Walk down any of north Kolkata’s narrow bylanes in the afternoon and you’re sure to hear faint snores trickling down from the shuttered window panes of the houses. If you inch closer, you will be able to decipher the individual inhales and exhales that make up this symphony (or cacophony) of snores.
And while snorers have been stealing the spotlight for years now, there are other equally hilarious sleepers that we tend to overlook. Therefore, on World Sleep Day, My Kolkata takes matters into its own hands to accord these unsung heroes their due.
The power nappers
The elites of the sleep society, this curious breed of people are experts at sleeping in short bursts of 10-15 minutes or even lesser! Highly skilled sleepers, they are often amused by the plight of simpletons who aim for a one-hour nap and wake up three hours later feeling completely disoriented.
They are usually found giving long lectures on the benefits of power napping, in front of a half-asleep crowd.
Lionel Messi and Cristiano Ronaldo might be the GOATs, but they are nothing compared to the deft kickers that reign over the bed. Despite the plethora of complaints against them, they will insist that they do not throw their legs while sleeping. Indeed they don’t, until it's 2am and you are rudely woken up by a thumping kick to your shin.
Usually found hanging out with the snorers, trying to convince anyone who’ll listen that they are not, in fact, guilty as charged.
Endearing to start off with, but getting progressively annoying by the hour (or minute, depending on your threshold), the rollers will insist on rolling over to your side of the bed. No matter how many times you roll them back over, you’ll still wake up in the morning with them quite literally breathing down your neck.
Are usually found maintaining one-hand distance from everyone throughout the day, as if to compensate for their clingy sleeping habits.
The ‘I’m not sleeping’ sleepers
Perhaps the second-most popular breed after snorers, these curious folks have a penchant for falling asleep in front of the TV or computer, but waking up the second you turn it off — insisting that they were not, in fact, sleeping. Who’s gonna tell them we heard them snore?
Are usually found third-wheeling the rollers and the snorers.
The blanket thieves
As if sharing blankets was not bad enough, the blanket thieves take it upon themselves to worsen the experience. Ironically, they are also the ones who will usually insist that one blanket is manageable. Which it certainly is, if you proceed to hog all of it for yourself, leaving the other person shivering through the night.
Are usually found making passionate speeches about the importance of sharing in all aspects of life.
Now this is a category that most of us have found ourselves in at some point or another. But while some people snooze their alarm an acceptable number of times (twice? thrice?), there are others who devote an entire hour to snoozing before they finally attempt to wake up. In the process however, they manage to wake up anyone else who might have the misfortune of sleeping near them.
Are usually found vehemently fighting petitions to ban them from sleepovers.
Imagine this: You are sitting by the window of a bus, earphones plugged in as you look out reflectively, pretending you’re in a music video (we’ve all done that, it’s okay). Suddenly, you feel something brushing against your shoulder, and sure enough, turn to find your fellow passenger dozing off against you.
A common sight in public transport, the leaners seem to have made it their mission to snag a quick nap on their commute. No matter how many times you nudge them awake, or politely shirk away, it is like their head follows your shoulder, drawn to it by an imaginary pull.
Are usually found arguing with the conductor about halting the bus and letting them off because they missed their original stop.