THE KICKOFF
For many, this was the episode of the season and it began on an expectedly hatke note. Even as host Karan Johar debated on how to introduce Ranbir Kapoor and Ranveer Singh — “Koffee coup” to “they are separated by an alphabet and perhaps a leading lady” — Ranveer and Ranbir were busy raiding KJo’s closet in the green room, eventually walking in with a pair of Karan’s golden shoes! Reason? “If you say anything out of line, we are going to launch these at you!”
The two boys also indulged in some snide KJo-centred green room gossip. Our picks? Ranveer: “This season (of KWK), he’s depending solely on the talent… like in Ae Dil Hai Mushkil!” Ranbir: “He’s charging (Rs) 1 crore per episode… and what do we get? A hamper worth Rs 5,000!”
When KJo asked the boys what he needs to do to make them “respect” him, Ranveer told him to carry himself like Ranbir “with grace, dignity and poise”. “And what are you?” Karan asked Ranveer. Ranbir’s quick-as-a-whip reply: “Noise!”
DEEPVEER: BABY TALK!
Karan started off saying that they “should get the elephant out of the room rightaway” (read: talk about Deepika Padukone — Ranbir’s ex and Ranveer’s current), to which Ranveer screamed: “Are you calling her an elephant?!”
But Ranbir stole Ranveer’s thunder when he brought the Ranveer-Deepika affair out in the open: “They really complement each other well in ways perfect to each other’s energies. I am really happy for them and I hope they can see this through and make some awesome babies together!”
Ranveer, for once, was rendered almost speechless, only managing to blurt out: “Today, of all days, Ranbir has managed to say something out of line!”
A few questions later, when asked about his relationship status, Ranveer shot back at KJo: “What are you… Facebook?! Even on Facebook, it’s not compulsory to answer that question.” But he did say that when it comes to a relationship, he’s an “extremist”. “Either I’m not in it at all… or I am in it to win it.” Plus, “I want nothing more than to finish a fulfilling day at work and go back to my woman,” said Ranveer.
“Is that the same for you?” KJo cheekily asked Ranbir to which Ranveer replied (for Ranbir): “I want nothing more than to finish a fulfilling day at work and go back to my women!”
SANGAM 2016
KJo wants to remake Sangam (1964, Raj Kapoor-Rajendra Kumar-Vyjayanthimala) with Ranbir, Ranveer… and Deepika! Ranveer’s quip: “Where will you base it… New York, London? It’s a Karan Johar film, after all!”
KONFESSIONS
♦ Ranbir said that in the last one year, he’s been mistaken by fans for Ranveer. The average? “60 per cent of the time!”
♦ Ranbir admitted that he’s been single for close to a year and it’s no fun. “It’s boring, lonely and sad”…. Is Katrina Kaif LOL-ing somewhere?
♦ Ranbir said he’s had his phone checked several times when in a relationship.
♦ When quizzed about sex and love, Ranveer admitted: “Sex is much better when there is love involved.” Ranbir’s PoV: “Casual sex is worse than masturbation!”
♦ When RK said that porn is “bad”, RS shot back: “Bro, it’s sustaining you right now… don’t diss it!”
KISS ’n’ TELL
Arjun Kapoor plonked himself on the couch between the two boys. The game? KJo would ask some “blasphemous” questions and RK-RS would have to kiss AK on the cheek whenever the answer was a ‘yes’.
Ranbir’s AYES
Slept with my friend’s girlfriend
(This prompted Arjun to say: ‘Koi meri waali toh nahin thi?!’
Drunk-dialled an ex? (Ranbir planted a series of kisses for this one)
Ranveer’s AYES
Had a threesome
Checked my girlfriend’s phone
Did it in the gym
YES & YES!
Made out on set
Been a part of the mile-high club
Gone commando
Fantasised about my mother’s friend
Hooked up with an older woman
Arjun adjudged Ranbir as the better kisser. Reason? “He doesn’t have a beard, so... softer!”
The line of the day that won Ranveer the ‘Koffee’ hamper? “I’m just like saving them the post-production cost, otherwise they will have to do VFX on my red chili,” prompting Ranbir to go ROFL and keep banging on the couch with: “Genius line!” (Reference to the context: Shah Rukh Khan referring to Ranveer’s red undies in Befikre and saying: “Either it’s padded... or I am a fan!”)
KJo: Hottest actress in Bolly?
RK: Aishwarya Rai Bachchan.
KJo: The first thing you notice about a woman?
RK: Her eyes… and then her backside!
KJo: Kill, marry, hook up — Anushka, Alia, Jacqueline?
RK: I would love to marry Anushka, but she’s very happy right now in her life (read: with Virat Kohli). I would hook up with the other two — I don’t want to marry anyone!
You can catch the repeat telecast of Koffee With Karan Season 5 on Star World and Star World HD, weekdays at 1pm and Monday through Saturday at 7pm
