renowned for their scathing comments, Trinny and Susannah often reduce participants to tears. Susannah even pulled down a female candidate’s underwear on one occasion, as her knicker line was visible! Every candidate hands over her existing wardrobe to the two and faces the music. Which may include having their clothes cut up right in front of their eyes and dumped as garbage.

What’s said:

“I can’t believe that you have worn such horrible clothes all your life.”

“Don’t you have even the slightest sense of fashion?”

“What is this you are wearing? It’s a miracle your husband hasn’t left you yet.”

“I wouldn’t wear something like this even on my deathbed.”

Rudeness quotient: 7/10

The Apprentice

Why: What is the price one must pay for a job with Donald Trump? Be at the receiving end of humiliation and insults hurled by the flamboyant business magnate as he goes about the task of choosing a candidate for one of his numerous companies. The show has its fair share of bitching, backbiting, tears and reprimands.

What’s said: “You’re fired!”

Rudeness quotient: 7/10

The Weakest Link

Why: The Weakest Link is to the genre of rude television programmes what Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi is to the family soap. A quiz show in which participants have to answer general knowledge questions and are gradually eliminated on the basis of performance, The Weakest Link stood out from the rest for the brusque — and often offensive — manner in which the host of the show interacted with the contestants. Host Anne Robinson showed the world what rudeness is all about with her “cold” voice and deadpan face. Skinny, beaky and dressed in black, she resembled an attacking raven. The Indian version Kamzod Kadi Kaun hosted by Neena Gupta was rude alright, but failed to match up to the original.

What’s said: “Is there no beginning to your knowledge?”

“You ARE the Weakest Link. Goodbye.”

Rudeness quotient: 8/10

What is your favourite rude show on TV? Tell t2@abpmail.com