I am a working girl. I live with my father and my sister, who is also employed. My sister does not do any household work but she is always finding fault with whatever I do. My father, who is very old, does not protest. I have stopped speaking to her but there is a lot of tension in our house. What should I do?

Name and address withheld

Your sister is an unfair, exploitative and manipulative woman. The next time she finds fault with you, politely yet firmly, tell her that you are not going to take her tantrums lying down. Stick to this policy if she repeats her offence. She will get the message. But it would be prudent to take your father into confidence. Otherwise, he might just support your sister.

Surajit Banerjee, Calcutta

You are, no doubt, the favourite of your family and this makes your sister insecure. This is natural and there is nothing to get upset about. Pay more attention to your father and to your work. Be diplomatic with your sister. Give her gifts and make her feel loved. Tell her that she should pay more attention towards your father as he is getting old. Try not to lose patience.

Amit Das,

silchar

There are some people in this world who are never satisfied. For the time being, don’t ask your sister to do any household chores. Try to do as much work as you can and stop talking to her for a few days. I think that after some days, she will realise her folly and try and behave. If the situation does not improve, take her to a psychiatrist.

Keshab Kumar Chowdhury,

Calcutta

Analyse the behaviour of your sister psychologically. It may be that she can’t express her anxieties and problems to anyone. Maybe she wants to settle down, but family obligations are coming in her way. She may have excessive workload, or an unpleasant office environment to contend with. Become her friend and help her to understand that you truly care for her and your father. Do not hesitate to sacrifice something to please her. Keep quiet when she shouts, don’t argue when she complains. That is what will change her behaviour. It is unwise to neglect and blame your father, who, at this age, deserves some peace.

C.K.Das,

Siliguri

Do you think if you stop talking to your sister, things will work out? I don’t think so. In fact, you should speak to her and make her understand that whatever she is doing is wrong. I am sure she will understand your feeling. After all, you share a blood relationship with her.

Ritasree Banerjee,

calcutta

My advice to you would be to do your own work and take care of your father. Let your sister do her own thing. Be indifferent to her, and make your attitude clear to your father. Make him understand that this is essential for you and the family as well. And since you are not dependent on your sister financially, what is stopping you from giving her a piece of your mind?

Aparna Mukherjee,

Guwahati

It seems that you fall in the category of those meek people who digest unfair comments and suffer in silence. Why don’t you ask your sister to do the work herself the moment she finds faults with it? I think that your ability to deftly manage both the household and the professional world and the appreciation that you gain from that creates an inferiority complex within her. She can definitely share the daily chores with you but she prefers to sit back and be critical just to get a feeling of superiority. I think you should ask her the reason for her behaviour and also make her understand that a kind word from her would mean a lot to you. In this way you can cast away her antagonism and gain her trust.

Kathakali Das Bhaumik,

Calcutta

Give your sister two options. One, if she wants to live with the family, then she has to change her attitude and help you with household chores. Otherwise, ask her to move out and get her own place. As she is working, she should not have any financial problems in setting up house on her own.

Sourish Misra, salt lake, Calcutta

I think your sister is very unhappy and this is her way of expressing her dissatisfaction. You should try and find out the cause for her dissatisfaction. Are you sure that your authoritative way is not creating this rift? She is a working woman and not a baby so instead of disciplining her, be affectionate and get her involved. Pay heed to her opinion and encourage her. I think if you treat her as a friend and confidante and stop behaving like a big sister, there will be a difference in your relationship. Avoiding each other and not talking to her will not help matters.

Falgusree Dasgupta,

Santiniketan

You and your sister are mature working women. Not talking to each other will not yield any solution but will create more disturbances within the family. Think of your father. It is not desirable for him go through this trouble and tension every day.

Sharmistha Bhattacherjee,

Nagaon

Your father needs to control your sister or put her up with some relatives With you balancing a job and looking after the house, your father should not tolerate such temper tantrums from a family member who does nothing to help you out. Your sister needs to be dealt with strongly. But people like this may change for the better with time, especially if they are separated from their family for a while.

T. R. Anand,

Calcutta