KK loves Calcutta. For him, the city is “not a dead city at all”. In town on Saturday for a couple of shows, the Pal singer chatted with t2 on choking on stage, being a loner and trying to change a few things.

Everybody else thinks Calcutta is a dead city...

Really? No. I don’t think so. So much of culture! People have so much to talk about, be it politics, art or culture. I have a lot of Bengali friends and most of them are pretty well read. People over here like my music, all kinds of songs that I do… slow, fast, dhinchak, sad, romantic. You can have a great concert in Calcutta and sing your heart out. There is something about Nazrul Mancha. It is like the Super Bowl! Because it has that energy there.

Talking of energy, do you become a different person when you are on stage?

It happens to me all the time. I am like a Jekyll and Hyde. The moment I step on stage, I feel a different surge of energy within. It is almost surreal and I leave that other guy behind… this quiet, peaceful guy… then I feel like a lion on stage, on the prowl. I feel there are people there to listen to me, so I have to generate electricity, a storm on stage. It has to be like a whirlwind and it has to take everybody into it. When I get off, a switch happens automatically. I don’t know how I do it. In life, I am very docile, quiet, chilled out. I’d like to sit in one corner and will be fine alone by myself! (Laughs)

Is there any song that has stayed with you for the longest time after recording or while performing?

At a concert sometimes, I get very emotional singing Tadap tadap ke. You can’t fake it. It’s like an orgasm. You can’t fake it but at the same time you need to have to enjoy it, right? So, if I am singing a song on stage, I need to feel the emotions that are being generated. I have to still keep tabs on… my eyes welling up.

Have you ever cried on stage?

I have choked with Tadap tadap ke, but I just thought about something else and I was out of it.

And while recording?

Jo khwabon khayalon mein (Haan tu hain) from Jannat. That song reminds me of my wife. She has been there with me always. Main jab bhi jahan bhi kadi dhoop mein tha/teri zulf ne mujh pe saya kiya… whenever I sing that… I don’t do the song live because I don’t think I can go through those lines. It just shakes me up from within. I haven’t sung it live. My wife knows about it. She laughs. She says, ‘You are a sentimental fool!’ (Laughs) I am! I am a romantic at heart. I cannot be singing songs like Ajab si or Labon ko labon pe without being… I was being romantic when I started with Labon ko labon pe. Then Pritam (music director) said he wanted it sensuous. You have to convince yourself.

What did you tell yourself?

That I am wearing this sexy T-shirt! (Laughs) And you have babes around you! You can imagine whatever. I am the star… you have to imagine something. Nahin toh it falls flat. I did a bit of role-play in my mind for Labon ko… I thought I was this very hot guy, a stud! Each song has an emotional subtext and unless you get it right, it’s not going to work.

Do you like all your songs?

No! I am not going to say which ones because then I’ll get beaten up! Well, a personal choice is something. I have never been able to say which song is going to be a hit. Thank god for that. Then you are going to be carrying extra baggage. I don’t think. I walk out of the studio and I forget. I leave it there. It’s an uncanny habit which is good. Those two-three hours, I’ll give you what I have, after that I am out. If somebody else dubs it five days down the line, it is absolutely fine with me. I don’t take it to heart. I am very cold about certain things, within myself. Cold in the sense that I can detach myself very fast. I don’t let anything hurt me. I believe what I am doing is god’s will. I have not learnt music. I came from Delhi to Mumbai. I did not have any godfather and I am here. For the last 18 years, I have been singing and I have got some of the best songs in the industry.

You look content…

(Laughs) I like to keep stress out of my door. There is no need to be insecure. I am not running a race here. For me it is a walk in the park, the way I look at it. I like to live life now and move on rather than think ‘What should I do to get there?’ What you are doing will get you somewhere anyway, no? I cannot chase someone else’s dream. This is my dream. I love the way I have been, a little laid-back, a little low profile. But yes, there are certain things that I am exploring in my head to change.

Like what?

My own perceptions of certain things that I have been closed about. All artistes have their own idiosyncrasies. To start with, being such a low-profile guy. My friends keep telling me, ‘You are hardly seen’. I used to believe that I am a singer and you will just have to hear my songs. Times are changing. I am not talking about insecurities. I am a loner. The only place where I can handle crowd is the stage.

So, you don’t go to parties…

I don’t. I don’t drink and smoke… I feel I am a little bit of a misfit in this current space. But that’s okay because I like doing what I am doing, yet I am trying to walk a different path. Sometimes you don’t believe in something, but you believe in someone else believing in you….

Then why do it?

Well, I did not believe I could be a singer in Mumbai. My wife did. So, I went with her belief. Forget about belief, I didn’t want to. I just wanted to do an album. At this point, I want to do my own music again.... I have never been a prolific guy. I cannot record too often. I cannot take it like a job. I am moody, a true-blooded artiste that way. Sometimes I hate myself for that. If I have sung a good song, it is like a high.

Are your kids (Nakul who will turn 20 and Taamara who will turn 15) into music?

Nakul is an avid guitar playe and my daughter likes to sing. He wants to produce music. I have a home studio set-up. I am giving them what I can, but everybody has to find their place.

KK on t2’s KK favourites:

Pal: TimelessTadap tadap: EmotionalYaaron: BondingKhuda jaane: Gay abandonAlvida: Raw energyO meri jaan (Life in a… Metro): EndearingBeetein lamhe: NostalgiaAnkhon mein teri: RomanceTu aashiqui hai: A prayer. It’s not about any woman. It’s about god and me.

KK would add...

Abhi abhiAawarapan: I was depressed after that a bit. I felt those lines… kaha kisi ke/liye hai mumkin/sabke liye/ek sa honaSar jhuka khuda hoon mainO mama