Ugly Fugly

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By A FUGLY EXPERIENCE FROM THE HOUSE OF AKSHAY KUMAR Pratim D. Gupta Share a 140-character review of F*ugly at t2@abp.in
  • Published 14.06.14
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fugly: adj. Very ugly or unattractive.

[Usage: The new Hindi film this week is fugly.]

In Hollywood they have The Black List where they put together the best unproduced screenplays thereby attracting money and talent. Here in Bollywood, they get hold of the blacklisted scripts, hire filmmakers who have proved their unworthiness more than once, and splurge a lot of money, confident that talent won’t be needed.

Neymar might have missed his third for the night early on Friday but director Kabir Sadanand, who had made two equally unwatchable films in Popcorn Khao! Mast Ho Jao and Tum Milo Toh Sahi, has just scored his hat-trick with F*ugly. To give credit where it’s due, it’s a team effort where all the players contributed to the final scoreline.

The pitch: Eight years after Rang De Basanti, you want to make another Rang De Basanti, but you don’t have an Aamir Khan. So what do you do? You plant a groggy-eyed piece of wood in front of India Gate who sets himself on fire in the opening scene of the film. Why? Because people supposedly listen to a dying man! Not if you are Mohit Marwah.

The next two hours is a painful recollection of what happened to him and his friends five years back. Painful for us, because all those burn injuries have just given the man a healthy tan.

Who else is in the dream team? There’s our Olympic medallist Vijender Singh who plays a boxer named Gaurav. If Sunny Leone can play a pornstar in Bollywood, why can’t Vijender be himself? Then there’s Arif Lamba who everyone calls Haggu because he sits on the pot a little too often. And in case there is any confusion about the relationship status of Mohit’s Dev, the girl in the gang is called Devi (Kiara Advani).

The not-so-awesome foursome run into a bad, bad cop named Chautala (Jimmy Sheirgill) who randomly snares them one fine night in a murder case and then continues to siphon money from them. Drug parties, corrupt politicians and conscientious media get together to make the F*ugly experience more ugly and unattractive.

Besides the fact that you have seen all this before, what makes things fugliest is an untalented cast going undirected. Mohit should hurt the admission count of the acting school at his father’s Noida Film City. Arif is better off on the pot. Kiara is a poor man’s Deepika Padukone. Very poor man. And Vijender’s caught napping a little too often to pack a punch in this ring. It’s only Jimmy who plays the devil with delicious aplomb.

The big question, after you have watched the film, is not “Yeh F*ugly F*ugly kya hai?”, rather “Yeh F*ugly F*ugly kyun hai?” Will producer Akshay Kumar answer that or is he still on a holiday?

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A way out?

Chal Bhaag

An MLA is gunned down by three men in this Prakash Saini-directed film. At the same time, three small-time goons –– Munna (Deepak Dobriyal), Bunty (Tarun Bajaj) and Daler (Varun Mehra) –– are arrested. The police come under immense pressure and an inspector decides to swap the gunmen with the petty thieves. Is there a way out?