| PROBLEM |
| I have recently married my college friend who belongs to a different culture and community. Since then, my husband has been unhappy with my housekeeping abilities, espe-cially my cooking. I do not get enough time in the kitchen as I have a demanding job. And what I serve does not suit his taste buds. Things have worsened since his parents have come over to stay with us. No matter how hard I try, I can’t seem to satisfy any of them. Now he wants his mother to stay with us, as he can’t do without her cooked food. Not that I mind, but this is certainly an insult to my abilities. How do I react? |
| Reema Sen, Calcutta |
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| Of course it hurts when you are making sacrifices for someone who does not appreciate it. But ask yourself — do you exist to satisfy your husband’s taste buds? There is no harm if he asks his mother to do his cooking but ensure that your food is cooked according to your palate. That may make him look in the right direction. |
| Santwana Chatterjee, Calcutta |
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| The better option for you is to welcome your mother-in- law. Her cooking may not suit your taste buds but you should tolerate it. Your hubby has already expressed his dissatisfaction and if you too follow the same route, then your marriage will turn into a nightmare. |
| Joydeep Biswas, Siliguri |
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| Be frank with your husband and explain to him the difficulties you are facing. You can read some books to polish up your culinary skills. You can also observe your mother-in-law in the kitchen. Try and sing praises for your in-laws to your husband. |
| Babita Peters, address withheld |
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| Why doesn’t your hubby help you in the kitchen? He can cook what he likes; if not, let his mom cook till you can bear it. If that is not acceptable to you, then walk out of this marriage before it is too late. |
| Ramesh Daswani, address withheld |
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| Your husband should be proud that you are working and still trying to cook for him. Whatever you are serving after a hard day’s work should be good enough for him. Tell him that you can’t cater to his whims and spend all your life in the kitchen. |
| Jang Bahadur Singh, Jamshedpur |
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| As your efforts to please him have failed, let his mother cook for him. You take the backseat and enjoy the food she prepares. |
| Chaitali Kar, Jamshedpur |
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| There is nothing insulting in being an average cook. Being in a demanding job proves that you have qualities that your mom-in-law or others in the family don’t have. So just relax and be more confident. |
| Sanjay Majumder, Calcutta |
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| You have two options — total submission to the situation and adaptation, or learning how to cook well. Besides, things might worsen if your hubby feels you resent the presence of his parents. Showing due respect to the mother is a very good way of easing strained conjugal ties. |
| Averi Sarkar, Durgapur |
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| Such mismatches are common in cross-cultural marriages. But the problem here is the attitude of your husband. No matter how deliciously you cook, it will never be as good as his mother’s. And he will never tire of pointing it out. Your parents have not brought you up to be the cook to a spoilt brat. Make it clear to his parents that it’s your household — they are welcome to stay there but on your terms. If their son finds it hard to swallow, then walk out of the marriage. Let him starve when his mother is no more. |
| Chameli Pal, Calcutta |
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| You should encourage your mother-in-law to take over the kitchen. This will give you more time for your personal work and will keep her happy as she can cook for her son. |
| Protyusha Dawn, Calcutta |
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| You should also urge your husband to change his food habits. Otherwise, you can pretend to quit your job for domestic work. It might work to make your husband change his views. |
| Dibakar Roy, Chakdaha, Nadia |
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| It is quite natural for you to consider your husband’s behaviour insulting. He should have extended his helping hand in the kitchen. Now the only option for you is to learn from his mother. Best of luck! |
| Rasheed Ahmed, Digboi, Assam |
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| Your husband is not the only one who has this problem. So don’t be touchy. The solution lies in getting a neutral hand. Employ a professional cook. |
| .K. Sircar, Calcutta |
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| You are not supposed to sacrifice your career for a petty reason as this. Think about your job and get more involved with it. At home, try sharing time with your in-laws. Try to play Miss Congeniality for a month and you will see the difference. After all, you deserve more than just being the kitchen queen. |
| Saheli Kanjilal, Calcutta |
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| Your cooking can never be the same as his mother’s. But this does not give him any reason to hang on to her and her cooked food. If he loves you, then he might as well cope with it without having his mom around. |
| Supti Kanaujia, Jamshedpur |
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| If you want to salvage your marriage, then welcome your in-laws, keep them happy and learn cooking from the mother. You have to get accustomed to the different culture and norms of the community you now belong to. |
| Namita Banerji, Calcutta |
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| If your husband can’t do without his mom’s cooking, why do you take it as an insult? It is a golden opportunity for you to learn what he likes to eat. Can you blame your brother if he is hooked on your mother’s cooking? Your husband’s approach may not be subtle but try to accept it gracefully. |
| Mira Sarkar, Calcutta |
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| It is very mean on your husband’s part. The problem is self-created and intentional. I suggest you try to learn from your mother-in-law if she teaches with you respect and honour. If not, just ignore the whole thing. |
| Soma Chanda, Calcutta |
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Saturday, 05 July 2025
