The teacher entered the classroom to find the students making a racket.

Teacher: Class! What is all this noise about?

Tarun: Sir, I’ve found a Rs 100 note and have decided to give it to the person who can tell the biggest lie. So all the students are trying to lie and impress me.

Teacher: Shame on you people. Competing to lie at such a young age! When I was your age I didn’t even know what a lie was.

Tarun: Class, we have a winner! Sir, please accept this Rs 100 note.

A man had been standing in queue to pay his bill for several hours, tired, sweaty and hungry. Suddenly he jumps out of the line.

Lady in queue: What happened, are you leaving? You’ve stood for so long, you might as well stand a while longer and get the bill cleared.

Man: I can’t take it any more! They should open another counter. I’m going to complain to the manager.

The man stomps off but returns in 10 minutes and joins the back of the line, without saying another word.

Lady: Did you complain?

Man: No. The queue to make complains was even longer.

A Scotsman moved to India for work and was talking to a colleague a few weeks later.

Colleague: Are you liking India?

Scotsman: Oh, I love it but my neighbours are a little strange.

Colleague: Why so?

Scotsman: Well, one of them spends the whole night banging his head on the wall and another runs from one end of the room to another screaming and tearing his hair.

Colleague: What? That’s odd. It must be very disturbing for you?

Scotsman: Not at all. I ignore them and continue playing my bagpipe.

Mrs Basu saw Mrs Das wearing a new locket.

Mrs Basu: Wow, beautiful locket! Is there a memento inside it?

Mrs Das: Yes. It’s a lock of my husband’s hair that I wear in loving memory.

Mrs Basu: But your husband is very much around.

Mrs Das: Yes, but his hair is gone.

A little girl would drive her parents mad by asking questions. “Why is the sky blue, why does it rain, why does Monday come after Sunday…?” Her parents had had enough.

Father: Listen Sara, I’m tired of answering your questions. You have to give it a rest once in a while.

Sara: Why?

Father: Uff! Listen have you heard of the proverb: “Curiosity killed the cat”? There was once a cat who was too inquisitive. One day he saw a hole, went to look into it, fell and died. So you see, sometimes you have to stop being so curious. Got it?

Sara: What was in the hole?

A woman went shopping one day and took her husband along. Soon she was engrossed in the bags and shoes and didn’t realise that her husband was missing. She dialed his number on the phone and asked where he was.

Husband: “Sweetheart, do you remember we had come to this same neighbourhood once when we were newly married? You had loved a diamond necklace displayed in a jewellery store but I didn’t have money to buy it for you then. That day I made a vow that I would work night and day and one day buy that necklace for you. Do you remember?

Wife (choked with emotion): Oh my god, yes! I think about that incident every night.

Husband: Well, I’m in the bar right next to that jewellery store. Come over when you’re through with your shopping.

A miser called a newspaper office and asked: Mera chacha mar gaya hai, obituary ke kya charges honge?

Newspaper: Rs 50 per word.

Miser: Bahut zyaada! Achchha likho: “Chacha Guzar Gaye”.

Newspaper: Sir, it should be minimum six words.

Miser: Zara sochne do... Achchha likho: “Chacha Guzar Gaye — Maruti for Sale.”