I am a 23-year-old woman. My boyfriend and I come from very different social backgrounds. I am afraid his parents will want him to marry a girl from their own tribe. What should I do?

Jacqueline, Shillong

Own tribe? Where are you based? Look my child just don’t worry about his parents: if you love the man, marry him and to hell with his parents: remember they will always die before you do so you will have enough time to yourself: and since when did brides ever love their in-laws or vice-versa? If you think this bloke is worth it, then go for it. By the way, since we are on the subject of tribes, can you help find me someone too. I love tribal women. They are sincere and uncomplicated. And for us city folks, they are the best!

I am a 22-year-old man. I used to be very smart until I joined the engineering (electrical) college. Now I feel as if I have become a bit abnormal. I feel that I have no social skills and am uncomfortable with myself. I am also fighting a tendency to hurt myself. Please save me.

Name and address withheld

Only idiots study electrical engineering. In these times, you don’t even need to change a bulb so why would you study electrical engineering son? In fact I wonder why I ever subsidise the IITs of the world? I agree with the abnormal bit. So here’s my advice: enroll as a teacher at La Martini-ere and sanity will return. Not to the school but to you since even you will find it almost as bewildering as electrical engineering!

I am 16. Whenever I meet a girl I fall in love with her and propose. But nobody accepts my proposal. What should I do?

Prosun, Calcutta

Just don’t propose and see how they will be attracted to you. I have never ever proposed to any woman in my life and I have been on the gravy train since I can recollect. The moment you propose they get scared. Life has to be learnt from the lessons from fishing. Always put enough bait to attract the prey not to give it indigestion. Get it son?

HELP AT HAND

Alcoholics anonymous

10A, Nandan Road, Near Ganja Park, Calcutta - 25
Ph: 2419 1174
For free help on alcoholism
E-mail: aakolkata_ig03@rediffmail.com
(2p.m. to 6p.m. Mondays through Saturdays)
Al-Anon (for families and friends of alcoholics)
Ph : 98309 93132
(2p.m. to 6 p.m. Mondays through Saturdays)
www.india.al-anon.alateen.org

Narcotics anonymous (Kolkata area helpline)

Ph: 9836223071; www.nakolkata.org
Email: info@nakolkata.org
Self-help group of recovering addicts

HelpAge India

1800-345-1253
Free helpline for the elderly for
social, legal, economical, financial counselling and also access to
government schemes and policies

Lifeline Foundation

Ph: 2463 7401/ 2463 7432
Free helpline for the depressed or suicidal
(10 a.m. to 6 p.m. Monday through Saturdays)

Sparsha

AE-36, Rabindra Pally, PO: Prafulla Kanan, Calcutta - 01
Ph: 2591 0334, 2591 3852, 6529, 9856
Free tele-counselling and one-on-one counselling on personal relationships and HIV/ AIDS
(10 a.m. to 6 p.m. Mondays through Fridays)

Pronam

38/1, Beltala Road,Calcutta - 19
Senior Citizen’s Emergency
Co-ordination Control Room
Ph: 2419 0740