I’m 17. I love a boy who lives in Chandigarh. He doesn’t want to marry me since he’s Rajput and I’m Kayastha. Please help.

Name and address withheld

Well love, he didn’t suddenly become a Rajput nor did you suddenly become a Kayastha, which is why I find it strange, that after all this, the bloke behaved this way! But then, what can you expect from someone who’s from Chandigarh. I mean those jokers are so fun-deprived that they have to drive around like maniacs on one single street in order to get their jollies. My suggestion is look closer home darling. Calcutta has amazing people. Gracious and warm. As does Jamshedpur. Even Ranchi is better than Chandigarh, so why look far darling?

I’m 17. I’m in love with a Muslim girl. My parents won’t accept her. Help.

Name and address withheld

Listen son, we’ve made movies of this goddamn issue so why are you wasting my precious time? I’ve loved every kind of woman so I know what you must be going through but then your parents are dolts and we’ve enough in the world. So here’s what I’d do. If you have the courage (but at 17, you must have just begun shaving), then cock a snook at your parents and tell them to go to hell; or wait for sometime until you find a Hindu girl. On last count, we still have some unmarried Hindu girls in India. Just keep an eye out for them, son.

I’m a 23-year-old woman. I’ve been seeing a girl for eight years. She’s going to marry a man for her parents’ sake. She plans to divorce him soon though. But I am distraught.

Ragini, Calcutta

Girl in love with another girl? Wow. So she will make a sitting duck out of some poor jerk and then come running back to you. Wow. And what happens to the lad; his parents; the banqueting expenses for their wretched wedding? Who will reimburse me the cost of my gift that is actually going to a charade than a real wedding? Look, this is what it is. This woman is smart. She will turn straight before she returns to being gay. But the catch is when will she turn straight again? And then what will you do, love? Think about it.

HELP AT HAND

Alcoholics anonymous

10A, Nandan Road, Near Ganja Park, Calcutta - 25
Ph: 2419 1174
For free help on alcoholism
E-mail: aakolkata_ig03@rediffmail.com
(2p.m. to 6p.m. Mondays through Saturdays)

Al-Anon (for families and friends of alcoholics)

Ph : 98309 93132
(2p.m. to 6 p.m. Mondays through Saturdays)
www.india.al-anon.alateen.org

Narcotics anonymous (Kolkata area helpline)

Ph: 9836223071; www.nakolkata.org
Email: info@nakolkata.orgelf-help group of recovering addicts

HelpAge India

1800-345-1253
Free helpline for the elderly for social, legal, economical, financial counselling and also access to government schemes and policies

Lifeline Foundation

Ph: 2463 7401/ 2463 7432
Free helpline for the depressed or suicidal
(10 a.m. to 6 p.m. Monday through Saturdays)

Sparsha

AE-36, Rabindra Pally, PO: Prafulla Kanan, Calcutta - 01
Ph: 2591 0334, 2591 3852, 6529, 9856
Free tele-counselling and one-on-one counselling on personal relationships and HIV/ AIDS
(10 a.m. to 6 p.m. Mondays through Fridays)

Pronam

38/1, Beltala Road,Calcutta - 19
Senior Citizen’s Emergency
Co-ordination Control Room
Ph: 2419 0740