Guest Column Sruti Mohapatra

The World Disability Day went past on Friday. But awareness about approach towards the disabled is yet to develop. I understand that people are naturally curious (and ignorant), but since when has it become polite to walk up to a complete stranger and ask questions that range from “What has happened?”, “How did you get injured?” to “If you can’t stand up, how do you go to the bathroom?” What is even more ridiculous is the questions that people ask is always directed to my caregiver, my mother or whoever is with me because they don’t want to ask me directly. They have been asked things like “When will she be able to walk again?” or “Can she go to the toilet on her own?”

The social part of my brain tells me that this is the harmless Indian way of “poking your nose in everything that is not your business” and then the rational mind says “may be people want to know how people are become disabled so that they can avoid these dangers for themselves.” But more often than not, the questions rarely revolve around how the injury happened. I am willing to answer the questions that people ask. And then there are the “all cure doctors.”

They will start with “May I ask you a personal question” and even if you do not respond they will start with a series of observations, continue with diagnosis and end it with solutions! I just wonder if there is ever going to be a day when people will understand and just go about their business and not meddle. As Indians, we sometimes allow our curiosity to get the best of us, but I ask you to please take a moment to think not only about what you are asking but why you are asking the question. People with disabilities are as public and private as people without disabilities and it is time to increase our awareness before opening our mouths.

The term “etiquette” refers to a set of rules — written and unwritten — governing what constitutes socially acceptable behaviour under a variety of circumstances. Typically, these rules, based upon social norms, are not codified in criminal or civil law; but rather are enforced on an individual level by fear of community disapproval. Disability etiquette, in contrast to simple “etiquette”, are guidelines dealing specifically with how to approach people with disabilities; and are meant to challenge social conventions rather than to reinforce them.

The number of Indians with a disability is significant and growing. Today, more than 70 million people in this country have a disability and this number will continue to increase with healthcare facilities improving. As people with wheelchairs or canes, people who are deaf or hard of hearing, and anyone with mobility or communication challenges gain access to public places, we have to learn how best to live and work with them. Sometimes, just saying the right thing or making a small gesture that acknowledges their independence and value will go a long way toward reducing discrimination and improving daily life for all of us.

Ask before you help

Just because someone has a disability, don't assume she needs help. If the setting is accessible, people with disabilities can usually get around fine. Adults with disabilities want to be treated as independent people. Offer assistance only if the person appears to need it. A person with a disability will often communicate when she needs help.

Be sensitive about physical contact

Some people with disabilities depend on their arms for balance. Grabbing them, even if your intention is to assist, could knock them off balance. Avoid patting a person on the head or touching his wheelchair, scooter or cane. People with disabilities consider their equipment part of their personal space.

Think before you speak

Always speak directly to the person with a disability, not to his companion, aide or sign language interpreter. Making small talk with a person who has a disability is great; just talk to him as you would with anyone else. Respect his privacy. If you ask about his disability, he may feel like you are treating him as a disabled, not as a normal human being. However, many people with disabilities are comfortable with questions about their disability after getting to know someone.

Don’t make assumptions

People with disabilities are the best judge of what they can or cannot do. Don’t make decisions for them about participating in any activity. Depending on the situation, it could be a violation of the PWD Act to exclude people because of a presumption about their limitations.

Terminology

Put the person first. Say “a person with disability” rather than “a disabled person” Say “people with disabilities” rather than “the disabled” For specific disabilities, saying “person with autism” or “person who has cerebral palsy” is usually a safe bet. Still, individuals do have their own preferences. If you are not sure what words to use, ask. Avoid outdated terms such as “handicapped”, “crippled”, or “retarded”. Be aware that many people with disabilities dislike jargony, euphemistic terms like “physically challenged” and “differently abled”. Say “person who uses a wheelchair” rather than “confined to a wheelchair” or “wheelchair bound.” With any disability, avoid negative, disempowering words, like “victim” or “sufferer.” Say “person with AIDS” instead of “AIDS victim” or “person who suffers from AIDS.” It's okay to use idiomatic expressions when talking to people with disabilities. For example, saying, “It was good to see you,” and “See you later,” to a person who is blind is completely acceptable. Many people, who are deaf, communicate with sign language and consider them to be members of a cultural and linguistic minority group. They refer to themselves as Deaf with a capital “D,” and may be offended by the term “hearing impaired.” Others may not object to the term, but in general it is safest to refer to people who have hearing loss but who communicate in spoken language as “hard of hearing” and to people with profound hearing losses as deaf. In summary, no matter what disability someone has, you need to be polite and sensitive to that person and use an appropriate term.