| PROBLEM | |
I am the only child of my parents. I am 27 years old and working in a law firm. My parents now want me to get married. They have even started looking for a match. But I am not interested in marriage. Instead, I am keen on adopting a girl whose mother, a widow, is suffering from tuberculosis. My parents are dead against the idea but I am not willing to compromise. At the same time, I don’t want to hurt them. I have already given my word to the girl’s mother. Should I leave home or is it better to take a transfer? Ranjini Sanyal, Calcutta | |
| For the time being, if you don’t want to marry, please don’t. Tuberculosis is a fully curable disease. So it’s better to help the sick mother financially and let the child be with her. Your decision reflects a bit of immaturity. So it’s better to lead your own life now and try to spare a thought for your parents. I think they deserve more consideration. | |
| GARGI BOSE, TOLLYGUNGE, Calcutta | |
| Being a working woman, you should have a mind of your own. Try to convince your parents that you are doing a good deed by adopting a girl child and if they are against your decision then go ahead and take a transfer. | |
| raffhat mir, mcleod street, calcutta | |
| Now you don’t want to marry, but in future you might feel the need for a life partner to fulfil your emotional and biological needs. Adopting a girl child is not a bad idea but if you get married later and have your own kid, will you be able to do justice to your adopted child? You can of course help her mother financially. Have a frank discussion with her mother. I am sure she will understand your dilemma. | |
| Sweta Bohra, alipore Road, Calcutta | |
| You should make your parents understand that your first priority is to adopt the baby, as promised. Marriage will have to wait, till you are mentally prepared. At the moment, you need their love and support to carry out this great responsibility. In case they still do not agree, you should leave home or get a transfer, which I feel, will definitely make your parents see reason. | |
| Nina Talukdar, | |
| Golpark, calcutta | |
| Ranjini. you deserve applause for your noble thought. At the same time, I would request you to consider your parents’ feelings too. Why don’t you want to get married? Maybe you will find a person who is as broad-minded as you are. Then the girl can have a father too and your parents a son-in-law. | |
| Sandipan Mitra, | |
| Behala, | |
| Calcutta | |
| You are the only child and your parents have a lot of expectations from you. I think you should respect their wishes. You should try to convince your parents to adopt the girl instead. | |
| Himanga Das, | |
| Paltan Bazar, | |
| Guwahati | |
| Bravo Ranjini!I really appreciate your guts. I think you should first find your own place and then set it up for the arrival of the girl. She should feel welcome which is not possible in your parents’ house. And if your parents have any respect or love for you, they are bound to come around some day. | |
| Uttama Banickya, | |
| Silchar, | |
| Assam | |
| Marriage is not a bar in adopting a child. You should first be sure of yourself — will you stay firm in your mission? If yes, then go ahead and find a partner whose mind is in tune with yours. | |
| Biswanath Pakrashi, | |
| Serampore, | |
| Hooghly | |
| Your decision is commendable indeed but not practical. Our society is still not ready to accept unwed mothers. You will soon be the target of malicious whisper campaigns. Why don’t you put up the child in a good boarding school and take care of all her expenses? Also, you should get married. This way, you can keep yourself and your parents happy. | |
| Mohan Narayan, | |
| Chottodighari, | |
| Burnpur | |
| Leaving your house or taking a transfer is actually your way of evading the real problem. You should adopt the girl and only get married to a person who will support your decision. This may, however, take some time. Such people are not easy to come by. Don’t be disheartened. | |
| Arunava Bose Chowdhury, | |
| Barrackpore | |
| Don’t antagonise your parents. You will need their support should you finally adopt the girl. I feel you are doing the right thing and the child will bring a lot of happiness and sunshine to your life. After all, getting married should not be the goal of anyone’s life. What you plan to do shows that you are a dutiful human being | |
| Sujoy Bera, | |
| Andul, | |
| Howrah | |
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| Expert Eye ISHITA SANYAL, Remaining unmarried by choice is becoming an increasingly attractive lifestyle option nowadays. Today, women no longer need husbands to support them, and men no longer need wives to cook and clean. But you will have to look into yourself and be sure about the reasons why you don’t want to marry. One can surely take the decision of nurturing and adopting a child even after remaining single. But think whether the decision is coming out of mere pity for the child. Before taking any hasty decision you must take the advice of an adoption agency also, know the problems that you can face, contact a psychologist to know yourself, whether the decision taken by you can be carried out happily for the rest of your life. After all this is a lifetime decision, which will affect both your life and the child’s. You must be sure whether you are really capable of fulfilling all the challenges of a single parent. Thinking of leaving home or taking a transfer means that you are trying to avoid the problematic situation. If you really want to remain single and adopt a child you will have to handle so many challenges of society. Be sure of yourself and take a positive step. | |
| Next month’s Response question Readers are invited to respond to the following problem. The answer should be within 150 words and reach us within a fortnight along with this coupon. Answers can be mailed to themes@abpmail.com or faxed to 033 2225 3142/ 2236 1208 My husband has no table manners. To top it all, he is a glutton. Whenever we go over to a friend’s or relative’s place, he doesn’t stop eating. He makes a royal mess on the table. It has become so embarrassing I am starting to dread being invited to social functions. I have tried broaching the subject but he is very touchy. What do I do now? Name and address withheld | |
Saturday, 14 February 2026
