Reel mirrors real. In Kabhi Alvida Naa Kehna, Abhishek Bachchan marries a second time, when wife Rani Mukerji falls in love with Shah Rukh Khan. Preity Zinta, Shah Rukh’s wife, too shows promise of a future alliance with friend Arjun Rampal

The website has recently been started for those keen to marry again. “The number of people looking for online matrimonial alliances is increasing at the rate of 30 to 50 per cent per year in India. A big chunk of these are divorcees looking for remarriage. Launched in June 2007, secondshaadi.com already has 30,000 members,” says Vivek Pahwa, CEO, secondshaadi.com.

The number of divorces is on the rise — and all matrimonial sites have a substantial number of divorcees seeking remarriage. “About 11 per cent of our members are divorcees. The percentage of divorcees from Calcutta is about 12,” reveals Vibhas Mehta, business head, shaadi.com. One of the most popular Indian matrimonial websites, shaadi.com has a membership count of 10.3 million over 10 years.

Marriage bureaus agree that second marriage is a growing trend. “About 30 per cent of our clients are divorcees wanting to marry again and the number has gone up by at least 50 per cent in the past two years,” says Soumendu Sen of Astha, a marriage bureau in the city.

Thirty’s trial

There is, and always was, on the part of most advertising for a second marriage, an insistence on a “brief” first marriage. “They all insist that they have been married for a very brief time. Some even say that they got separated within a fortnight of marriage,” says Sen.

The newspaper ads do that too. Profiles abound with words like, “divorced within six months of marriage” and “divorced after a brief marriage”. Sometimes ads seeking a second marriage sound almost as matter-of-fact as ads for second-hand, but “almost new” vehicles.

But now, often the first marriages are indeed brief. Many divorcees are in their thirties. “The average age of clients on our website is 35 years,” says Pahwa of secondshaadi.com. It’s an indication that the applicant couldn’t have been married for long. Sen of Astha says that the age is a little lower in case of divorced women — about 30.

It is also undeniable that it is less of a stigma to be a divorcee now. “Problems between couples have always been there. But what has facilitated divorce today is that the stigma attached to separation has lessened considerably,” says Prasanta Ray, professor of sociology. “It’s legally easier too, and people are more tolerant towards divorcees. The urban set-up gives a certain anonymity to people.”

If divorce is common, re-marriage too is easier than before. “The modern trend is of serial monogamy. Because people are getting divorced at a young age and there is free mixing of sexes, finding a second partner is easy. Couples are meeting, falling in love, marrying and then discovering the flaws in the relationship. They are breaking up and going with someone else with whom they seem to get along better,” explains Ray.

While the profiles of those seeking remarriage are spread across salary groups, most are urban, educated youth. “About 50 per cent of our members are from the top seven cities of the country. About 10 per cent of the members are from outside India and 5 per cent of our members are from Calcutta. Hyderabad has the highest number of profiles,” says Pahwa.

Discord drama

Which brings us to the more basic question: why are marriages breaking up in so many numbers? “The most common reason that I hear from men is that the wife has been unfaithful. With women the most common cause seems to be the fact that her husband had failed to satisfy her physically,” says Sen.

Career also might be a problem. “Most guys who are settled well want a girl who is educated, but not very professionally motivated, for they believe that to be a reason for ego conflicts,” adds Sen.

The time that a woman spends away from home can be a constant irritant that can snowball into a major issue. More serious problems start when the husband is transferred to another city or country and the wife refuses to follow because of job commitments. Or the wife may be transferred and the husband may ask her to give up the job, for living apart is not a solution and he moving with her is not even a consideration.

Suvradip Banerjee, a 31-year-old businessman separated from his wife, agrees that career is a cause of conflict. “But I think the most vital reason for the break-up of relationships is the increasing selfishness in everyone,” he says.

Men and women, though, behave differently when it comes to divorce, feels Ray. He agrees that career is often a problem, but insists that in Indian society divorce is still the “last resort” for women. “There are still many women who are strong, beautiful and financially independent but put up with a lot just to avoid a divorce. But yes, a woman’s career has given the couple another reason to fight,” he says.

Equal opportunity

The times are changing. And a divorced, “non-virgin” woman, who was never attractive in the marriage market, has greater chances to remarry. “It’s changing, but traditionally, men would prefer a virgin. Even men who had gone through a divorce would want a virgin when remarrying,” says Ray. Not so much now. “Yes, it used to be the case, but now I find divorced men more open to divorcee women. In fact, most divorcees, men or women, find a match only among others seeking remarriage. A single person rarely likes to marry a divorcee,” says Sen. On shaadi.com, the ratio is 52 per cent men and 48 per cent women.

secondshaadi.com too feels women have a fair chance. “We have a strong representation of women. Women members are updating their profiles more often, which implies they are getting a good response,” says Pahwa. Banerjee, who has recently put up his profile on secondshaadi.com, felt confident while doing it because everyone on the site is a divorcee. “My parents had earlier posted my profile on another matrimonial site, but I withdrew it,” he says.