I liked The Mummy (1999). It was cheesy, thrilling and fun. I even liked The Mummy Returns (2001). I choose to forget The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor (2008). Honestly, I wasn’t expecting quality cinema in The Mummy, which is a reboot of the franchise, but I also did not picture myself going, “Oh my god, whaaat?!” (No, I wasn’t that polite), those many times during the film. Here are some of the most WTF moments from The Mummy. Yes, it is spoiler-y, but I promise you’ll thank me.

#WTF1 Tom Cruise, who plays Nick Morton, and his chum Chris Vale (Jake Johnson) are soldiers who, as a side business, “liberate” ancient items and sell them on the black market. They enter an Iraqi war zone and when they get ambushed by insurgents, they call for an air strike, and boom boom, it’s done. It’s that easy huh?!

#WTF2 That cringe-worthy sequence between Nick and Jenny where Nick tries to disprove Jenny’s claim that he lasted only 15 minutes during their night together by explaining how enthusiastic she was and how spent she was the next morning. Ugh! Also, a man who sleeps with a woman, steals her map and leaves without saying goodbye... that’s not a “lovable rogue”, that’s an asshat.

#WTF3 Okay, so I get that Ahmanet, the Egyptian princess, was so evil that she was mummified and buried outside Egypt. But in Iraq? Really?!

#WTF4 I can understand a woman using her sexuality as a weapon or tool of manipulation because it means she has agency. Why is sexuality necessary as a part of a rite? Gah! Speaking of which, even with an A certification, why was Ahmanet’s naked back covered with a big, black blotch? 

#WTF5 So, according to the film, Ahmanet was mummified 5,000 years ago, so how the heck did she know in which obscure church the ceremonial dagger needed to summon Set, the god of death, was hidden by Crusaders who came into the picture at least 4,000 years later?!

#WTF6 What do Ahmanet’s undead minions do? Other than chase Tom Cruise and Anabelle, that is? Are they like zombies who eat brains? Are they capable of sucking life out of others? Are we supposed to be scared of them? Why?

#WTF7 According to Russell Crowe’s Dr Jekyll, Prodigium is an organisation that “identifies, contains, studies and destroys evil”. Then shouldn’t he have destroyed himself because of his evil Edward  Hyde side?

#WTF8 Why were the dead bodies of knights identified as Crusaders kneeling before Ahmanet? She is an Egyptian princess who was “wiped from history” apparently. How did the knights know about her? Are they just responding to her because she is queen of the undead? Why is nothing ever explained?

#WTF9 So after Tom Cruise stabs himself with the evil ceremonial knife, he becomes a growly-voiced man who is torn between his normal self and his evil persona. Now try and imagine Tom Cruise as a powerful monster. Try it. Doesn’t work, does it? What the f**k!

#WTF10 Russell Crowe in his nth exposition tells us that we need a monster, that is Nick Morton, who we see kicking up sand with his earlier-dead-but-now-alive-friend Chris (how Nick found his body don’t ask), to kill another monster (the movie is part of a Dark Universe and many more monsters are going to come to life). So basically, The Mummy is a superhero origin story where the superhero is a monster!

Chandreyee Chatterjee
What did you like/dislike about The Mummy? Tell t2@abp.in