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Wake me up when September ends

Comedian Vikram Poddar lists all the reasons why this month is worth napping through

Vikram Poddar | Published 07.09.23, 05:57 PM

This September has started out with enough events to cause a traffic jam, even among the couples boating in Nall Bun (Nalban). This month, we had Teacher’s Day, we have Ganesh Chaturthi coming up and we will have the return of rainfall or possibly a re-return of El Nino, or maybe the return of El Covido. There is just too much happening! Not to mention what will happen if Jerome papa raises interest rates this month? It will be as disastrous as an Indian papa’s rising rate of interest in your life. My late father had also passed away on Teacher’s day, perhaps as a metaphor to teach me comedy in real life. September 11, on the other hand, is my mother’s birthday, which also happens to clash with the anniversary of 9/11 — 22nd this year. Perhaps, the only difference between someone who is your 911 and someone who is your 9/11 is the front slash.

September, traditionally, is the boring year-ending after the financial year-ending. A sort of resigned sigh of last few things that can be completed before the utterly unproductive holiday season is upon us. Unless of course, in the gold rush of India’s wedding and socialising economy, you are the one selling the shovels, Maanyavar sized.


It’s the ‘blah’ season between a retreating rainfall and a perennially retreating winter season. In Mumbai, of course, you must first concur with the October heat before you can experience the ‘winter’ in November, where you don’t need an air conditioner — just barely.

This September, we also had a lot of excitement over the Lunar winter and the fate of our captain-courageous Vikram Poddar… err… I mean, Lander. Now, it is believed our moon boy has gone into a lunar sleep and we are hopeful that he will eventually wake up again.

September keeps chartered accountants busy as they chase clients for advance tax payments and half-yearly filing — if you are on the receiving end of a BFSI sales manager’s wrath, that could be an actual filing. We have also had fun deciding between INDIA and Bharat but I honestly thought the late KKda settled that with his World Cup 1999 Album, Hum Hai India – Josh of India.

There is also talk of ‘one country, one election,’ which sounds like a great idea in theory until you realise we are struggling to have one election committee, or one violence-free election in our building society since the last seven years (eight, if you include that one completely insane year) — and that’s just in the WhatsApp group.

September is also a reminder that any notions of it still being 2023 are slowly being dispelled. We had barely caught our breath from the events of 2022, and now 2023 is already falling behind us. Perhaps, things are moving a little too fast. So, maybe, I’d like to slow things down a little. Take a little nap in the afternoon — like only the people of my Kolkata can — and tell anyone who bothers me about climate change or communal violence, “Wake me up when September ends.”

Last updated on 08.09.23, 04:05 PM

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