Overnight master chef

Your daughter turns a deaf ear every evening when you ask her to lay the dinner table or help make rotis. But she has suddenly started watching Youtube videos to learn how to bake cakes and make home-made chocolate. What’s more, she’s making you taste the burnt trial runs.

Chances are your daughter has realised that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. And what more romantic than hand-made goodies?

Long phone calls behind closed doors

Your son and his friends are so loud that you have neighbours complaining every time they party. Yet that one phone call comes and he excuses himself into his room. The door thuds shut on your face and then begins a marathon chat. Except, you can barely hear him. You’ve tried pressing your ear against his door but he whispers so softly into the phone that it’s impossible to eavesdrop on his heart-to-hearts.

Special tuitions on February 14

Their school has given off for study leave before the exams and she never has tuitions on Fridays. Yet she came up last night and took permission to spend the day at Sonia’s for group study. She left today before lunch and said she’ll be back after dinner. You’re wondering why she wore her favourite summer dress and so much make-up to go study. And oops! She forgot to take her books!

Singing love songs

Your head-banging and death metal-listening son has never given a hoot about Bollywood. But you heard him singing Hum tere bin from Aashiqui 2 in the shower yesterday. It was an out-of-tune, but passionate rendition. He has been trying to play this song on his guitar too; all night, keeping you up. And on the last page of his history notebook, you’ve seen a self-composed poem in his handwriting on the lines of How do I love thee?

Browsing fk instead of fb

Till last month if your son sat before the computer, there was only one site that could be open before him: Facebook. Come February and you don’t know what has gotten into him. All month he has been browsing Flipkart, Myntra, Jabong and more online shopping sites checking out gift items at discounted rates. Ask him who it’s for and he snaps: “Nobody,” before minimising the page and returning to Facebook.

But you turn back and you know he’s back to window-shopping.

New look for February

Your daughter didn’t bat an eyelid before gorging on those plum cakes through Christmas and New Year and then on Gurer Roshbhora all January but as soon as you flipped the calendar to the second month she declared she was on the GM diet. “Five pounds a week, and 10 by 14th Feb,” she let slip but wouldn’t elaborate.

And now she’s living on bananas on one day and tomatoes on another.

She went to the parlour yesterday and returned with a trendy hairdo and a third piercing on her ears.

As for your son, he spent close to an hour before the mirror this morning setting his hair to the “Mohawk” with gel.

Sudden interest in unlikely things

Your son makes excuses whenever you ask him to accompany you for shopping but he has been showing keen interest in your belongings of late. He asked you where you bought your new clutch bag from and what it cost. He also asked you if City Centre offered better junk jewellery or Swabhumi.

Your daughter too puzzled your husband by asking him about aftershaves — which brand he preferred, which had the best fragrance.... He couldn’t figure out why she asked until he saw her gift-wrapping a bottle last night, with wrapping paper that had pink hearts printed all over.

Locked drawers

For years you’ve screamed yourself hoarse asking your son to keep his belongings away neatly in his cupboard but your words fell on deaf ears. Now when you go to keep laundered clothes in his wardrobe you find it locked.

He asks you to respect his privacy but you wonder what you could possibly be encroaching upon. Perhaps gifts for or from his Valentine, tucked safely away from parents’ prying eyes.

After all, what could be more embarrassing for a rugged teenage boy than for a cuddly pink teddy bear to be found rolling on his bed?

Leftover change going missing

You’ve always kept loose change in a box on your dressing table but for the past fortnight it’s been vanishing faster than you’re refilling it.

You positively remember keeping the Rs 37 change from the dhobi in the box last night but it’s been polished clean today.

Before you point a finger of suspicion at an outsider, bear in mind that you have a teenaged son at home and that Valentine’s Day is a conspiracy against teenaged sons. The young couple will dine and watch a movie at the least, and custom requires your son to foot all the bills, equality be damned.