SPLIT AND SPIT

• UMA THURMAN about her philandering ex ETHAN HAWKE: ?The advantage of being well-known is that there are so many people to tell you so many things, like about his (Ethan?s) affair with (model) Jennifer (Perzow). I think all men cheat.?

• ETHAN HAWKE defending himself regarding UMA THURMAN: ?The story of us breaking up over infidelity has been an annoying one. I have a burning desire to walk up to everybody on the street and say, ?Hey, by the way, that?s not true.? This split is the saddest, most agonising period of my life. I?m 33. If my 40s are where people say it?s really good, then I?m probably going to be suicidal.?

• JENNIFER PERZOW: ?I?m no home-wrecker. All this stuff that I broke up Uma and Ethan?s marriage is just not true. It?s Uma who walked out of the marriage, not Ethan. He?s very much of a family guy and this hasn?t been an easy thing for him. The very first night I met him, he told me he was no longer with his wife ? that they were having problems and he was separated. I had no reason to doubt him. What he had in Montreal before everything broke loose was great.?

CHRISTINA CASES

• KELLY OSBOURNE on CHRISTINA AGUILERA: ?She is one of the most disgusting human beings in the world.?

• CHRISTINA AGUILERA on JENNIFER LOVE HEWITT:?She wants a bunch of white boys I don?t want. I would scare the shit out of her if she came to one of my sleepovers.?

• CHRISTINA AGUILERA on infamous liplock on the MTV Video Music Awards: ?These people aren?t artistes. They are just performers ? fake and superficial.?

• CHRISTINA AGUILERA on PINK: ?When has Pink not been copying me? In her fashion, it?s always like, ?Gosh, I just wore that last week.??

• PINK on CHRISTINA AGUILERA: ?Comments like that are exactly why I dropped out of high school. Drama is not for me. What can I say? The girl needs to be on meds. But she has a great voice. She should sing more and talk less.?

OZZY AND FAMILY

• BILL COSBY on THE OSBOURNES: ?This is a sad, sad family; it is a sad case. The children are sad and the parents are sad. And this is not entertainment.?

• SHARON OSBOURNE on her husband, OZZY OSBOURNE: ?People wonder why they can?t understand him. Well, you?d be hard to understand too if you drank two vats of coffee, two vats of wine and took 25 Vicodin a day. I can?t stop him. The only thing I can do is make sure he sleeps in a way that he won?t choke to death on his own vomit.?

• OZZY OSBOURNE on PRESIDENT GEORGE BUSH: ?You know, when you meet a person, you get a good vibe, a not-so-good vibe or a terrible, goddam awful vibe? He?s got no vibe.?

• SHARON OSBOURNE about MADONNA: ?I tell you what, I went into shock at Madonna?s new head. See, she?s got that Botox in her forehead. Oh, Madonna, I know what you?ve been doing. There?s not one line on that bloody head!?

• MADONNA on SHARON OSBOURNE: ?She has that wrong. I?ve been accused of something I?m not doing. I have not had my face altered by plastic surgery or Botox. I am happy in my life and that?s the glow you see. It?s that simple.?

SEAN AND CAGE

• SEAN PENN on NICOLAS CAGE: ?He?s debased himself as an actor. As damaged as I am, as reckless as I?ve been, I never murdered my own ?voice? He sold out. Nic Cage is not an actor. He could be again but now he?s more like a...performer.?

• NICOLAS CAGE on SEAN PENN: ?Penn pretended to be a friend. Then he stabbed me in the back. The door to our friendship is now closed. In this business, you get enough negativity from the press without having your friends dump on you in public.?

IT?S THE AGE

• BRITTANY MURPHY on her ex ASHTON KUTCHER and his girlfriend DEMI MOORE: ?I suppose the crux of their relationship is, to him, that age doesn?t matter. And, to her, size doesn?t matter.?

• UMA THURMAN on REBECCA LOOS, soccer star DAVID BECKHAM'S ALLEGED MISTRESS: ?It sounds pretty low. I?m not sure whether she?s trash or a tramp. I?d say tramp, though. She can?t get enough publicity.?

• JON STEWART on DAVID GEST (Liza?s ex): ?There?s no conceivable amount of money worth telling the world that you were beaten up by Liza Minnelli.?

• PAMELA ANDERSON on SIEGFRIED & ROY: ?All captive white tigers are in-bred to bring in money-spending curiosity seekers.?

• HELENA BONHAM CARTER on WOODY ALLEN: ?When I kissed him (on-screen), no exchange of liquid is permitted. Absolutely no tongue encounter. His mouth is a no-go area. And he makes no effort at all. It?s like kissing the Berlin Wall.?

• SAMANTHA MORTON about ELIZABETH HURLEY: ?She?s not an actress. I wouldn?t think she?d do street theater in Poland, would you? Do you think she really loves her craft? No.?

• Songwriter JONI MITCHELL on MADONNA: ?Madonna has knocked the importance of talent out of the arena. She?s manufactured.?

• STEVIE NICKS on that liplock on the MTV Video Music Awards: ?It was the most obnoxious moment in TV history. Madonna is too old to be kissing someone who is 21. And Britney should be smarter than that.?

• LISA MARIE PRESLEY on MICHAEL JACKSON: ?There was always an element of manipulation (in our 20-month marriage). I?d think I was going to a charming dinner, just the two of us, and then, BAM! There would be paparazzi all over us. He didn?t get to where he is without being very shrewd.?

• SPIKE LEE on JANET JACKSON?s breast exposure stunt at the Super Bowl: ?It?s a new low. What?s gonna be next? It?s getting crazy, and it?s all down to money. Money and fame.?

• DEBBIE GIBSON 80s pop princess on BRITNEY SPEARS: ?She?s got this Jekyll and Hyde thing going on. She plays with her image. It?s a marketing tool.?

• JOAN RIVERS on KEVIN COSTNER: ?Did you see the teeny tiny diamond on the engagement ring he (Costner) gave his fiancee (Christine Baumgartner)? I told her she was a fool. It should have been four times that size. He should be ashamed of himself!?

• LORRAINE BRACCO on The Sopranos costar JAMES GANDOLFINI: ?His highly-publicised salary negotiations held up the entire production last season. I told him, ?You got 200 people on the set waiting to pay a mortgage. Nobody wants you to get more money than me, but you have to think about everyone else.?

• JENNIFER LOPEZ on GWYNETH PALTROW: ?I don?t remember anything she was in. Some people get hot by association. I heard a lot more about her and (former boyfriend) Brad Pitt than I ever heard about her work.?

• BRITNEY SPEARS on PINK: ?Don?t be a hypocrite and put me down when you?re, like, performing with your belly showing too.?

• PINK on PRINCE WILLIAM: ?He wanted me to perform at his birthday party, and I declined. I wrote him a letter saying, ?You hunt animals and I don?t agree with it.? I didn?t call him names; I just said he was being ignorant. Then I heard a rumour that his dad (Prince Charles) was writing to me to say, ?Stop picking on my son!??

• JENNIFER ANISTON about MELISSA RIVERS: ?I saw Melissa Rivers go off on me.... She accused me of being anorexic and on and on. I went right up to her and I took her down. I told her I saw her on Politically Incorrect and she said, ?Oh, God, what did I say?? I said, ?Oh, don?t give me that crap. Do you have any idea who I really am or how I live my life or what I do or what messages you are sending out into this world? It?s bad enough that you and your mom (Joan Rivers) go on that show of yours and rip people apart. Are you so in need of attention that you have to spew all that? There is no validity to anything you said about me.?

(Asia Features)