Jisshu Sengupta and Subhashree in Shesh Boley Kichhu Nei

There comes a time in every creative person’s life when one seriously questions one’s purpose. Why do I make movies? Why do I act or write songs? It makes me look back at my past… my desperate theatre days in Calcutta and Berlin; acting with Mrinal Sen, Buddhadeb Dasgupta, Aparna Sen, Nicolas Klotz; writing and singing songs for 20 years; making movies like Bow Barracks Forever, The Bong Connection, Ranjana Aami Aar Ashbona. I have been reasonably successful in my profession. Reasonably secure with a very warm and caring family.

Now, at 60, when I look at myself and my work I cannot ignore the dark world around me, the fragmented social structure and relationships, the pretentious permissiveness all around. The young folks who easily succumb to drugs and darkness in this Gotham City environment. There is no Dark Knight here, for me or them.

terrifying high of my life

I remember one of my very young actors who overdosed and died. I have had my share of weed. I had dexedrine with rum sitting in a bathtub of my school friend’s house in New Alipore with King Crimson on the record player. It was the most terrifying high of my life. I never dared or cared for the chemical. I recall very talented young friends in the ’70s who took to cheap brown sugar and cheaper acid and lost their brilliant careers in engineering, medicine or music.

Today I walk past doped-out young boys at night on the pavements of Lower Circular Road. I see empty syringes in the toilet bins of nightclubs and college hostels where I go to perform. I am not just talking about substance but the growing desire to pull down the shades and not face the challenges of survival in this crazy, corrupt, demoralised society. To want to be blind to the world and live with one’s headphones and cell phones.

escape from Gotham

Two easy way outs from this third-world Gotham. One is to be clever, manipulative and live among sharks. The other is to just escape. Those who are sensitive cannot be clever. A big bulk of us cannot be manipulative. So the young folks are resorting to escape and a cheap high.

Confessions of a director

The commercial failure of Dutta Vs Dutta, a film very close to my heart, coupled with a bigger disaster called Ganesh Talkies, my desperate attempt to be clever, threw me completely off balance. But in the process I learnt that I need to improve upon what I can do and not try to be what I am not. My crazy, chaotic yet relentless journey in life has brought me to Shesh Boley Kichhu Nei (releases on June 27), a film which is like a watershed in my directorial career.

When I read out the script to my producer Mou Roychowdhury of V3G Films, I was somewhat wary whether she would put money into this dark and unusual subject. But she was so touched that a huge amount of trust and love has been behind this film. Neel Dutt, my composer since day one, created songs and background which are completely different from whatever he has done before. Good or bad is yet to be judged, but the way our very young commercial star Subhashree has delivered by changing her looks and sheer performance makes me feel lucky.

Chanda Dutt, my long-time stylist and a silent force behind me, Sanjay Pathak my executive producer from the days of Bow Barracks Forever till today, Bodhaditya Banerjee, my editor, cinematographer Supriyo Dutta, Sumanta Chatterjee, my co-producer… each and every member of the unit fell into their own watersheds perhaps and we refused shortcuts.

my hero’s hunger

Jisshu Sengupta, my hero’s hunger to perform took me completely by surprise on the first day of shoot. For the first time in my life I could not match up to my co-actor. This is what true love is all about — to be able to challenge each other and create. Ours was a unit where the executive producer Sanjay Pathak was hands-on involved in helping improve the production design (Ashish Adhikari) and musicians tried to better the acting.

renewal in Rome

We wrapped up our shoot. Me and my wife Chanda went off to Rome. I saw the Sistine Chapel and Michelangelo’s magic for the first time. I wept and realised I have not been good enough and can, with my limited skills, do better. In the rented apartment in Barcelona, me and Chanda constantly talked about Shesh Boley Kichhu Nei and how I can improve as a craftsman. Never before in our yearly holidays abroad have I ever questioned my worth as an artiste. I returned with renewed energy to post production, edit, colour correction, sound design. Desperately wanting to correct my mistakes and realising that there are folks out there whom I should not, or rather, cannot fool.

thank you, soumitrada Post pack-up of my shoot with Soumitra Chatterjee (Anjan directs him for the first time for the big screen), we used to spend hours discussing Satyajit Ray, Mrinal Sen, Marlon Brando, James Dean, drink a couple, and end up listening to incredible anecdotes in his career. His memories challenged me to think differently. Somehow, he questioned my worth indirectly. I owe him a great deal for turning me on.

HEAR IT FROM Harvey

In his Inside The Actors Studio interview on YouTube, Harvey Keitel, my favourite actor and virtual guide and the most creative person in this profession, tells a young student who is tired of doing the same thing on and on — “You just keep doing it. You never know when the big thing happens. Giving your best to cinema over and over again is like being in love with a guy whom you may think is a jerk. But you hang on to him because he’s YOUR guy!” These words of Harvey today matter as director/actor. With Shesh Boley Kichhu Nei I have come back to what I think I am good at and am doing it once again. I don’t know the outcome. But I am hanging on to my choice.

will they watch my film?

I still walk the streets of Circular Road at night. I still see boys with motorcycles and their rubber tubes and syringe. And I know that if I argue with them it’s going to get messy. They lean on the poster of my film. Will these guys ever watch my film? Or am I just catering to a handful of rich folk who don’t know the difference between weed and cheap brown sugar? Am I just catering to those who do not understand death wish? But I go back to Harvey’s words. Just keep doing it. Your choice matters somehow…

Taking responsibility

Shesh Boley Kichhu Nei is not just about drug abuse. It’s about taking responsibility in a world where there is no Batman. To take responsibility of perhaps just one life. Good enough. A movie or a song can’t change society. But perhaps it can make a handful think differently. That’s good enough for me at 60. Movie business is finally about box-office collections and turnovers. Unfortunate, but that’s reality. Perhaps Shesh Boley Kichhu Nei is my last Bengali film for some time, and I move on to other languages where I hope to meet head on with Randeep Hooda or Rajkummar Rao, even Soumitra Chatterjee for that matter.

But I will still walk Circular Road at night and confront life because this hellhole, with glossy shopping malls, desperately poor slums, fancy flyovers and seedy backstreets… this dark Calcutta... is my home.

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