Patience and perseverance are paramount 

Like most people, I too believed that entry into the Friendzone came with a one-way ticket. But instead of being the boy buddy, I decided to work my way out of it. Here’s my story…

I started having feelings for a junior who was also a close friend. She would tell me stories about her ex, her recent crush, that she found me very safe (and hence a “friend”) and sometimes, how we had no chance of dating. What added to the problem was that we are contrasting characters. While I am dumb and slow, she is very intelligent and a class topper; while I am more emotionally dependent, she is very independent; while I am an extrovert, she is reserved. 
However, after months of talking to her and carefully examining what she likes, what she wants and what is missing in her life, I came up with my Great Escape from Friendzone plan. 

She was pretty and smart, a combination that gained her a lot of attention in school and outside and, of course, she enjoyed it. What was missing was a person who genuinely cared for her and was there for her in good times and bad. Boys who kept saying nice things to her didn’t please her anymore. That’s where I comfortably made a place for myself. I wasn’t the guy who ignored her, abused her to gain her attention, neither was I the one who would go on saying pleasing stuff to her. I was still not out of the Friendzone but she started to value our friendship. 

Since she saw me as a Friendzoned friend, I would never get a chance to flirt with her. She would never flirt back anyway. I realised that even if she became my girlfriend, ours wouldn’t exactly be a flirtatious chemistry. I figured that out and I accepted it.

In the beginning, I would barely listen to her. Every time she spoke, I would give her gyan in return, which I realised she found irritating. It was tough, but I had to turn myself into a listener. That gained me more points. I made sure she knew I was confident about things I loved to do, that I had a dream and I would not stop anyone from achieving their dreams. 
Another important point was to let her know that I had feelings for her. Once she knew that I was a trustworthy and caring person whose company she enjoyed and I also had some kind of feelings for her, she started seeing me as more than a friend. 

I would never be fake with her. I was dumb and funny and didn’t have biceps or a good body, neither was I tall or intelligent but that’s how she accepted me. But all the while, I kept the mystery alive, and I did this for a couple of months. 
And she grew intrigued about my supposed feelings for her. I saw her getting impatient to know what exactly it was. She didn’t believe relationships with friends actually worked, she would drop hints by saying such things. 

But once she said, “But I would like to be proved wrong.” That was the striking point. I made plans to ask her out. Her birthday wasn’t far and luckily, she didn’t have big plans that year. I convinced her to meet me for an hour. I didn’t want to ask her out over phone because that’s what most guys do and I knew she was bored of it. That evening, on her birthday, I gave her a present she always wanted — a particular hat from a particular store in the city. A little thing to let her know that I listen. I expressed my feelings for her that evening. She did freak out at first but accepted my proposal to be in a relationship. 

It has been roughly a year-and-a-half. We aren’t the romantic couple. We aren’t the always fighting-and-making-up couple, either. We are in love, yet we are very good friends. And trust me, there is nothing more satisfying than dating a friend. At least you don’t have to pretend to be someone in front of her just to keep her hooked. I can be the craziest when my girlfriend is around. And I am very happy about that. 

A second-year student of mass communication

Knowledge is the key

This is for those who think there’s nothing worse than the Friendzone. Have you heard of the Brozone? This place, only reserved for girls, is much, much worse than any level of Friendzone one might ever be in. While being Friendzoned by a guy may make you shed a few tears, being Brozoned by a guy you dig is every girl’s nightmare! 

I know, I have been there for 18 long months. To all those fortunate creatures who don’t know what the Brozone actually is, it’s that state of affairs when a guy places you in the position of his nearest and dearest brother-from-another-mother, and, worse, calls you “bhai”! 

And if you are the bro in the life of the guy with whom you want to make babies, be prepared to hear him talk about the hot girls he crushes on and the websites from where he gets the best porn. He’ll call you up late at night to have those “man-to-man” chats where you begin to question your own gender. And that’s not it. You get to encounter the messiest of rooms and stinkiest of cupboards. As you see your perfect vision of your perfect guy crumble in front of your eyes, you’ll be tempted to swear off love, if not forever, at least for the next 40 years! 

It was no different for me. I saw him get in and out of relationships, waited for him to return my calls while he flirted with other girls, heard him talk about bikes and cars without having any knowledge about them, and tried to give him “man” advice! It was tiring and quite hopeless really. 

But in between all this irritating boy talk, I got to see the person beneath the forced perfections, and that was something only I was allowed to see. That gave me a big plus. I knew exactly what he wanted from a relationship, I got used to his messy side, and by then understood almost everything about him. I was the only girl he had become used to opening up to, and having late-night chats on anything and everything with.

Also, we were comfortable with each other in all situations. We could play pranks on each other, abuse each other, cry in front of each other, gossip about other people, and we always had each other’s back. What was left was just for him to realise that.

And he did, soon.

PS: It’s now a three-year-old relationship and still going strong.

A second-year student of English

AND THERE’S MORE...

Here are a few other “zones” that plague us, or soon will!

Familyzone: When Brozone/Sisterzone become too mainstream, there are other family relationships you can put them in, like Kidzone, Kakuzone...!

Seenzone: When somebody sees your WhatsApp message and it displays the telling two blue ticks, yet you don’t get a reply. If this happens repeatedly, let there be no doubt, you have been Seenzoned! 
Not-my-type-zone: They say, ‘You are cute, smart, fun... but you’re not my type.’ Only God knows what that type is, if all of the above is not enough for them!

Friend-list-zone: You spot a cute guy/girl on Facebook and you add them up but they stay there silently forever, without any interaction. And then one day, while you browse through your friend list, you are so shocked at the number of “strangers” you call “friends”. 

Chatzone: Does she chat with you every day on a social networking platform but never wants to meet up in real life? Yep, you’ve been Chatzoned. 

Crushzone: You have a huge crush on someone and keep stalking their profiles and ogling their pictures but you never want to date them because you know they are “too good for you”. They belong to the hallowed Crushzone.
Friends-with-benefits-zone: Somewhere in between commitment phobia and not wanting to remain “just friends” a different zone has popped up.

Exzone: If you’re smart and you don’t want to suffer the same fate again, you’ll never go back to someone you’ve broken up with. Let them rot (at least that’s what you hope they are doing) in the Exzone. 

Add to the list at t2@abp.in