Profumo with his wife, Valerie Hobson

The death of John Profumo, minister of war in Macmillan?s cabinet on Friday, March 10, at the age of 91 brought back memories of his affair in the Sixties with the call girl, Christine Keeler. It compelled Profumo to resign, brought down the government and caused the defeat of the Conservative Party in the elections that followed. Actually, there was another call girl, Mandy Rice-Davies, an osteopath, Stephen Ward, who acted as their pimp, and the Soviet naval attach? and spy, Yegenev Ivanov, posted in the Soviet embassy in London, who was also one of Christine?s clients.

Christine was often invited to spend weekends at Lord Astor?s country home where ministers were allowed to entertain foreign dignitaries and their friends. I recall seeing a picture of President Ayub Khan of Pakistan in the bathing pool carrying a bikini-clad Christine Keeler on his shoulders. A limerick which became popular at the time ran as follows:

What have you done Christine?

You?ve wrecked the Party machine;

To lie in the nude was not at all rude,

But to lie in the House was obscene.

Stephen Ward committed suicide a few days after the disclosures, Mandy Rice-Davies married a Jew and migrated to Israel.

The trouble with twins

I have a vague idea why identical twins look alike but am baffled by the fact that their voices and body-language are also identical. To add to one?s problems, parents of such twins dress them in exactly the same kind of clothes and even they often mistake one for the other. I faced this problem with the two elder daughters ? Charin and Kamal ? of my uncle, Ujjal Singh. I have known them since they were born in Lahore and continued seeing them off and on till they married, became mothers and grandmothers. They are now in their Seventies and still look exactly alike. I do not risk using their names lest I go wrong.

I faced the same problem a few days ago. My young friend, Harinder Singh (owner of Uni Style Impex garments) and his wife, Kiran, rang up to say they would like to bring over their friends from England. Harinder mumbled an introduction which I did not catch. They turned out to be twin sisters. Both very fair and attractive, both wearing light green-coloured salwar, kameez and dupattas, both speaking English in a Liverpudlien accent.

I kept looking at the two girls and wondered how men courting them did not get mixed up and settled for the wrong sister because their temperaments are also known to be similar. However, when I asked one of them what had brought them to India and how long they would stay, one replied: ?Our exhibition ends in two days; we will leave for London the same night.? The penny dropped. I asked: ?Are both of you painters? Have you been in all the papers?? Both smiled happily. I asked: ?Have you been able to sell any of your works?? Harinder butted in. ?All sold!? he said. He brandished a wad of American currency notes and add: ?I wanted to buy one but they were all gone.? I added, ?I would like to buy one too.? My daughter walked in; she had seen their exhibition: ?I wanted to buy one but Arpana told me they were beyond my wallet.?

I had to make do with two brochures the girls gave me. They give a pretty good idea of their style of painting and why they have done so well. They are in Mughal miniature style with ornate borders and life-like characters. The themes are entirely Indian, largely Sikh: weddings, dholak geets, bridegrooms arriving on horseback with scenes of London as backdrops, their own family at home etc. The most powerful is one of ?Operation Blue Star?, which depicts stories of Harimandir?s desecrators and its defenders with blood flowing into the sacred pool. It is a museum piece. The Singh twins will be back in India next month.

Bush-Mush dialogue

?Will you put your arm around my shoulder too

As you did in Manmohan Singh?s case in Delhi??

?Yes, I have done it and I will do if you too

Get elected in an election free,

And tell me honestly, have you seen a Sardarji

So likeable and lovely??

?Will you give us also a nuclear deal

And give us a cause to cheer??

?Yes, if you could change your

history, and retrospectively be A.Q. Khan-free.?

?I am your faithful ally on terror,

My reward for that??

?Don?t I on your back day and night pat?

Now do some honest work too and

put on a democratic hat.?

?At least on Kashmir, you can our case defend??

?In that case, India is your best friend,

I will, of course, to both of you

My F-16s lend.?

?And now, since each knows the

other?s position so well and understands

Let us most warmly shake hands.?

(Courtesy: Kukdip Salil, Delhi)

Nursery rhyme retold

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty suffered a minor fall,
He sought compensation for his loss of employment
And claimed it affected his sexual enjoyment.

(Courtesy: Private Eye, London)