Google is set to save the day, again. Jon Perlow, an employee of the search engine, has come up with an idea that promises to end forever the drunken email phenomenon. You know, when you get back home from a night out and send alcohol-addled, misguided missives to your ex-boss/boyfriend/girlfriend? Called Mail Goggles, the software intercepts any email written after a certain hour. It asks: “It’s that time of day. Are you sure you want to send this?” and then proceeds to pose five simple mathematical questions. Answer them correctly and your mail goes through. So has drunk-dialling now been replaced by drunk-emailing? Comments on blogs asking for such devices on cellphones suggest not. We say, such censorship is required in many other facets of our over-indulged lives. Here are some possible applications…

When you are drinking yourself silly

The embarrassment that too much alcohol brings with it is not limited to the stray drunken email. Think of all the other deeply-regretted acts you have perpetrated during the dark hours. It will be a monitor which can discreetly be attached to, say, a wristwatch strap. When you breathe into it, it will be able to tell you just how much you have consumed, and depending on pre-programmed data — weight, age, sex and if you are driving home — will be able to tell you whether you have had your fill for the night, or how long you should wait before having your next. It will also remind you about the hangover that will be waiting for you in the morning.

“It should also be able to tell you if your boss is in the same club, thus ensuring that you think twice before downing those six pegs,” muses Sameer Mathur, marketing professional. “Two people in Mumbai have recently been handed a six-month jail sentence for drunken driving. The software will keep reminding the user about this. That should do the trick,” smiles homemaker Meera Sengupta.

When you open your mouth too wide — or too much

A slice of chocolate cake: 5,781 calories. Really? No. But it sometimes feels that way. When you are eating, not even overeating, you often see a ghostly face looming before you… You can’t place her till you take that first creamy bite. And then, wham! It hits you with nausea-inducing clarity. It’s your friendly, neighbourhood dietician.

So, what if there was a portable calorie counter — one that knew exactly how much you ate, and how much you should be eating? Sounds like hell to some, but to those actually trying to watch their weight, it would take the guesswork and counting stress out of it, at least.

“An alarm will go off when one crosses the permitted calories per day,” recommends IT professional Amlan Banerjee. But what if you choose to break your own rules and head for a luscious Sunday brunch? Take our advice — leave the box at home.

If that takes care of what you are putting into your mouth, another gadget is sorely needed for what comes out of your mouth. It will give you a sharp poke every time it detects you talking too much, and more importantly, revealing too much. Ideas on how this could be implemented are welcome.

Before you pick a fight

This is one we could all do with: a device that springs into action every time it senses that tempers are on the rise. It will monitor your blood pressure, and will be programmed to recognise abusive words. You can also add personalised information, for doesn’t everyone have their own favourite fighting phrases? It will beep louder every time you scream at someone. This is a simple decibel check.

Through voice recognition, it will know when you are on the verge of picking a fight with someone close, and it will remind you by way of a sharp vibration of all the good times you have shared together. “The divorce count will definitely go down with a software like that around,” laughs college student Ritu Mohanty.

The only problem is that it needs to be fixed fast, because when you are angry, the first thing you are likely to do is pull it off in a fit of rage.

When you are shopping yourself into bankruptcy

Are you giving Shopaholic’s Rebecca Bloomwood a run for her shopping bags? You need a device that can keep a watch on your wallet. Every time you go shopping and pull out some cash or try swiping your credit card, the contraption will tell you whether you can afford it or not. If you have exceeded your weekly permissible limit, it will sound an alarm.

“A sophisticated version will also be able to tell you how much cash will come your way if you choose to invest the amount instead of blowing it up,” suggests advertising executive Siddhartha Sharma. Husbands will be a happy lot.

In dire circumstances, when you are threatening your financial health with your irresponsibility, the money minder will be empowered to shut down your credit cards. There will be no override system for this one. And no, you won’t be able to just shut down.

Before casting your vote

Think of how much better the country will be if such a technology were to be invented. Before you reach out to press a button on the voting machine, a little black box will ask you whether you have thought your decision through or not. It will ask you some simple questions about the candidate. If you fail to answer them correctly, it will take you through a short presentation about his or her credentials — political experience, party agenda, education, and most importantly, criminal record.

On second thoughts, it might force many to abandon attempts at exercising their vote altogether. And no software can help save the day on this front.

Before you say ‘I do’

With divorce rates skyrocketing, it’s about time we enlisted neutral, outside advice before making one of life’s most important decisions. When you decide to pop the question, you can acquire this software which, on installation, will ask for the couple’s profile, with details about individual priorities and personality traits. The software will prompt you with helpful multiple choice questions. It will eventually tell you the chances of the union lasting. “People will not be afraid of marriage because such a software will help them make the right decision,” says finance executive Himanshu Agrawal.

Low-tech traditionalists may point out an even simpler way to figure out the answer to the should-I-say-I-do question. If you feel the need for such a software, just say ‘I don’t’!

Can you add to this list? Tell t2@abpmail.com