Mithun Chakraborty’s Don Muthuswami, which hit screens two Fridays ago, had to be pulled out of most city cinemas within a day of its release. Not because of any fundamentalist fatwa or any effigy-burning protests but simply because no one turned up to watch it! And by doing that, the people gave the film One Tight Slap. But the Mahaguru can take heart from the fact that it’s not just his cheek that is stinging (so is his son Mimoh’s!).

t2 draws up a list of 13 other flop films that didn’t last more than a week at the Calcutta cinemas in recent times...

 

 

BHRAM

Starring: Dino Morea, Milind Soman, Sheetal Menon

Why no one came to watch: Bhram came and went even before one could take a good look at the posters. Which is just as well because this Pavan Kaul film had absolutely nothing to offer. A thriller minus thrills and a plot that inspired more yawns per minute than the annual budget presentation, Bhram was a tortuous tale told by idiots. Bhram’s biggest star happened to be Dino Morea and that was hardly reason enough for the audience to queue up. For the few who mustered up the courage to buy a ticket, the Bhram was broken in double quick time.

 

JIMMY

Starring: Mimoh Chakraborty

Why no one came to watch: Jimmy Jimmy Jimmy, jaajaa jaajaa jaajaa. Mimoh’s debut vehicle inspired a disgruntled audience (the handful who made the mistake of watching it) to rephrase baap Mithun’s super-hit Disco Dancer number for beta Mimoh. And with good reason. A musty storyline that went out of fashion in the 80s, a host of poor performances and appalling production values sounded the death knell for the Raj Sippy film. Twinkle toes Mimoh was overshadowed by non-actor Mimoh, with the star son drawing guffaws and groans for all the wrong reasons. Even a star-studded premiere hosted by Mithunda couldn’t save Jimmy from committing box-office harakiri.

 

BUDDHA MAR GAYA

Starring: Om Puri, Anupam Kher, Rakhi Sawant

Why no one came to watch: A rich industrialist, Anupam Kher, dies atop a starlet, Rakhi Sawant. The family does all it can to keep his death under wraps till the company’s IPO hits the market. Crude and crass, Buddha Mar Gaya was one of the worst films that Bollywood has ejaculated in a long long time. (Take a look at this picture if you have any doubts.) The only saving grace: not too many people were foolhardy enough to brave this film starring Rakhi’s heaving bosom and Om Puri’s sari.

 

IT’S BREAKING NEWS

Starring: Koel Purie

Why no one came to watch: The title was catchy enough, but that was all there was to report. A look at the murky world of news headlines and sting operations, It’s Breaking News prompted viewers to switch channels, or rather halls. Koel Purie, the only recognisable face in the cast, tried hard to make things newsworthy but no one tuned in. With viewers seeking entertainment, not news, this bulletin ended soon after it began.

 

NEHLE PE DEHLA

Starring: Sanjay Dutt, Saif Ali Khan, Bipasha Basu

Why no one came to watch: Those who took the pain of sitting through this howler now know that a star cast does not a film make. Nehle Pe Dehla tried hard to repeat the David Dhawan brand of comedy, but fell flat on its face. Glaring continuity errors, insipid performances and lack of publicity — Saif didn’t want the film to release (he apparently thought NPD should be declared Not for Public Display) — made sure the film vanished within a week.

 

ANAMIKA

Starring: Dino Morea, Minissha Lamba, Koena Mitra

Why no one came to watch: Dino Morea doesn’t like lingering in the movie hall for more than a week. Less than a month after Bhram’s no-show, Ananth Mahadevan’s Anamika was booed out of city screens. Based on Daphne Du Maurier’s novel Rebecca that had been adapted masterfully on screen by Alfred Hitchcock in 1940, Anamika was a bad dream from the first frame to the last. It was a lesson in how a copy-paste job can go horribly wrong in the wrong hands. The listless performances from Dino, Minissha Lamba and Koena Mitra rendered Anamika unwatchable. Anu Malik’s music rendered it un‘hearable’.

 

MR PRIME MINISTER

Starring: Dev Anand, Dev Anand, Dev Anand...

Why no one came to watch: London-based tycoon Dev Anand comes to India and is hit by the Gujarat earthquake. He loses his memory and becomes Johnny Master, a newspaper vendor. But he eventually takes over as India’s Prime Minister. Still wondering why a certain city plex had only one member in the audience for a show of
Mr Prime Minister?

CHHODON NAA YAAR

Starring: Jimmy Sheirgill, Kim Sharma

Why no one came to watch: We still haven’t recovered from this one. The makers couldn’t decide whether they wanted to make a film on male bonding or bank on the horror formula. Chhodon Naa Yaar ended up being neither here nor there. An emaciated Jimmy Sheirgill, an irritating Kim Sharma and too many wannabe actors added to our woes. The sole saving grace was Daler Mehndi’s Talwar re, but that came and went in the first two minutes of the two-hour-long ordeal. A couple of cancelled shows later the plexes said Chhodon na yaar and dumped the film.

 

GO

Starring: Kay Kay Menon, Nisha Kothari

Why no one came to watch: This came and went faster than you could say ‘Go’! Yet another Ram Gopal Varma factory dud, this road film was anything but fun on the run. Despite the RGV-style thrills and spills, song-and-dance, Go had nothing going for it. Nisha Kothari forgot her clothes, the makers forgot something they call the script and newcomer Gautam forgot that he doesn’t look or move like Hrithik Roshan. Kay Kay still doesn’t know why he had signed this film on the go.

 

AGGAR

Starring: Tusshar Kapoor, Shreyas Talpade, Udita Goswami

Why no one came to watch: Yet another Ananth Mahadevan film that failed to see an eighth day on city screens. Tusshar Kapoor as a suave stud who winds up in an asylum and Shreyas Talpade as a villainous murderer was something that the audience was just not willing to digest. The thriller did have its bits and pieces of suspense and mystery, but not enough to lure the viewer. Even a lot of Udita Goswami and an extra ‘g’ in the title could not save the day for Aggar.

 

KAISEY KAHEIN

Starring: No one you know

Why no one came to watch: If you haven’t even heard of the film, take heart. Almost no one else has, either. But unlike most of the other names on this list, Kaisey Kahein wasn’t really a bad film. It was just boring. There was little in this teenybopper romance — from the script to the debutant lead pair to the music — that could inspire anyone to buy a ticket. For the more adventurous ones, it was three hours well spent - sleeping through it all! Even the Thackeray name — Smita Thackeray backed this one — couldn’t save Kaisey Kahein from coming and going within a week.

 

SHOWBIZ

Starring : No one you know

Why no one came to watch: No business like show business? Well, it was no biz for this Showbiz. Claiming to expose the ‘dark side of fame’, Showbiz was greeted by empty seats in dark single-screen halls. Corny dialogues, a nothing plot and a nondescript cast (have you even heard of Tushar Jalota?) meant that no one turned up for this show. The only ones who still remember the film are the ushers and the critics who are yet to recover from the Showbiz shock.

 

KAAFILA

Starring: Sunny Deol

Why no one came to watch: This one is a favourite for the Bollywood Razzies, if ever there is one. Debutant director Ammtoje Mann cast himself in the lead in this film dealing with migration, but the audience decided to migrate far away from the halls screening it. A little bit of Titanic, a touch of 80s Bollywood at its worst, a screaming Sunny Deol and a whole lot of other things that you probably haven’t seen on screen before made up Kaafila. And to think that it released the same day as Chak De! India.