I am 53 years old. My marital relationship has never been really happy. Recently, my husband retired from service and he is now insisting that we divorce because he has found someone else — a woman who is 20 years his junior. I do not want the divorce. My son, who is studying abroad, is very upset too. But my husband is adamant. What should I do?

Name and address withheld

Be tough and try to handle the problem bravely. Try to make your husband understand that he is harming both your and your son’s future. It is up to you to do what you want to save your marital relationship and remain unhappy or to save your and your son’s future and be happy forever.

Siddharth Mukherjee

calcutta

In the present case, I feel you should agree to the divorce proposal without any delay since it is meaningless to carry on with a dissatisfying marital relationship. You should contact a good old age home with the consent of your son since it will be an equally bitter experience for you if you start living with your son in an unknown environment abroad.

Ashis Kumar Bhowmick

Calcutta

It may be possible that the deficiency is from your side. If a person is thinking of remarriage after retirement, then there must be a reason behind it. You may not be providing attention to your partner.

Jang Bahadur Singh

Jamshedpur

You are saying that your marital relationship has never been happy. Perhaps, to bring up your child, you and your husband maintained an unhappy married life so long. But now that your son is mature, why not opt for a divorce? You can then choose a compatible life partner and live the rest of your life happily.

Mukul Ghosh via e-mail

Your husband has gone insane. At this age, when you need him most, he has established a connection with another woman who is his daughter’s age. Try to convince him and bring him round to your views. If this is futile, claim a huge compensation.

You should fight tooth and nail to get justice, and as you have never been happy with him and have nothing but the greatest contempt for him, do not live with him.

Suraj Maurya

Liluah

You’ve not been separated until now. This means that some deep affection persists which led you to maintain this relationship. There is a two-way solution to your problem.

First, try and diminish the influence of that woman in your husband’s life. Then try to settle the differences with your hubby, which you have been resolving quite well since the beginning. Don’t hesitate to take help from your close relatives and son to find a solution.

Sneh Shilpa Gupta

Deoghar

It is quite normal that at the age of 53, when one is truly in need of a genuine companion, one cannot accept a divorce proposal from one’s partner. But if the partner is infatuated with the idea of starting life afresh at the age of 60, one cannot do much about it. Sticking around with that person will only create more discontentment. Just call it a day and accept life as it comes. You might become lonely, but believe me, not a single soul is happy in the way he/she wants. Be happy that you have your son to stand by you.

Sanu Bhattacharya

Bankura

Although your husband is old, he still wants to live like a youth. Don’t worry. Just change yourself if you feel this can be the correct choice. Simply live the life of a 35-year-old instead of a 53-year-old and see if this works for your adamant husband. Alternatively, stop getting upset and stop making your son upset. Live with your son happily if the situation demands. Give yourself a chance.

Nidhi Poddar

Calcutta

Have a frank talk with your husband and try to sort out matters. If he insists on a divorce, agree, but on your terms. Make sure you get a good alimony and share of property/assets. He should also pay for your son’s studies. Consult a good lawyer and make sure you don’t get cheated. Since he seems to be keen on the divorce and you are not, you have the upper hand. Don’t hand it to him on a platter. And do not get depressed. Plan a new life for yourself.

Anjana Maitra

Rourkela

Your husband’s antics at this age look cruel. How can your husband opt for a 20-year-old girl when he himself is 60? At your age, you have no option but to set him free, provided he pays a hefty alimony. If he denies it, then file a case against him.

T.R. Anand

calcutta

expert eye

mahuya ghosh

Consultant psychologist

At your age, such an experience must have come as a real shock. But now that things are the way they are, you need to be practical and handle the situation firmly. If, despite a long marital relationship, your husband has decided to go for someone else, maybe there has been a lack of communication between the two of you for a long time, which has led to such incompatibility.

Meanwhile, someone else may have been able to cater to your husband’s needs. The fact could also be that your husband was desperate for a break from the monotony of life.

Now, even if you want to continue this marriage for emotional reasons, I don’t think you should. Even if you insist on carrying on with the marriage, things are bound to get worse and you are likely to suffer more.

You haven’t mentioned anything about your husband’s relationship with his son. Your son should probably talk to him.

On your part, you can have a detailed and frank discussion with your husband in the presence of a dependable confidante. Being a family man, he has some responsibility towards the family, which he can’t ignore.

Do not worry. At present, women are well protected by law. If required, you can seek professional help for your rights and security.