I am a 25-year-old woman. I am confused about everything in life. Be it work, family or friends, I am always apprehensive about something or the other. Why can’t I be sure of anything in life?

Name and address withheld

I know many like you: some of them are star television executives and if they feel this way about life, then you are in great company. I know people who want to make documentaries one day and live in Bali the other. So here’s my advice: do what you know well and stop day-dreaming or hoping to conquer the world.

I am a 16-year-old girl. I have been told by an astrologer that I can never excel in academics. Ever since I have heard this, I simply cannot concentrate on my studies. I feel even if I study, I won’t score well. I have lost confidence when it comes to studies. What should I do?

Name and address withheld

Just forget studying and join the Trinamul Congress and work to defeat the communists. There you will need all the non-academic stuff you can possibly garner. How to stuff ballot boxes; beat up voters, threaten people and so on. Great learning experiences for you, my child…

I have been an employee at a multinational company for the past seven years. I got promoted pretty fast and am known for good work in my company. Recently, I was compelled to resign. Being a family man, this has affected me adversely. Can you please suggest what I can do in these circumstances?

Name and address withheld

Join Amul or some nationalistic firm. Look, here’s the truth. Only you thought you were good. Only you thought you were a star. Only you believed you were doing well. Everyone else thinks you’re a loser and a failure and they want you out which is what they’ve done. Now what I suggest is accept the fact that you’re a loser and now work around that belief. It will help you even more to be rooted.

I am a 16-year-old girl. I am a flirt by nature. I tend to hang out with friends at places where I can meet good looking guys. As a result, I cannot concentrate on studies. I feel guilty at times. What should I do?

Name and address withheld

Nothing. Just let me have the addresses of the places you hang out and we’ll make it worth our while. I love people like you who are clear about who and what they are and don’t give a toss about what the rest of the world thinks. The day I retire, you can even start writing this column.

I am an 18-year-old girl. My parents do not allow me to go to night clubs or discotheques. They fear I might get into the habit of smoking and drinking. However, I just want to dance and have fun. How do I convince them that I can take care of myself?

Name and address withheld

Just wait to grow up. They will never be convinced and what’s the goddamn hurry about growing up. Life is strange. When we’re young we want to grow old quickly, and when we grow old, we want to stay young as far as possible. Savour life darling…

I got married four years ago. We do not share a normal sexual relationship because of which I feel very frustrated. This has now begun to reflect in my behaviour towards my husband and I’ve started ignoring him. What would be the right thing to do?

Name and address withheld

Have sex with someone else. If there are relatives in the house, you can even save on transport costs. I agree with you completely. If your husband cannot satiate you, then you need to go elsewhere but then be as close to the DNA pool as it were so that there is at least some loyalty in your rather adulterous life.

I am a 24-year-old man. My girlfriend and I belong to different sun signs. According to some sun sign books, our sun signs are not compatible. Since my girlfriend believes in this, she is not ready to go ahead with this relationship. What should I do to convince her otherwise?

Name and address withheld

Change the book or change the publisher and in any event I do not have the time for this sun sign rubbish. How do people in Greenland marry? There is no bloody sun there so what signs could they be possibly looking for?

I am a 15-year-old boy. Recently I got into the habit of smoking. My brother saw me smoking along with my friends and has been blackmailing me by threatening to tell my parents. Since then, he is making me to do all his work. What should I do?

Name and address withheld

Smoking is a terrible habit. Only large companies such as the one on Chowringhee Road make money out of it and then their chairman makes a virtue of his alignment with sustainability. The only thing sustainable about him though is his tenure at the company. Because he never seems to (or even want to) retire. Sad. So, see in how many ways smoking can truly be deathly? Stop smoking if you want to live, son.

I recently shifted to Bangalore in order to pursue further studies. I stay in a hostel here along with my batch mates. Since I have lived with my family all my life, I am finding it tough to adjust in this environment where I have to do everything myself. To top it all, the study pressure is tremendous and there is cut- throat competition in this college. What should I do?

Name and address withheld

Nothing. Just put up a dart board with Pramod Muthalik’s photograph and take aim at it every day and you will forget your home and your folks. After that, you can then attend the funeral of the Shri Ram Sene. Okay, child?

I am a 21-year-old boy. I have been in a relationship for the past seven months and my parents know about it. However, my girlfriend is scared to tell her parents about us. I want her parents to know as well. What should I do?

Name and address withheld

Release an ad as part of the ministry of steel’s achievements during the last five years. No one else but that silly cow will perhaps read it and then we can all be happy and live peacefully in the knowledge that you two dolts have finally found love.

I am a 17-year old boy. My problem is that I fall in love with any girl very easily. Whenever I meet an attractive girl, I try my best to impress her. The moment the girl gets impressed, I start getting bored with the relationship. I have started hating myself for this attitude. How do I change myself?

Name and address withheld

I have no answer. I suffer from the same problem except that I have begun to enjoy it and I keep a kind of golfer’s score-card — except that unlike most golfers, I do not fudge the figures. So my suggestion is enjoy it while you can because it gets tougher as you get older, son.

HELP AT HAND

Alcoholics anonymous

10A, Nandan Road, Near Ganja Park
Calcutta 700025
Ph: 24191174

E-mail: aakolkata_ig03@rediffmail.com

For free help on alcoholism
Contact: Volunteers on line
Timings: 2.00 p.m. to 6 p.m.
Mondays through Saturdays

Lifeline Foundation

Ph: 2463 7401/ 2463 7432

Free, anonymous and confidential tele helpline service giving emotional support for people who are depressed, distressed or suicidal

Timings: 10 a.m. to 6 p.m.
Monday through Saturdays

Society for positive atmosphere & related support to hiv/aids (sparsha)

AE-36, Rabindra Pally,
P.- Prafulla Kanan
Calcutta — 700 101

Ph: 2591 0334, 2591 3852, 6529 9856

Tele-counselling and face-to-face counselling on issues concerning relationships, sex education and free and confidential testing, counselling and information on HIV & AIDS

Contact: Counsellors on line
Timings: 10 a.m. to 6 p.m.
Mondays through Fridays

Kornash ( The lifestyle management school )

139B Rashbehari Avenue,
Calcutta — 700 029
Ph: 9830149919

Interactive sessions on personality enhancement, stress reduction, lifestyle management, behavioural modification for children, marital counselling and psychotherapy

Contact: Counsellors on line
Timings: 12 p.m. to 8 p.m.,
Mondays through Saturdays

Society for nature, education and health (sneh)

Flat — 2B, 48/1, Chakraberia
Road (North) Calcutta — 700 020
Ph: 2486 7404, 2486 1940

E-mail: sneh@cal2.vsnl.net.in

Psychotherapy for children,adolescents and adults suffering from behavioural and emotional problems

Timings: 10.00 a.m. to 5.00 p.m.
Mondays through Saturdays