Neeraj has the body for a speedo.

There is only a tiny minority of superbly toned bodies that can carry off super short and super sexy speedos, the kind that look more like bikini-cut male briefs, also known (quite evocatively) as the banana hammock. And though you can count yourself lucky if you belong to this elite set, we suggest you tread this hazardous path with care. It is too easy to get it wrong. And whatever you do, don’t strut around like a stud. Wear it with casual ease.

The majority of men who haven’t seen the inside of a gym for a while now should stay a mile away from the itsy-bitsy male equivalent of the bikini. Is there really any point of showing so much of yourself to the world?

Boxers are also a strict no-no when it comes to swimwear for men. These are innerwear, not outerwear and should be treated as such.

Don’t turn up at the beach in baggy, drooping bermudas or shorts that you usually wear to bed. Board-shorts, jammers, swimming trunks — there are so many other options, guys.

A pink tie or a floral shirt may be the metrosexual man’s fashion mantra at the moment, but keep the girlie stuff away from the pool.

The kiddie stuff should also ideally be given a miss. So no Bart Simpson on your swimwear. And do steer clear of Superman shorts like the ones Saif sported in Salaam Namaste. Contrary to what most men may think, women don’t really find them cute.