Out of this world: Sting (picture above) contributed an unworldly falsetto in Money for nothing and his band, The Police, had an album called Ghost in the Machine

For the past few weeks, a film called Bhooter Bhobishyot has been tickling Bengali filmgoers in places they had forgotten could be tickled. Coming home the other day from a late-night screening of the film and chuckling at remembered highlights, I was reminded of the ad for a drink that supposedly refreshes parts its competitors fail to reach. But later I had this nightmare:

In a certain dilapidated north Calcutta building, like the one that served as the headquarters of the spectres in Bhooter Bhobishyot, a shady party was in progress, attended by — who else but? — shades, celebrating the runaway success of the film that had breathed new… um, life into their community. The ghost of a zamindar whose family owned the property was holding forth on how, for the first time since Ray, a ghost story on film had stirred the imagination of Bengalis.

The time was right, he continued, for the phantoms of Paschim Banga to make a mark in other fields of Bengali art and culture, such as music. He lamented the lack of popular non-film Bangla songs involving ghosts. Almost everyone agreed, barring a miasmic wraith who whispered that Tarun Bandopadhyay had sung Ami bhoot tumi bhoot kimbhoot in the 70s. An apparition who looked like a British laat-saheb suggested starting work on an album right away.

A guitar-wielding spook in a Che Guevara tee urged that the members of Chandrabindoo, who had earlier released Joojoo, a song at least partly about ghosts, should be commissioned to write the songs. The British-laat-lookalike agreed and also proposed a collaboration with Andrew Lloyd Webber and Charles Hart, whose Phantom of the Opera had been a phenomenal success.

Next to be discussed was the list of singers. Anup Ghoshal was the obvious first choice, having sung in the GooGaBaBa films, even if he didn’t sing playback for any ghost. Besides, all those who had featured in the soundtrack of Bhooter Bhobishyot would be retained. For the sections to be sung in English, the consensus was that Sting should be selected, to reproduce his unworldly falsetto as heard on Money for nothing; he had also been part of an album called Ghost in the Machine.

A pretty ectoplasmama then squeaked that Amitabh Bachchan also should be brought on board, having played a ghost in Bhoothnath and mouthed Bengali lyrics in Kahaani. A ghostess who was attired as a singing star of yesteryear objected that Amitabh’s Bengali pronunciation needed working on, particularly after he modified Tagore’s lyrics to Jodi tor dhak shune keo na ashe. She also stressed the importance of training all the musicians to sing through their noses, in the best traditions of spectral music. Whereupon the spirit of a Bengali brigadier suggested recruiting Himesh Reshammiya as trainer.

That is when I awoke, sweating, shivering and screaming. So I never got to learn what the album was to be called. But keeping in mind the title of the film that spawned the spin-off, here’s my suggestion: Bhobishyoter Bhoot.

And the kind of music featured? Rock’n’ghoul, of course.