Akron: Darren Clarke, the Ulsterman from Dungannon who won the British Open two weeks ago for his first major championship at 42, is down to earth and solid. And when he says he will or will not do something, you can bet your last pint of Guinness that he will or will not.

People have been badgering Clarke for a little more than two weeks now to reveal what Tiger Woods might have said in his text messages to Clarke to help inspire the big man to win the British Open at Sandwich, England, in mid-July.

He will not, and neither will Woods. After seeing what happened to The News of the World, there probably is not anyone in Britain hacking into cellphones anymore, so anyone who is still curious can pretty much give up on getting an answer.

But given Clarke’s ability at administering the needle, and given Woods’ ability for the same, it’s safe to say there probably was some salty language combined with some well-aimed insults mixed in with just the right amount of sincerity to be effective.

So how good would it be to be a Mayfly hitchhiking on one of their golf bags, on Thursday, when Woods and Clarke, one of the odder best-buddy pairings in golf, tee off at 1:40 pm. Eastern for the first round. Figure that Clarke will get off the first shot.

“Hopefully I’m able to give him a little bit of stick and make him laugh a little bit,” Clarke said.

Why are he and Woods so friendly?

“Similar build, similar colour, similar stature,” said Clarke, whose somewhat portly build and Irish white complexion are as far from Woods’ sculptured form and multiracial mix as Portrush is from Los Angeles County.

“He sort of got my sense of humour and I got his, and it was all those years ago we played first together in ’96 in the Open there when he was still an amateur.”

When Woods and Clarke were both working with Butch Harmon — an underrated needler himself — in Las Vegas in the ’90s, they further bonded and now, as Clarke says, “We just get on very well.”

Woods was serious when he talked about his friendship with Clarke, saying, “He’s gone through a lot in his life, and to see him — I think he’s 42 now — win an Open Championship and the one that he covets the most, that’s very special to him, and the way he did it was very impressive.

“He went out and played very well and really put it on the boys on Sunday, which was good to see.”

It will be good to see a little friendly give and take inside the ropes in the early going of the tournament, proving, if nothing else, that golf is not life and death and tour pros do have a sense of humor even if they like to keep it to themselves.