t2: You were looking so sweet in your white silk shirt with golden embroidery, your white dhoti worn like a lungi, the white socks and keds to go with it and the tika on your forehead...

Don: Khushamdidad...

t2: Sorry?

Don: Urdu re... I’m learning from my future son-in-law re.

t2: Yes, yes like Anil Kapoor’s English lessons in Tashan? But your daughter Hrishita Bhatt is no Kareena Kapoor. Why is she wearing swimsuits at Size 18?

Don: Aiyo murga! Kyun hamara ijjat ka popat karti?!

t2: No Don, I was just saying that your wife is much better. No, not the one who comes in the last scene as a maid but claims to be the mother of your other daughter. The one who keeps shouting “Swami! Swami!” throughout the film.

Don: Hamare family mein naak ghusaenge toh main turn karaunga...

t2: That’s what I was coming to... Why do you have this fetish for bottoms? Whenever you see someone, why must you start shouting “turn, turn” and then kick them on their backsides?

Don: Aye Nula....

t2: So now you are calling your hitman-turned-butler Shakti Kapoor! He’s after your former maid, who is marrying the rival don’s son, the guy you wanted your girl to marry. And that ex-maid took away your bag full of jewels, leaving her bag full of undies for you.

Don: Aiyo amma!

t2: There’s more, Muthu! Your first daughter, the one you always knew you had and the one who claims to have been impregnated by your former driver who’s off to Pakistan, has run away with your Hindi/Urdu teacher. So we had to leave your house for the three-minute tuneless Anu Malik song.

Don: Mera khopdi ghumega toh kya hoga maloom?

t2: I know Don. You were expecting to see others coming out of the hall. But sadly I was the only one watching, apart from a couple doing their own thing.

Don: Aiyo aiyo aiyo!

t2: But Don, nothing can beat you in that dhoti... I hope there’s a Don Muthu Swami 2 like SRK’s Don 2 and you can raise the dhoti like you raised your lungi in Agneepath!