SAY IT WITH A SCOWL: The exit area of the Calcutta airport gives those coming into town nothing to smile about. Picture by Aranya Sen

Think it’s easy to get out of hell? Try stepping out of Calcutta airport.

Touts, fleecing taxis, chaotic traffic and official apathy “welcome” the traveller to our city. Metro stood with some of the driven-to-despair passengers — seeing such an airport for the first time or landing in the “oh-so-familiar” mess.

BY TOUT-ATIS!

What: Beware of help from the moment you step out, it is not the famed Bengali hospitality.

“Dada, taxi lagbe (Need a taxi)?” a man said with a helpful smile and a family new to the city followed him. The yellow cab he took them to asked for Rs 500 for a 12km trip to Sealdah. The fare on the meter would have been a little over Rs 100.

City boy Sanjay Bhattacharya, 35, escaped with a smaller hole in his pocket.

“Dada, give them to me,” a man said, whisking away his trolley as soon as he stepped out. “He led me to a taxi and, as I sat down, he put his hand in through the window and demanded Rs 50.”

Over half the people crowding the exit at any given time are there to fleece passengers. “In the absence of any help from the airport authorities, the touts are the only service providers,” said a passenger.

In Mumbai, there is a hotel-booking counter inside both arrival terminals. The airport has phones having hotlines with luxury taxi operators.

“Sir, hotel. Sir, hotel. AC room near airport,” went a man, getting up close to a foreigner arriving in Calcutta.

Why: The touts are protected by the powerful Citu union and so they are the untouchables.

Airport officials say they have no authority to act since they don’t operate “inside the terminal” building. “We throw them out whenever they come inside,” said an official.

Police say it is “impossible to detect a tout and arrest him unless a passenger complains”.

At this rate, even Asterix and Obleix would struggle to save Calcutta airport.

TAXI-ING TIMES

What: “Do you think I’m travelling for the first time?” Sajal Kumar Sarkar shouted, dragging his bags out from a taxi’s boot. The driver had asked for Rs 600 to go to Shibpur, Howrah, about 20km away.

The trolley had vanished by the time the bags came out. Pulling the suitcases along with his brother, Sajal, 30, went to a pre-paid counter, his elderly parents behind him.

“There, they demanded Rs 350, which is also more than the usual fare,” said the marine engineer.

Sajal asked his parents to keep walking. About 500 metres away, a taxi agreed to go by the meter. It took him Rs 280 — and a whole lot of harassment — to reach home.

“Taxis running by the meter are easily available outside Mumbai airport. Why not here?” he demanded.

Sajal was actually lucky. At least the taxis he approached had agreed to go. At Calcutta airport, where the lack of signages leaves passengers stranded while trying to locate the pre-paid booth, to go or not to go is entirely the driver’s discretion.

Why: Citu musclemen rule the taxi stand as the airport authorities and police look the other away.

“No passenger lodges a complaint against a taxi driver. We can’t take action on our own,” said a senior officer of the airport police station.

TOE-CRUSHER

What: “Space crunch we know, but space management? What’s that?” a Calcutta airport official is likely to ask as the small canopy at the exit brims over with touts, taxi operators, visitors and passengers (in that order).

The crowd spills onto the road. Three or four lanes of cars queue up as they stop wherever they want and passengers load their luggage. The big Volvo buses, waiting for people to hop on, eat into the narrow passage.

“It is so crowded here that it is very difficult to find someone,” said James Mason, a priest from the US who had just arrived. “The exit areas are much more spacious in most other airports across the world.”

Mumbai, for example, has a huge canopy, with a restaurant and a waiting area. Canopy-covered lanes lead to the taxi and auto stands from there.

Why: According to officials, there is no space for any further expansion in the exit area. “The terminal building was built to handle 5,000 passengers daily, but now more than 13,000 passengers are using it,” said an official.

The authorities have not allotted any parking bay for the Volvos.

Officials also blame passengers for the chaos. “They don’t want to walk to the parking area and board their cars right in front of the exit gate.”

But why isn’t there someone to book the offenders. “The state police are supposed to maintain traffic,” said airport director R. Srinivasan.

A FOR APATHY

What: A daughter in her arms and a daughter by her side, Geetanjali Devi Idar had to drag her own luggage because she couldn’t find a trolley. But once outside, she was almost run over by a long line of trolleys being rolled in, cutting across the hundreds of people jostling at the exit.

“Unable to find a trolley, I had asked an airport official for help. He shrugged and told me to meet the airport manger and register my complaint,” said the visitor flying in from Ahmedabad.

What: We are like this only.

What problems do you face while exiting Calcutta airport? Tell ttmetro@abpmail.com