Mridula, the daughter of an old friend, was certainly not cut out to be a sati Savitri type of wife. Yet, when I met her some time ago in Bangalore, she appeared to have cast herself into this role, an act that had clearly left her extremely unhappy.

Adding to her frustration was the fact that she had brought her woes on herself. Her marriage to Rajen was not an arranged one. When she first met him she had been working in an advertising agency for several years and enjoyed an enviable life style. Independent, both financially and otherwise, she had no particular desire to get married. However, Rajen swept her off her feet in a whirlwind courtship, and in her starry-eyed state she failed to hear the warning bell that rang when he insisted that she must give up working after they got married.

Modern and forward-looking though he seemed to be, Rajen subscribed to the old-fashioned lord-and-master view of marriage. He provided well for his family and Mridula lacked for no creature comforts, but he kept a tight control on all matters. He gave Mridula the amount he considered appropriate for housekeeping, there was no question of joint accounts or discussions on financial affairs, or for that matter, in any other area.

After the years she had been a free spirit, controlling all her affairs herself, Mridula found Rajen’s attitude intolerable. However, with a baby son to consider, she was unwilling to walk out of the situation. Shackled now to an unsatisfactory marriage and bored to distraction, she began to lose heart, confidence and self-esteem.

This was the situation four years ago. But when I met Mridula again last month I was astonished to see the change in her. Her gripes and groans were a thing of the past, the obvious misery of those days a distant memory. Instead here she was, cheerful and upbeat, and full of the joys of life.

How had this happened? The secret, she confided, was to get Rajen to think that everything she wanted was his idea. For example, take the matter of her working, which was the key to her happiness. “You were quite right,” she said to him. “I wish I had listened to you and not given up my job” (a blatant lie, perhaps, but nevertheless an effective way of stroking his ego). “But now, with two small children, even working freelance from the house is not possible.” The seed sown, it was only a matter of time — and repetition — for Rajen to feel strongly that she should work again, if only from the house! Which, of course, with extreme reluctance and only at his insistence, did she do!

Today peace reigns. Mridula gets her way and Rajen thinks he gets his. A surefire recipe for marital success as our sati Savitri grandmothers would tell us!