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Learn to surrender to the dance of uncertainty

Irrfan Khan's family statement, written by wife Sutapa, touches on the man and what he meant to the world
Sutapa and Irrfan

Our Bureau And Agencies   |     |   Published 01.05.20, 01:29 PM

Living up to the positive spirit of Irrfan Khan, his family on Friday said the actor never liked the idea of "one dimensional reality" and that gives them hope to take his death not as a loss but a gain "of the things he taught us" and try to see rhythm in everything.

Irrfan, one of India's finest and most versatile actors, was battling a rare form of cancer and died in a hospital here on Wednesday at the age of 54, leaving cinema lovers across the globe heartbroken.

The best way to celebrate Irrfan's life, his wife Sutapa Sikdar, said would be to implement those teachings and evolve and that's what she and their two sons -- Babil and Ayaan -- plan to do.

Here is their official statement:

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“How can I write this as a family statement when the whole world is taking it as a personal loss? How can I begin to feel alone when millions are grieving with us at the moment? I want to assure everyone that this is not a loss, it is a gain. It’s a gain of the things he taught us, and now we shall finally begin to truly implement it and evolve. Yet I want to try to fill in the things that people don’t already know.

It’s unbelievable for us but I would put it in Irrfan’s words, “it’s magical”, whether he is there or not there, and that’s what he loved, he never loved one dimensional reality. The only thing I have as a grudge against him is; he has spoiled me for life. His strive for perfection doesn’t let me settle for ordinary in anything. There was a rhythm which he always saw in everything, even in cacophony and chaos, so I have learnt to sing and dance to the music of that rhythm, even with my tone-deaf voice and two left feet. Funnily, our life was a masterclass in acting, so when the dramatic entry of the “uninvited guests” happened, I had by then learnt, to see a harmony in the cacophony.

There was a rhythm which he always saw in everything, even in cacophony and chaos, so I have learnt to sing and dance to the music of that rhythm, even with my tone-deaf voice and two left feet.
- — Sutapa Sikdar

The doctor’s reports were like scripts which I wanted to perfect, so I never miss any detail that he sought for in his performance. We met some amazing people in this journey and the list is endless, but there are some whom I have to mention, our oncologist Dr. Nitesh Rohtogi (Max hospital Saket) who held our hand in the beginning, Dr. Dan Krell (UK), Dr. Shidravi (UK), my heartbeat and my lantern in the dark Dr. Sevanti Limaye (Kokilaben hospital).

It’s difficult to explain what a wondrous, beautiful, overwhelming, painful and exciting this journey has been. I find this 2 and ½ years to have been an interlude, which had its own beginning, middle and culmination with Irrfan helming the role of the orchestra conductor, separate from the 35 years of our companionship, ours was not a marriage, it was a union. I see my little family, in a boat, with both my sons Babil and Ayaan, paddling it forward, with Irrfan guiding them ”Wahan nahi, yaha se modo”, but since life is not cinema and there are no retakes, I sincerely wish my children sail this boat safely with their father’s guidance in mind, and rockabye through the storm.

I see my little family, in a boat, with both my sons Babil and Ayaan, paddling it forward, with Irrfan guiding them ”Wahan nahi, yaha se modo”, but since life is not cinema and there are no retakes, I sincerely wish my children sail this boat safely with their father’s guidance in mind, and rockabye through the storm.
- — Sutapa Sikdar

I asked my children, if possible, they could sum up a lesson taught by their father that has been important to them;

Babil: "Learn to surrender to the dance of uncertainty and trust your faith in the universe"

Ayaan: "Learn to control your mind and to not let it control you.”

Tears will flow as we will plant a raat ki rani tree, his favourite, to the place where you have put him to rest after a victorious journey. It takes time, but it will bloom and the fragrance will spread an touch all the souls, whom, I won’t call them fans but family for years to come.”



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