Milind Soman is ensconced in a far corner at La Terrasse, The Oberoi Grand, on a Friday afternoon, speaking on the phone. Salt-and-pepper hair, three shirt buttons open… a few months shy of 50, Milind Soman makes you go weak at the knees. But a half-hour chat later, you come away believing what the man says — sexy is really in his mind more than in his looks. Excerpts from the t2 chat...

This new look of yours must be for Bajirao Mastani?

Yeah, this moustache… 

You don’t seem to like it too much…

It’s been so long! I have had it for almost a year now. I am comfortable, but I am tired of it. You can sport the same look for a year, but you should not be forced to. The thing is, I don’t like to stick on a moustache or a beard. If I am going to be shooting, then it has to be mine. 

Have you finished shooting for Bajirao Mastani?

No…. It’s a small role, but I enjoy acting. It’s a love story and I am not one of the lovers (smiles). I select projects according to how much time I have and whether the project might be interesting. But mostly I do it because I like acting. I want to be in an environment where I am having fun and not stressed out. It’s not a career for me… it’s a hobby. Even though the money is good, it is still a hobby. Actually, everything in my life is a hobby. I just do whatever I enjoy. You put in your best and try to get as much out of them as you can. And, that shows. 

Are you feeling like an Ironman (a triathlon including swimming, cycling and running held in Zurich in July, which Milind took part in)?

Well, people call me a robot… no emotions. Ironman, yes, I believe there are not many things that I cannot do. And more than physically, mentally and emotionally I feel very strong. Always. I was looking to do something that would make my 50th year memorable, but I knew Ironman wasn’t going to be tough if I prepared well. The preparation is always difficult, always monotonous, always hard because you have to do the same thing again and again. But once you have done that, the final event is always easy. 

Once I finished the biking leg of the event (Ironman), I knew I had finished the event because the run is not a challenge at all… 42 kilometres is something that I do very easily. The weather could have been a problem. Europe this year was very hot. But I don’t even think of these things as obstacles…. I have run from Delhi to Bombay in summer. It’s more in your mind. Your mind creates these fears. What does one mind tell the other mind? Shut up! (Laughs) The body can do whatever you want. You have to be in a position to demand it, mentally. 
So, the whole thing about Ironman or any endurance event is first for your mind to say, ‘Yes, I can do it.’ I maintain a level of fitness so that I don’t need to train for something, I can just do it. That is my goal. With the marathon for example, I have been running for 14 years. So, I don’t train for a marathon.      

But you picked up cycling specifically for Ironman...

I am not comfortable with cycling… it’s actually physically uncomfortable. I started swimming after 25 years only for this, but I rediscovered that I really enjoy it. And I am probably beginning to enjoy cycling a little bit. 

You didn’t feel like quitting Ironman at any point?

I knew that I would do it. I had no doubt. My run from Delhi to Mumbai was 10,000 times tougher. The reason being that there are stages when you feel like quitting. In a 15-hour event, where will you feel like quitting? You must be thinking 15 hours is a long time, but while you are doing it, you don’t feel like it at all. But the moment you go to sleep and wake up the next day and you have to do it again, that’s when it begins to bother you mentally. Physically, you get better. Mentally, you get worse. ‘How am I going to do it? It’s crazy’. I did it in 30 days. The biggest exercise is with your mind. The most discipline you need is in your mind. Mental focus and commitment are the toughest things. 

But you are also extremely fit. 

I am fit today at a certain level because I have been active for 40 years. I started swimming competitively at the age of 10. I am 50 now and more than fitness, it’s about understanding how my body works and how my mind works. To do an Ironman from zero… if you can swim, one year of preparation is enough. I took 80 days. 

Where should one start from to take part in Ironman?

Start with your weakest link. For example, if it is cycling… once you get to 180 kilometres, you can keep practising… once a month or twice a month. Then you move on to running or swimming and then you build up individual distances with enough rest in between and then start combining it. Sounds simple, but the programme is complex. I made my own programme. The best thing about endurance sport is what you learn about yourself, your mind, your body… everything to do with your body… digestion, sleep patterns, your recovery. You learn how to focus, how to concentrate, discipline… you know when you are lazy and why you are lazy, what excuses you make and they help you with everything else. 

What has Ironman taught you!

It’s a reaffirmation of how amazing I am. 

Oh yes you are! Tell us about being sexy at 50…

Well, that’s a perception. What is sexy? Sexy is confidence. Not misplaced or overconfidence, but the confidence that stems from self-belief, not insecurity. I really enjoy myself. And when I say I enjoy myself, I am not talking about eating, but enjoying myself the way I am, the person I am. I love the kind of thoughts I have. I love the kind of things I do. That’s very attractive in anybody. You want to be like that. That’s a very powerful thing. 
Of course, I am also blessed with certain features (smiles), but I am telling you it’s much more than that. I may have started getting attention for my looks when I was say 15 or 16, but even as a kid at six or seven, I was like this. Amitabh Bachchan, he is not good-looking… Dilip Kumar, so charismatic… where does the sex appeal come from? It comes from someplace you don’t understand which makes you attracted to them, to be with them, to feel that aura. It’s more than looks. 

So, sexy is in the mind?

It’s only in the mind. It’s the connection you feel with everything around. You feel they are comfortable in their space. They own it. They are so powerful that you get the feeling that nothing can harm them and you want to be like that. Why do people want to go and touch Amitabh Bachchan? It’s not a sexual thing. You feel it’s God-given and you want a part of that divinity to be yours. So, to be sexy, you need to love yourself. And not in a selfish way, but in an enjoyable way… the way you are. 

You aren’t narcissistic, are you?

I have become slightly because of the kind of attention I get, have got for 27 years. So, yes, I look at myself in the mirror and say, ‘Okay (smiles the Milind Soman smile)… I am good-looking’(laughs out loud). My mother used to say: ‘What do people see in you? You look ordinary to me’. This was maybe when I was 18 or 20. 

I started modelling at 23 and when I had started, all the designers were going crazy. I had never met any designers before. I was a swimmer… totally different world. I used to wonder, ‘What are they seeing? I am looking at the mirror and I cannot see anything. I am the same person I have known for 23 years’. Then I began to learn about the whole market… what is it that works? It differs from country to country. 

When people compliment you that you are pushing 50 and still look wow, how do you perceive that? 

But I know it! The thing is I can see all the other 50-year-olds. I can see my friends who were in school and college with me and I am like, ‘What happened to this fellow?’ A friend of mine whom I have known for 25 years started training about five years ago. I like that part also. People watch me and it changes their life. I don’t tell them what to do. I put myself out there. 

What is your tip for the Calcutta man?

Just be comfortable with who you are. There is nothing wrong with you, whatever anybody says. It’s a dangerous thing to say in Calcutta because Bengalis never think there is anything wrong with them (laughs out loud), which is one of their lovable characteristics.