● When Rajinikanth does push-ups, he isn’t lifting himself up. He is pushing the earth down.

● There is no such thing as evolution, it’s just a list of creatures that Rajinikanth allowed to live.

● Rajinikanth can divide by zero.

● Rajinikanth can judge a book by its cover.

● Rajinikanth can delete the Recycle Bin.

● Rajinikanth can slam a revolving door.

● Rajinikanth once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are today called giraffes.

● Rajinikanth can make onions cry.

● Rajinikanth destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognises the element of surprise.

● Rajinikanth once got into a knife-fight. The knife lost.

● Rajinikanth never wet his bed as a child. The bed wet itself in fear.

● Rajinikanth does not own a stove, oven, or microwave, because revenge is a dish best served cold.

● Rajinikanth has already been to Mars, that’s why there is no sign of life there.

● Rajinikanth doesn’t move at the speed of light. Light moves at the speed of Rajinikanth.

● When you say ‘no one is perfect’, Rajinikant takes this as a personal insult.

● Google won’t find Rajinikanth because you don’t find Rajinikanth; Rajinikanth finds you.

● Rajinikanth leaves messages before the beep.

● Rajinikanth calls Voldemort by his name.

● Rajinikanth is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

● Rajinikanth doesn’t wear a watch. He decides what time it is.

● In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Rajinikanth could use to kill you, including the room itself.

● When Rajinikanth is asked to kill someone he doesn’t know, he shoots the bullet and directs it the day he finds out.

● Rajinikanth has counted to infinity, twice.

● There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. Rajinikanth lives in Chennai.

● Water boils faster when Rajinikanth stares at it.

● Rajinikanth kills two stones with one bird.

● Rajinikanth killed the Dead Sea.

● Rajinikanth gave Mona Lisa that smile.

● Rajinikanth can drown a fish.

● Rajinikanth once got into a fight with a VCR player. Now it plays DVDs.

● Rajinikanth once ordered a plate of idli in McDonald’s, and got it.

● Rajinikanth can win at Solitaire with only 18 cards.

● The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Rajinikanth kicked one of the corners off.

● Rajinikanth can build a snowman out of rain.

● Rajinikanth can watch the show 60 Minutes in 20 minutes.

● Rajinikanth will attain separate statehood in 2013.

● Rajinikanth did, in fact, build Rome in a day.

● Rajinikanth can play the violin with a piano.

● Rajinikanth kills Harry Potter in the eighth book.

● Rajinikanth gave the Joker those scars.

● Rajinikanth once warned a young girl to be good “or else”. The result? Mother Teresa.

● Rajinikanth electrocuted Iron Man.

● Rajinikanth killed Spiderman using Baygon Anti Bug Spray.

● Rajinikanth puts the ‘laughter’ in manslaughter.

● Rajinikanth goes to court and sentences the judge.

● Rajinikanth can handle the truth.

● Rajinikanth can teach an old dog new tricks.

● Rajinikanth grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.

● The last time Rajinikanth killed someone, he slapped himself to do it. The other guy just disintegrated. Resonance.

● Rajinikanth can lick his elbows.

● Rajinikanth once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.

● Rajinikanth does not get frostbite. Rajinikanth bites frost.

● Rajinikanth got his drivers licence at the age of 16 seconds.

● The statement “nobody can cheat death”, is a personal insult to Rajinikanth. He cheats and fools death everyday.

● Rajinikanth can give pain to painkillers and headache to Anacin.

● Rajinikanth knows what women really want.

● Time and tide wait for Rajinikanth.

● As a child when Rajinikanth had dyslexia, he simply re-scripted the alphabet.

● Rajinikanth doesn’t need a visa to travel abroad, he just jumps from the tallest building in Chennai and holds himself in the air while the earth rotates.

● Rajinikanth’s brain works faster than Chacha Chaudhary’s.

● Rajinikanth doesn’t shower. He only takes blood baths.

● To be or not to be? That is the question. The answer? Rajinikanth.

● The quickest way to a man’s heart is with Rajinikanth’s fist.

● Where there is a will, there is a way. Where there is Rajinikanth, there is no other way.

● Rajinikanth doesn’t bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint out of fear.

● Archaeologists unearthed an old English dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined “victim” as “one who has encountered Rajinikanth”.

● Once a cobra bit Rajinikanth’s leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.

● Rajinikanth is a champion in the game hide--seek, as no one can hide from Rajinikanth.

● Rajinikanth proves Newton wrong all the time. Every time he performs an action, he simply eliminates anything and everything that can provide the reaction.

● Rajinikanth is a weapon created by god to use on doomsday to end the world.

● Aliens do indeed exist. They just know better than to visit a planet that Rajinikanth is on.

● Rajinikanth does not style his hair. It lays perfectly in place out of sheer terror.

● When Rajinikanth plays Monopoly, it affects the world economy.

● Rajinikanth is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

● Rajinikanth’s house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.