On the occasion of the other New Year, which does not involve partying until blackout (also known as Poila Baisakh), the government of West Bengal issues a template standardising Subho Nabo Borsho wishes among Bengalis. The template allows for messages in both Bengali and English (using any combination of Ss, Us, Hs and Os) but fixes the font colour as blue and white.
Meanwhile, to mark the arrival of 1430 on the Bengali calendar, Bengalis across Kolkata have come up with a number of Naboborsho resolutions. The most popular ones are: replacing bhaat ghoom with siesta (the latter tends to be shorter), looking for deals on Myntra instead of Gariahat, having only one rosogolla after lunch and dinner, and not watching every single Anjan Dutt film (at least not with expectations).
Elsewhere, Bumble launches a special feature for Poila Baisakh and IPL season that helps you keep track of relatives at family gatherings and substitute matches based on whether you would like to discuss your marriage date or your CTC.
Wondering what else happened while your partner requested for an Impact Player during weekends? Here’s presenting the top stories from the week that should have been.
April 10
'For those wanting proof of how secular India is, let me point out that neither Hindu nor Muslim youth are finding worthwhile jobs in India,' adds Nirmala Sitharaman
TT archives- Speaking at a conference in the US on how economic growth is an Indian invention when it rises and a Western construct when it shrinks, Nirmala Sitharaman addresses concerns around India’s secularism: “Please don’t lecture India on being secular as long as the Muslim birth rate in our country is higher than our GDP growth rate.”
- Narendra Modi is all set to be in Ukraine later in April to visit the warzones where fighting had paused briefly last year owing to the Prime Minister’s passionate pleas for peace. Modi’s entire trip will be planned and curated exclusively on the BJP’s social media channels.
April 11
All those children whose tongues have been “sucked” by the Dalai Lama will be presented with a copy of ‘The Art of Happiness’ for their further enlightenment
TT archives- A platoon of 14 rich, old and once-famous men, whose careers were finished by #MeToo, write an open letter after taking lessons from the Dalai Lama. In the letter, the authors defend their actions by explaining how “we often tease people we meet in an innocent and playful way, even in public and before cameras”.
- A detailed investigation by the World Hope Organisation (WHO) shows that the effectiveness of masks in combating Covid-19 is directly related to one’s Facebook newsfeed, cable TV subscription and immediate friend circle.
April 12
The Election Commission of India suggests that the AAP should now focus on creating a personality cult around Arvind Kejriwal if it is to remain a national party
TT archives- The Election Commission of India upgrades the status of the Aam Aadmi Party (AAP) to that of a national party on account of “sincere and sustained efforts by the AAP to cater to India’s national needs and promote soft Hindutva wherever possible”.
- The heads of the governments of the US and the UK, Joe Biden and Rishi Sunak, meet in Belfast to discuss how to convince China that they have not spoken about China while convincing the rest of the world that they have.
April 13
Taylor Swift is planning to return to speed dating in the hope of composing a dozen new songs over the next few months
TT archives- Taylor Swift ends her relationship with Joe Alwyn, as after six years of togetherness, Alwyn was no longer capable of inspiring Swift’s music by repeatedly letting her down.
- Exactly 50 years after his death, The Academy of Twitter Arts (TATA) cancels Spanish painter Pablo Picasso for not making his art as obviously scandalous as his life.
April 14
Salman Khan confirms that his upcoming film was originally titled ‘Kisi Ka Being Kisi Ka Human’
TT archives- Salman Khan reveals that his latest film, Kisi Ka Bhai Kisi Ki Jaan, was shot as two different films but ended up being edited into one, since “I couldn’t decide which one to release on Eid”.
- Jubilee, Bollywood’s most recent attempt to be nostalgic about itself, impresses Instagram film critics by being so slow that they think it is smart.
