Ben Affleck and Jennifer Aniston in He’s Just Not That Into You

It’s great to be single, it’s even better to be in love.

With Valentine’s Day in the air, Bookworm decided it was time to take her nose out of her beloved books and find herself an HYB — handsome young bibliophile, of course.

But how? Poor Bookworm was clueless. She was sure of one thing, though — the answer, like everything else in life, lay between the covers. Not that kind of covers, you naughty mind!

Anyhow, with a quest in mind, Bookworm walked into Quest mall and went straight to Starmark in the Upper Basement. Giving her favourite fiction section a miss for once, she marched to the self-help shelves and started picking out titles that looked promising. After four hours, here’s what her labour of love yielded.

The Body Language of Love by Allan + Barbara Pease

P.S: Don’t miss the plus sign!

They say: The world is “in the grip of a singles epidemic.” By 2020, it is estimated that 25 per cent of all women in the Western world will be permanently single.

Bookworm says: Western world… phew!

They say: If you want to appeal to the opposite sex, you need to let your body do the talking…. Like it or not, the way we look affects our ability to attract and keep a partner. Reality is that you need to attract a man first before he can find out about your inner virtues. None of this is politically correct, but it is all biologically correct.

Bookworm says: As much as I hate to admit this, yes first impressions do matter. But even as you wear your sexy LBD or get a fab haircut, don’t forget to wear your best smile. You’ll be surprised at how many people would rather have a simple smiling partner than a hot grumpy one.

They say: The dating game is all about women sending the right signals and men learning to read those signals correctly. So, what are these signals? In short, a woman has to appear feminine to get a man. She should expose the underside of her wrists to a prospective partner because that signifies submissiveness. She should play with and fix her hair in his presence because it shows she cares about how she looks in front of him. And — wait for this one — she should flash her armpits. Because pheromones, or sex perfumes, are located in the armpit.

Bookworm says: So you’re saying I should go up to a cute guy at a party, flap my arms near his nose and do the chicken dance?! NO, thank you very much.

They say: You may want to get in the sack with this hot dude right away but wait a while before you see his “wedding tackle”. (Yes, they use these exact words, we’re not making this up.) Because coyness = hard-to-get = hard-to-get for other men too = faithful in a long-term relationship.

Bookworm says: As galling as it may be, it’s probably true. Remember how Saif Ali Khan picked the “innocent” Diana Penty over the “wild and vivacious” Deepika in Cocktail? Arrgh!

The Art of Seduction by Robert Greene

Bob says: Seduction is a game of psychology, not beauty.

Bookworm says: Er, the last book just told us it’s all about the body and good looks. Make up your mind, you know-it-all people!

P.S: This is a rather fat book with a very small font and includes a section called “Select the right victim”. Bookworm closed the book and moved on.

Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man — What men really think about love, relationships, intimacy and commitment by Steve Harvey

Steve says: “The biggest play you have in your arsenal — the one where you walk into a relationship thinking you’re going to ‘change’ your man — is the worst and most doomed play of them all.”

Bookworm says: Yes, we women tend to have an epic overestimation of our powers, often to disastrous consequences. Thank you, Steve, for spelling it out.

Steve says: “Don’t expect a man to love you the way you love him.” He then goes on to enumerate the three ‘P’s of when a man loves a woman.

1. Proclaim: A man who has placed you in the most special part of his heart… will give you a title. So he will introduce you as “my woman”, or “my girl”, not as “my friend so-and-so.”

Bookworm says: It’s sure nice to be acknowledged but I also love my name and would like to be introduced as me!

2. Provide: The more he can provide for his woman and his kids, the bigger and more alive he feels.

Bookworm says: Boys, we love to be taken care of but don’t work your butt off just to bring home more bacon. Bring home your cute butt instead. ;)

3. Protect: A man will protect what is his. Even as a little boy he wants to protect his mother and sister and he will do the same for the woman he loves.

Bookworm says: We love that about a man.

Steve says: In a section called Mama’s Boys (all Bengalis sit up and take note here, please), he says it’s your fault if your man still does his mom’s bidding and rushes to her every time she calls him to fix the faucet or bake a cake. That’s because men respond to rules and when a wife fails to set rules, a man continues to follow Mommy’s rules.

Bookworm says: Sorry, we’re not running a training centre.

Steve says: Most men cheat because they are able to separate emotional bonding and the physical act. But according to him, “the biggest reason” why men cheat is “there’s always a woman out there willing to cheat with him”.

Bookworm says: This makes me so angry I want to break some bones. So, the biggest reason rape happens is because there is always a woman out there ready to be pounced upon, is it?! Get your head checked, man.

He’s Just Not That Into You — The no excuses truth to understanding guys by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo

This was possibly Bookworm’s best read among all the self-help books she picked. The story of how the book was born out of a chance comment by the lone male writer in a roomful of women writers for the TV series Sex and the City is so cute!

And the cover is so hot. It has Bradley Cooper and Ben Affleck on it, from the movie based on the book.

Greg says: Men will give women all sorts of excuses when all they really mean is, “I am not that into you”. But why do they do this? Because, men would rather “lose an arm out a city bus window than tell you simply, ‘You’re not the one.’” They are quite sure that we women will kill them or ourselves or both — or even worse, cry and yell.

Bookworm says: This Greg is so funny. And sensitive. And intelligent. And he’s written a book. Very my kinda guy. Hmm.

Greg says: He’s just not that into you if he’s not asking you out. “Men find it very satisfying to get what they want. If we like you, we will find you.”

Bookworm says: Agreed. I have never met a man who was interested in a woman and didn’t make it obvious, even when he knew it might get him into trouble. But waiting for a guy to ask you out is so last century! Only problem is, when it comes to matters of love, lust and courtship, most men are, well, still lurking in the 1990s.

Greg says: He’s just not that into you if he’s not calling you. “We may try to make you think differently, but we men are just like you. We like to take a break from our generally mundane day to talk to someone we like. It makes us happy.”

Bookworm says: Okay, that’s a revelation. Most men seem to engage in a long conversation only as a favour to us. And sometimes we women don’t mind. We’re suckers for the brooding types, even if they make communication such a chore.

Greg says: He’s just not that into you if he’s not having sex with you. “When men like you, they want to touch you, always.”

Bookworm says: When we love a man, we love his touch too. What we DO NOT like is a man who starts pawing us right after the first couple of dates.

Epilogue: Balancing her pile of self-help books and trying to sneak a peek at the new arrivals, Bookworm crashed into something. Actually someone. Well, it’ll suffice to say that she’s having coffee with that someone this weekend and then checking out a book club he runs. Sometimes love finds you when you are busy looking for a book!