You can take a human being out of Earth, but you can never take an Indian out of India, even on the moon. While the whole country celebrates the launch of Chandrayaan 3, the expectations we all have will always remain the same. So, what are five things Indians want Chandrayaan to find on the moon?
1) Interstellar wedding destination: If drones have made their way into weddings and the destinations have gone from Bali to Burkina Faso, can the moon be far behind? Trust Indians to find a way to have a sangeet on the moon with the groom’s shoes being hidden on the dark side and the zero-gravity pheras as the dessert counter goes floating right past you. And if some overbearing kaku asks you when you’re getting hitched, just accidentally push them and see them float away… forever.
Trust Indians to find a way to have a sangeet on the moon with the groom’s shoes being hidden on the dark sideShutterstock
2) No more ticketless travel: Indians are notorious for traveling ticketless, sometimes just for the thrills than for financial reasons. Chandrayaan 3 should have strict rules of ejecting ticketless Indian passengers straight into the void. Especially if they have their mobile phones on full volume without earphones. PS: If it’s an iPhone 14, the phone does not need to be ejected and can be given to the author… for research purposes, of course.
3) Moon apartments on rent for bachelors: Hopefully this horrible Indian trait will find a proper burial on the moon. One can argue with the landlord that there is no sound in space so there should be no concern about parties and disturbing the neighbours because there will hardly be any neighbours. But one hopes the moon bar will allow stag entry for male astronauts.
4) Engineers who do actual engineering: For a change, the challenging circumstances on the moon means Indian engineers will finally have to do actual engineering instead of using it as MBA entrance test or a natural progression to a career in standup comedy. Hopefully, Indian parents will be able to show off about their comedian son on the moon with equal pride as the IIT engineer on Earth.
5) Indian Moon Walk: Let’s be honest. No discussion about the moon is complete without the epic dance move called the Moon Walk immortalised by Michael Jackson. So, one hopes that Prabhudeva and Javed Jaffrey would be the first Indians to moon walk on the moon. Because the moonwalk to silently slide past your parent’s door after returning from that late night party is a move known to every Indian youth. Unless they catch you. In which case they start playing Michael Jackson’s Dangerous and you experience a dramatic drop in your oxygen levels as they ground you in your earth room for life.
So, one hopes that Chandrayaan 3 will complete all its objectives. But all I ask is that you also continue to stay in my orbit – by hitting like, share and comment.
The author, Vikram Poddar, is a Marwari investment banker turned corporate comedian. The views expressed in this article are his own and do not necessarily reflect the views of the website.