College Street

A week of losses

It’s been a week full of sad news; the passing of two giants, Ismail Merchant and Sunil Dutt. And another tragic loss that book-lovers and Calcuttans all over the world will feel deeply; thousands of books burned to cinders in the recent College Street fire. I belong to a generation of College Street college-goers who never went to Coffee House for its addas (great history can’t compensate for bad food) but bought books from Chuckervertty Chatterjee and Sons with a fervour that was more than religious. Fond memories of book-buying orgies during their incredible summer sales (hardback Rs 100, paperback Rs 50) and quick trips upstairs in between classes at Presidency will last a lot longer than smoke. Hopefully they’ll survive this loss and be back soon.

Pace, guile and the ability to generate both spin and bounce make Harbhajan Singh an excellent candidate to shoot love arrows. He’ll be playing Cupid soon in a Punjabi music video from singer Teji Sandhu

Are you a lingweenie?

Can’t find the right word to describe something? Make one up! Can’t do that either? Well, then you’re a lingweenie. Here are the the top ten favourite words not in the dictionary from a recent Merriam-Webster poll. The big one on top of the list is ginormous (bigger than gigantic or enormous), closely followed by confuzzled (confused and puzzled), woot (a joyous exclamation), chillax, cognitive displaysia (the feeling you have, before you leave the house, that you’ve forgotten something you’ll need later), gription (purchase gained by friction) phonecrastinate (to not answer the phone until caller ID tells you who’s calling), slickery (wet and icy surface), snirt (dirty snow) and lingweenie (someone who can’t think up new words). If this doesn’t have you fahoodled (confused, trying to think of too many things at once) and craughing (crying and laughing simultaneously), you’re ready to turn into a vocabularian (who makes up new words).

Monkey scare

Those damn monkeys have been at it again, and have even provoked a government response. The Indian minister for human resources has hired a monkey-catcher and a langur to scare away hordes of monkeys that have been wreaking havoc in his offices in Delhi. This brings our Capital’s Langur Squadron to three catchers and five monkeys. There’s a movie in this somewhere.

Kainaaz Pervees

Bikini brawl

Canadian-born bombshell Kainaaz Pervees is madder than a wet hen, and rightfully so. Someone’s created a fake online profile in her name, introducing her as a ‘high-class call girl’. In case you don’t remember Pervees, it’s probably because, like all sane people, you didn’t see her Bollywood debut, Khamoshi, also starring pectoral actress Rakhi Sawant. The only reason Khamoshi made the news was because of a cat-fight that broke out between its sizzling stars ? Pervees thought it was unfair of the censors to cut a scene where she was wearing a bra when they allowed Sawant to parade around in a red bikini bottom.

AWARD OF THE WEEK

To Andrew Wallace, orthopaedic surgeon at London’s St John hospital, where Tendulkar’s corrective surgery happened recently. May the gods of cricket watch over him, and may he have to listen to Sidhu’s commentary for the rest of his life if he’s messed it up.