Users of Reddit (social news and entertainment site) posed questions (on Monday) and Madonna, 55, answered them her way… the badass way. This is how it went…

Is your publicist or an intern typing everything for you? Be honest.

My housekeeper. I’m vacuuming; the housekeeper is typing.

What is the last thing you laughed about?

The fact that I had a dream about Brad Pitt.

What is the last dream you remember that you’re willing to share?

Brad Pitt and I were living together and there was a small blonde child on the bed. Sorry Angelina, it was only a dream.

What do you really think of Lady Gaga?

(No answer)

Can you name one gay guy you wish you could turn straight?

Frank Ocean (singer-songwriter).

If you were a gay man, would you be on top or bottom?

I’m a gay man!

What is the best present you got for your B-day?

I got a bong in the shape of a penis.

If you could talk to your 20-year-old self, what would you say?

Don’t take any of this personally.

You’re coming over for dinner. What the hell do I make?

Make me a dirty martini.

What is your favourite dessert?

A lemon tart or the rose lychee macaroon cake from La Duree (luxury bakery in Paris).

Throughout your career you’ve taken a stand against homophobia, sexism, ageism etc. but what current issues drive you to voice your opinion creatively?

Censoring of artistes around the world. Censorship… for instance Pussy Riot (Russian feminist punk rock protest group).

I am going through a rough break-up after a three-year relationship with my BF...what should I do to ease the pain? Which of your songs should I play?

Gang Bang.

Which music video was your favourite to make?

Justify My Love (1990) in Paris.

What’s your favourite method of procrastination?

Plucking my eyebrows.

You love soundtracks. Which ones have you been listening to recently?

The Skin I Live In (2011).

Where should I put these hydrangeas (a species of flowering plant)?

Up your ass.

What is it about Frida Kahlo (Mexican painter) that inspires you the most?

That she was the subject of her art. All of her work is a self-portrait and yet she shared universal stories and feelings by sharing her personal story. Also she was a freedom fighter and she lived a controversial life and was a survivor. So I admire her life story and art the way she lived her life as well as her art.

Whose idea was to re-invent the famous Jean Paul Gaultier corset?

It was Gaultier’s idea to re-create the black patent leather cage.

Why do you not have any pet at home?

I have fish and some cockroaches.

What does Marlene Dietrich mean to you?

She is the archetype of an iconic strong female with equal amounts of masculine and feminine (qualities).

Pharrell Williams (singer/ songwriter/ producer) once said he suggested to Daft Punk that they should produce for you. Frankly, it would be the ultimate collaboration ever. Would you consider it?

I would love to work with Daft Punk. Just waiting for them to return my call.

Thanks for being so fu**ing badass.

Thanks for noticing.

How do you calm down when you get angry?

I don’t. It’s a hot mess.

What is the most embarrassing moment in your life?

There are so many. When I went out on stage and said hello to the wrong city; sleep deprivation.

What do I need to do to make you go on a date with me?

Send photo.