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SALMAN KHAN FOR JAI HO
The twin episodes with the highest TVR starts off with the trademark war of words between Bittu (Kapil Sharma) and wife Manju (Sumona Chakravarti). Manju, fed up of Kapil’s constant taunts against her family, says that her Bhai will be on the show. Cue for Salman Khan to enter.
Best moments: If Salman Khan was married, what would the atmosphere at his home Galaxy Apartments be like, wonders Kapil. Let’s give the audience a sample here, says Manju even as Salman looks on flabbergasted. This results in a fun five-minute skit in which Manju pretends to be Salman’s wife who gets him his morning cup of tea: “Yeh bed tea hai ya bad tea?” asks Salman. Manju to Salman: “Meri bua Amritsar mein rehti hai… hum kab wahaan jayenge?” Kapil butts in with: “Pati Salman Khan hai toh kum se kum bua toh Paris ki leke aa!” Forced to get up from “bed” by Manju, Salman quips: “Isliye maine shaadi nahin ki!”
Pinky Bua (Upasana Singh) to Salman: “Kasam khao ki tum mujhse shaadi karoge.” Salman to Bua: “Kuch aur kha sakta hoon? Like zeher.”
Top jokes: Bua’s secret admirer turns up, pretending to be Salman Khan. A lightweight, Kapil tells Bua: “Exhaust fan chala do, yeh khud nikal jayega.” When Bua comes on to Salman, Kapil cautions him with: “Yeh itni buddhi hai ki aapke papa Salim Khan saab ne inko Sholay mein mausi ke role ke liye sign kiya tha… aur reject ho gayi kyunki woh tab bhi overage thi!”
Audience pick: A female fan comes on stage with a slingshot and a request: She wants to be hit on her butt, like Madhuri Dixit in Hum Aapke Hain… Koun! Salman does the honours.
Another fan says: “My brother is 32 and doesn’t want to marry. Please convince him.” Salman: “I haven’t been able to convince myself!”
When a man says he’s a Salman fan but his wife is Shah Rukh’s fan, Salman says: “Aapki wife ki jo taste hai hero mein bahut achhi hai.”
What we loved: When Salman says that he spotted his Jai Ho co-star Daisy Shah when she was a background dancer in choreographer Ganesh Acharya’s troupe, Kapil delivers a winner: “Aapko yeh Ganesh Acharya (who weighs 150kg-plus) ke peechhey dikh gayi?” When Palak requests Salman to give her a chance in his next film, Kapil says: “Newcomer ko chance detey hain… triple kamar ko nahin!”
What we learnt: Salman loved (and the world hated) the script of Hello Brother. “Premiere mein pataa chala ki yeh picture sirf Galaxy Apartments mein chalegi.”
TVR: 11.8 & 11.4
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AMITABH BACHCHAN FOR BHOOTHNATH RETURNS
Amitabh Bachchan stars in a special two-episode series to promote his April film Bhoothnath Returns. Goosebumps: When AB Sr enters dancing to Main hoon don and Party toh banti hai.
Best moments: When Kapil asks Bachchan: “You know being Amitabh Bachchan what you have lost? You can never be clicked with Amitabh Bachchan and you can’t put it up on social networking sites. You can never shout and whistle seeing Amitabhji on screen and you can’t eat paani puri on the road!”
Before Palak (Kiku Sharda) starts her trademark sher, she asks Bachchan: “Sir, aap thodi der pehle yahi pe khade thhe na? Toh main apni line yahin se shuru karti hoon kyunki line wohi se shuru hoti hai jahan pe aap khade hote hain!”
Top jokes: Kapil takes one look at Bachchan in Bhoothnath garb and says: “Aap bahut corporate type bhoot hai!” Palak lands up in school uniform. Reason? Bhoothnath the friendly ghost is only supposed to be visible to kids. Kapil tells Palak: “School ki bachchi nahin lag rahi hai... lagta hai poora school chal ke aa gaya hai!”
Audience pick: A rare episode when Comedy Nights with Kapil crew members became part of the audience to ask Bachchan questions. One man said that when he went back to his village after his first visit to Mumbai, everyone — from a rickshaw-puller to a grocery shop owner — refused to take money from him because he had seen Amitabh Bachchan on the road one day! When a young man demands that Bachchan teach him a dialogue or two, Kapil asks AB: “Police ko main bulaoon ya aap?” The man does a terrible job of imitating Big B in an Agneepath dialogue, resulting in the audience going ROFL.
What we loved: When Palak says that Gabbar from Sholay was actually a nice man. Why? “Because Kaalia was having Gabbar’s namak all these years. And when you have namak, you get high blood pressure. Toh Gabbar achhe aadmi thhe... unhonein pehle hi Kaalia ko goli khila diya!”
When Bachchan turned the tables on Daadi (Ali Asgar) by planting a quick kiss on “her” cheeks! And remember how he pranked Raju the servant by pretending to walk out of the show after taking offence. Raju is ready to drop dead in mortification when Bachchan cracks up — it was all a joke, yaa!
What we learnt: When Kapil first landed up in Mumbai from Punjab, he spent days standing in front of Amitabh Bachchan’s Juhu residence.
TVR: 11.1 & 10.6
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VIDYA BALAN-FARHAN AKHTAR... AND BUA’S WEDDING!
A special episode for the Sharma family… Pinky Bua is getting married to Golden Bhai. Reason enough for Vidya Balan and Farhan Akhtar to land up to talk Shaadi Ke Side Effects.
Best moments: Kapil describing the various relatives and their awkward to funny dance steps at a wedding. His best impersonation: The drunk relative who does the same nagin dance to every song.
Kapil to Farhan: “The way you ran in Bhaag Milkha Bhaag, you should have made it to our show much earlier.”
Palak to Farhan: “Aapne Bhaag Milkha Bhaag ke role ke liye body banayi thi.” Kapil butts in: “Aur isne road-roller ke hisaab se body banayi hai.”
Kapil to Vidya: “Your husband’s name is Siddharth Roy (Kapur) and Farhan’s name in the film is Siddharth Roy. Pati ke hisaab se script dhoonda ya script ke hisaab se pati?”
Top jokes: When Kapil’s brother-in-law tells him: “Aap humein hamesha underwear (read: underestimate) karte hain.”
Palak’s sher for Farhan: “Agar main make-up ke bina aaoon toh kya aap darenge… ya havan karenge, havan karenge, havan karenge?”
Audience pick: A Farhan fan, his arms and legs all over the place, dances to Senorita on stage and Farhan apes his hilarious steps. We went LOL at the PT-style moves that Kapil described as “bathroom dancing”.
What we loved: Bua calling Vidya “Didi” because “inki shaadi mere pehle hui thi.” Vidya to Bua: “Phuphaji kya karte hain?” Bua: “Abhi tak toh shaadi nahin hui toh mujhe kaise pata kya karte hain?!”
What we learnt: That it was love at first sight for Farhan when he met wife Adhuna.
TVR: 10.9
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MADHURI DIXIT-HUMA QURESHI FOR DEDH ISHQIYA
Kapil opens the episode by asking the audience whether they have ever been in love. A couple of hilarious interactions later, Madhuri Dixit enters to talk Dedh Ishqiya.
Best moment: Kapil on Madhuri’s million-dollar smile: “Koi chashme ke bagair na dekhe… heart attack ho jayega. Main khud mirgi hote hote bacha hoon!”
Top jokes: A beauty parlour owner (Raju Srivastav) to Madhuri: “Aapne pehle gaaya na jaane kahaan dil kho gaya… phir gaaya dhak dhak karne lagaa… tab hi mujhe pataa chal gaya ki aapki shaadi ek doctor se hogi.”
Palak’s sher for Huma: “Thande paani se nahaane se bachchon ko ho jaati hai pneumonia… ho womaniya, ho womaniya!”
Audience pick: When a young man tells Madhuri he loves her, Kapil pretends to call up Dr Nene, saying: “Ek zeher waala injection bhar ke leke aaiye!”
Huma Qureshi pops up as an audience member and asks her question: “How have you been tolerating Kapil Sharma for so long?” The expression on Kapil’s face? Priceless.
What we loved: The way Huma addresses Kapil as “bhaiya”… Babaji ka thullu! Daadi gets a new foreigner boyfriend while on holiday in Goa, but his wig comes off in Kapil’s hand… he turns out to be a roadside ruffian!
What we learnt: Madhuri’s husband
Dr Nene hadn’t watched a single film of hers before marriage. “Iska matlab hum jaise jo inka qadr karte hain unko Babaji ka thullu,” says Kapil.
TVR: 10.6
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RAVEENA TANDON
Kapil and Navjot Singh Sidhu talk New Year resolutions. Kapil: “My neighbour Mr Gupta’s reason for not sticking to his resolution to make a body like Salman Khan’s...‘I will become Salman, but my wife will never change into Katrina Kaif!’”
Best moments: Kapil praises Manju and her family, much to Manju’s shock. Manju: “Main chahti hoon tum six-pack abs banao.” Kapil: “Tum mere jaise bhale insaan mein chhey chhey ab (fault) dhoond rahi ho?!”
When Kapil and Raveena become “sahelis” and talk clothes and boys. ROFL!
Top jokes: Kapil: “People ask me why I am single… but the ones I want to mingle with, like Raveena, are singing jingles with others!”
Kapil on Palak: “God first made Palak’s body and then used a crane to lift her head and fit it in!”
Audience pick: A Raveena fan is called on stage to be part of an eve-teasing skit. As part of the act, Raveena punishes him by telling him to become a “murga”. Kapil’s quip: “Bhaag jaa nahin toh ab bolegi ki anda bhi de.”
What we loved: When a middle-aged fan dances to Ankhiyon se goli maare, Kapil tells him: “Aap toh har taraf se goli chala rahein thhe… machine gun se.”
What we learnt: Raveena is already a grandmother! At age 21, she adopted a girl who is a mother today.
TVR: 10.6
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HEMA MALINI
Kapil starts off the episode by talking about the condition of India’s roads — “Aisa lagta hai ki gaddho ke beech mein dekh dekh ke sadak banayi hai!” Enter the Dream Girl Hema Malini — Lalu Prasad had once famously said he would make Patna’s roads “as smooth as Hema Malini’s cheeks”.
Best moments: When a vegetable vendor on stage keeps sprinkling water on his wares, Kapil asks him: “Sabziyan kya behosh hain?”
When Kapil asks Hema: “Yeh khoobsurati jo aapne barkarar rakhi hai… is it god-gifted or do you get any help from the government?!”
When Hema describes how Dharmendra courted her, Kapil says: “Punjabi hai toh haath dhokey peechhey padh gaye honge!”
Top jokes: Kapil on Manju’s father: “Main iske baap ko bola ki ‘Aapka face bhikhari ki katore jaisa hai’. Woh moonh aagey karke bolte hain, ‘Toh kuch daal de isme’.”
Kapil on Sholay being re-released in 3D: “Achha hai… ab toh Samba bhi nazdeek se dikhai dega. Nahin to bechara pahad ke oopar baitha raha.”
Audience pick: When a 46-year-old fan says he’s been a fan of Hema’s “since childhood”, Kapil quips: “Yeh aapse do saal chhoti hai!”
What we loved: When Kapil describes how Dharmendra will say the “chun chun ke maroonga” dialogue in Tamil. Howlarious!
What we learnt: That Hema Malini saw Shah Rukh Khan on his TV show Circus and signed him for Dil Aashna Hai. “Toh aajkal aap TV nahin dekhti ki kaun chhaya hua hai?” asks Kapil, pointing to himself!
TVR: 10.3
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Every Comedy Nights fan knows...
Babaji ka thullu: Kapil’s version of KLPD... high expectations, dismal results! (right)
Aapne kabhi socha tha ki aapko Comedy Nights mein aane ko milega?:
The biggest achievers... the most happening names... haven’t made it till they feature on a Comedy Nights episode!
Kiss-happy Daadi: Amitabh Bachchan to Sushant Singh Rajput — Daadi has puckered up for all.
Palak’s “Oh oh oh oh oh oh”: Kapil’s wit meets a Babaji ka thullu when Palak puts him in his place with her trademark “Oh oh oh oh oh... talk to the hand!”
Dhyan se dekhiye iss aadmi ko: Specially used by Kapil to draw attention to a member in the audience.
Shuutt uppp!: Bittu’s (Kapil) wife Manju’s stock answer every time he insults her.
WATCH OUT FOR! Sunil Grover may have made an entry into the show as Manju’s father, but he returns as the irrepressible man-woman Gutthi on the August 9 episode (Colors at 10pm) with Akshay Kumar
COMEDY PLUS
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Govinda
What happens when two kings of comedy wisecrack on the same stage? A non-stop hour of LOL moments. Govinda brought the house down, Kapil in tow, in a December episode last year.
We ROFL-ed: When Kapil asked Govinda if he had ever signed two films in a day, Chi Chi quipped: “No, I signed 14 films in 36 hours!”
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Virat Kohli
Virat Kohli was a riot on the show, especially when he revealed little-known facts about his Team India mates. Always sleepy: Rohit Sharma. Always wary of girls: Cheteshwar Pujara. “His name is Pujara, he prays five times a day and his wife’s name is also Puja!”
We ROFL-ed: When Virat copied Bua gesture for gesture in an act, right down to applying pink “lipashtick” in her signature style.
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Kapil Dev
The Haryana Hurricane gave us a rare peek into his sense of humour, giving Comedy Nights with Kapil one of its best episodes. The former Indian cricket captain’s impersonations of Dev Anand and Atal Bihari Vajpayee walking together was priceless!
We ROFL-ed: When Kapil asked Kapil Dev whether he had ever thought his team would win the 1983 World Cup, Kapil let loose a bouncer: “Never. We just wanted to win a few matches and holiday in America!”
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Sunil Gavaskar-Virender Sehwag
Cricketers have been great fun on the show and we round off this list with the Sehwag-Sunny partnership. It was super entertaining when Sidhu and Kapil exchanged places: Sidhu to ask questions to his mates, Kapil to sit in his place and go LOL.
We ROFL-ed: When Sehwag and Gavaskar danced with a fan to the Bhaag Milkha Bhaag hit Havan karenge. Terrible dancing, but so much fun!
