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GRAND MASTI (A)
Director: Indra Kumar
Cast: Vivek Oberoi, Riteish Deshmukh, Aftab Shivdasani, Bruna Abdullah, Manjari Fadnis
Running time: 136 minutes
Ratings: N/A
Have you ever watched a film where you’ve felt that you are being stripped one clothing item at a time, right through the running time? Where you’ve squirmed so much in your seat that you’ve almost made a dent out there, hoping to disappear through that hole? Where you’ve had to hang your head in shame just realising how disgustingly low we’ve gone in the name of entertainment? All in the name of Grand Masti.
The film, for the lack of a better term for the filth factory, is plucked from the same vineyard as Kanti Shah Ke Angoor. In a desperate bid to reprise the success of 2004’s Masti and the zillion other films about ghar ka khana-vs-biryani, Indra Kumar, the man behind Aamir Khan and Anil Kapoor’s early success, has made something so infuriatingly insufferable that it makes Miley Cyrus’s twerkathon look oh-so-classy!
It’s difficult to imagine who all would have Grand Masti visiting this smut shop, which is neither sexy nor porn and is as funny as a used toothbrush, but it’s not difficult to list the people who should have a problem with the contents of the film. So here we go...
Women: Not just because Vivek Oberoi and Aftab Shivdasani appear in drag and try to kiss each other. Ewwwwww... the memories of that moment! But just the way women and their body parts are shown and referred to, in an attempt to stir the hormones of the repressed Indian male.
Education institutions: Well, Kumar and his writers have devised a new alphabet code for the film where ‘A’ is not for apple and ‘B’ is not for ball and you can’t even say or show what ‘C’ and ‘D’ stand for. And the college in the film is called Shree Lalchand University of Technology and Science (SLUTS, get?).
Cats and bulls: The cat in the film is called Pussy and she is the butt of a lot of obnoxiousness. If you remember what the border terrier was made to do in There’s Something About Mary. And Aftab actually comes out from the butt — of the statue of a bull. If you remember what Jim Carrey had to do in Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls. Copy crap, right!
Gandhi and Lincoln Societies: In a film where women are called Rose Mary Marlo and men Harrdik, Gandhi and Lincoln are quoted by the villain.
Crows: The same villain has a pet crow that pecks at the male crotch and mixes date drugs in soups. Yes, you read that right.
Genelia D’Souza: Vivek and Aftab’s desper ation is understandable but why Riteish would indulge in this kind of “gang bang” is quite inexplicable. The Mrs would sure want an answer.
BMW and Apple: A truck full of trash is emptied on a spanking new BMW and working iPhones are thrown to the ground but the Manforce condom is showcased in all its glory.
Salman Khan: Because Vivek Oberoi spots a Dabangg poster on the road and actually climbs up a light post in fear. Oh wait, Salman might actually enjoy that!
You too might have problems with the contents of Grand Masti, which is actually a Grand Travesty! You should. Because no matter what they want to assign to it, ‘F’ here only stands for FAIL.
