Browsing a brand-name designer kitchen store in Delhi, I begin to feel slightly out of place. To the right, two men are discussing the merits of cooking ranges. The guy on the left is choosing spice boxes with a stern eye for detail.

In the aisle behind, the man in a goatee is arguing with a pretty young woman: ?Sabatier?s overrated.? She looks bored. ?The Japanese knives, the new range? That?s the stuff Anthony Bourdain goes for.? She looks even more bored. ?Or do you think the French set??? ?Can we go have a mochachino?? she says.

A few weeks ago, I shifted house. My women friends dropped by, offered tips on how to do up the verandah, checked out the bathrooms, tut-tutted over the oddly shaped proportions of the study. My male friends?

?This kitchen is a COCKPIT! But? I know small kitchens. Put up a rail here. Hooks. And get some of those trolley shelves. You need a proper butcher?s block.? In five minutes, he?s solved my kitchen design issues.

Until the other pal drops in. ?No, no, no. This won?t do. You like cooking; you can?t take this house, you?ll have to find another place.? But I like this house. ?But you need a kitchen? okay, what you do is, set up a breakfast bar in the drawing room, yes? And the dining table ? wunderbar, you have a small one. That?ll do. Set up the big one in the verandah. Give it the colonial vibe. Where?s the stove? No. It has to go here. The spice racks should be to your left.?

In Mumbai a few days later, the women want to talk to me about books and technogeek stuff and SUVs. The men line up to tell me what they thought of a food anthology I put together recently. I listen. ?Loved it! Gave five copies to my pals.? ?Hated it. You should?ve put in him and her and her and him.? ?You got anything on ingredients? I?m really into spices.? ?I used to work as a chef on board a ship?? ?I used to cook for my friends and then I started my own restaurant?? ?I was a chef in France once??

I have to ask. What happened to the woman in kitchen, man in study routine? ?Kitchens, darling,? says the man in the funky kurta, ?are sexy. What do you have in kitchens? Knives. Gleaming chrome gadgets. Flames. Charcoal barbecues. And if you cook, people love you. Boy toys and adoration, darling. What?s not to like??

The guy in the green shirt and blue hair says, ?Oh, that?s so? old-fashioned. He?s got it wrong. Cooking?s actually about bonding, about creating a space where men and women too can hang out casually. Food?s about sensuality and taking care of someone. How often do we guys get to be mommy? You have permission to fuss when you?re cooking. We love it.?

I call up another friend to see which side he?s on. ?I don?t know,? he says. ?None of this theory crap makes sense to me, who cares, yaar? Anyway. What?re you doing tomorrow evening?? Nothing, I say. ?Great. The wife?s back, so come over. I?m cooking. My special dal and of course the meat you liked so much last time.? Men in the kitchen, where they belong. I could get used to this.