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From Bollywood and TV (with special thanks to Sholay):
• “Kitne aadmi the?”
• “Yeh Ramgarh-waale apney betiyon ko kaunsi chakki ka aata khilaatein hain?”
• “Is bachche ka baap kaun hai?”
• “Where’s the party tonight?”
• “Kya hua, tera waada?”
• “Hum aapke hain kaun?”
• “Kya yahi pyaar hai?”
• Ssshhhh — Koi Hai?
• Woh kaun thi?
• “Aur tumhaare paas (kya hai)?”, followed by the post-MTV “Can you repeat the question?”
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• “Main kaun hoon?” (post-amnesia)
• Albert Pinto ko gussa kyun aata hain?
• Does Amitabh Bachchan use separate dyes for his wig and his beard?
• How old is Rekha?
• Why was Kishen Kumar in the movies instead of in the zoo?
• What is the age of Baa in the K-serials?
From the Pop canon:
• What’s Goin’ On? (Marvin Gaye)
• Have I Told You Lately? (Van Morrison; off the album Avalon Sunset)
• How Deep Is Your Love? (Bee Gees; soundtrack to Saturday Night Fever)
• Is There Something I Should Know? (Duran Duran)
• Can I Touch You There? (Michael Bolton)
• Do You Remember? (Phil Collins; off But...Seriously)
• Where Do You Go? (Boyband No Mercy; off its 1996 eponymous debut album)
• Why? (Annie Lennox)
• What’s The Frequency, Kenneth? (R.E.M; off the album Monster)
• What’s Up? (Four Non-Blondes; off Bigger, Better, Faster, More!)
• Where Is The Love? (Black Eyed Peas; off the album Elephunk)
• Are You In? (Incubus; off the album Morning View)
• Who Let The Dogs Out? Who? Who? Who? (Baha Men; off the eponymous album)
• Who The F*** Is Alice? (Originally Living Next Door To Alice by Smokie; spoofed by many)
If you still have not had your fill, you’re a manic-depressive Pink Floyd acolyte. Their album The Wall is a series of question marks, starting with the song In The Flesh?, to ‘Mother do you think they’ll drop the bomb?/Mother do you think they’ll like this song?’ in Mother to ‘Daddy what else did you leave behind for me?’ in Another Brick In The Wall, Part I to ‘Hello?/Is there anybody in there? in Comfortably Numb to ‘Isn’t this where...?’ in The Trial.
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From the Ads, printed or otherwise:
• “Hum Chlor-mint kyon khaate hain?”
• “Shock laga kya?
• How small is yours? (A cell phone ad)
• How many you have? (Fastrack shades and watches)
• Have you driven a Ford lately?
• Mera number kab ayega?
• “Aur mere liye?”
From Literature:
• Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf?
• How many children had Lady Macbeth?
• To be or not be — that is the question.
From Real life:
• “Kemon achhen?” when asked to anyone and everyone, including people who are ill.
• “So, how do you feel?”, when asked by television anchors. The interviewee may have just lost a limb.
• “Dada, ekhane Bangla Xerox hobey? (Is Xerox done in Bengali here?)” in a photocopy shop.
• “Have I lost weight?” (in many cases).
• “Bajarey jachhen? (Are you going to the market?” to someone carrying the inevitably striped shopping bag of synthetic fibre.
• “Who’s speaking?” when asked by the person who has made the telephone call.
• The text message: “Can you forward me your number? I think I have lost it.” Indeed.
Finally, the classics:
• Why is a round pizza put in a square box?
• What is the Brazilian bikini wax called in Brazil?
• What is the French kiss called in France?
• Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me? (Mae West)
• Is that a mobile in your pocket, or are you not happy to see me? (Post-modern version)
• Are important people assassinated, ordinary people just murdered?
• What was the best thing before sliced bread?
• What is the second-oldest profession?
• If a cat always lands on its feet, and buttered bread always lands buttered side down, what would happen if you tied buttered bread with the buttered side up on top of a cat?
• If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
• Why did the chicken cross the road?
• Why do beer cans come in packs of six?
• If human beings were meant to be vegetarians, why are animals made of meat?
• Last, why did Adam eat the Apple, when he could have just thrown it away?
What is the most stupid question you have heard? Tell t2@abpmail.com
